Secondary Infertility? Anyone in my boat? - Page 2

[Dea]

Originally Posted by Kristin0105

Thanks for starting (or reviving) this thread. I just turned (gulp) 43 Monday and we have been trying for #2 for over a year. I have a beautiful, brilliant, wonderful, greatest child ever 3 year old daughter who I love more than anything else in the world. I really, really, really want to have another baby. She really, really, really wants us to have a baby. But it just does not look possible at this point. I had some blood tests done in May and my FSH was 12.? so a little high and the fertility specialist was all doom and gloom. I immediately set up an appointment with an acupuncturist/TCM doctor and began treatment and a bunch of supplements. By October my FSH was down to 7.1 but alas here it is January and I am still not pregnant. With my dd I got pregnant as soon as I said lets have a baby. And I think that makes it soooo much harder. Because I went into the lets get pregnant thinking this could take months, I'm 38 years old maybe I can't get pregnant. 6 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. So this time it's been a real shock that it's just not happening and might not ever happen. I would consider IVF in a heart beat and would even do donor eggs if need be. Yesterday, I even looked up IVFvacations.com But my husband is against interventions. He is unwilling to spend the money. I feel like every month that goes by my chances of having one more little lovey gets a lot less likely. It's so hard. I wish I hadn't waited so long to have my little sweetie. I'm mad that he would put a price tag on something so priceless. And I'm so sad for my dd who asks me every week when are we going to have a baby. I'd consider adoption but dh was just laid off so I think (I am just guessing here) that we will have to wait a year from the time he gets back to work before they would consider us. Sorry to be such a downer. I've been feeling a little blue the last 2 days it's totally unlike me. But I think it's a sign AF is on her way soon that and all the other stressors. Okay, pity party over lets get back to work..

I hope everyone's stay here is short and 2009 brings peace to all of us.

I agree! It's not fair to put a pricetag on something so wonderful, but on the other hand... it's even more not fair that I have to pay so much money to have a child... but that's another rant.

Originally Posted by Julia'sMom

I'll join in. I have PCOS and don't ovulate at all. DD took 18 months of trying and one miracle month of clomid. No period since her birth. I didn't respond to clomid when trying for #2, so we had to do ivf. IVF#1 resulted in twins, lost at 12 weeks. IVF #2 should be this february.

I've found everyone here to be so supportive of me. I try not to mention my dd much when posting in this section, because I know how hard it was when we were trying to conceive her.

I concur with not posting in ttc after a loss. It is so different with infertility and it takes much more time.

I also don't post much in ttc. I think I'm kinda boring since I don't measure time in 2 weeks. Without ovulation, my time is "wait for RE appt, wait for approval, wait for drugs, go thru procedures, wait for result". It generally takes much longer that a month and I really don't have much influence over it.

My dd asked for a "little baby" for Christmas...she then always adds that she wants a "BBBIIIGGG baby for Mommy" as well. It's so sweet, but now it makes me almost want to cry and she hasn't stopped saying it, even though Christmas is over. If only Santa would have listened to her...

Oh, and I too am stuck with bringing dd to my appointments. I try and keep her as quiet as possible and stand in the back corner when other ladies are there. I also make sure I don't scold her because I don't want to upset the other ladies anymore than I already do.

We sit in the far away part of the office with her and keep her busy so that she's quiet... but I still feel bad, but we have no where else to take her, I have a lot of appointments and I can't rely on my friends for all of them. I do the same as you instead of the 2WW... with Trixie it took 21 days of injections, so the 2 week pre O and the 2WW are totally lost on me.

Originally Posted by Guinevere

Morning, everyone -- how are you doing today? Anyone have any appts., etc? I have acupuncture later on this morning, and just began adding all those new supplements into my routine today -- I feel like a walking medicine chest now, ugh!



Hugs to you, mama. I hope you get some answers soon. Sometimes I feel like I'm just randomly shooting in the dark, with all the things I'm trying. I don't really know if any of it will work, but it feels better than doing nothing, yk? I'm too much of a control freak to just sit back and hope things will improve on their own.



Hey there, Dea -- yep, you officially beat me in surgery count for 08 , although if I'd had Sophie this past year, that would have brought me up to 3. Which would be 3 more surgeries than I'd ever had before in my whole life.
Do you feel that the c-section changed things in your body? B/c I'm increasingly feeling that way. For example, I never used to get pain during O, but since the c/s, I do. And basically all my health issues arose after Sophie's birth, although that may have more to do with my body simply having had "enough" after 5 difficult pg's. It's so hard to know what caused what, yk?

I am sadly uninformed about high-fat dairy, although, like you, I dimly recall hearing the same thing somewhere. Hopefully someone else has the scoop on that.



I think the whole issue of other children/babies around women experiencing infertility is simply a delicate line to walk. And for me at least, it depends so much, too, on where I am emotionally on any given day.

I've had many, many relatives and close friends have babies over the past year while I've been struggling to conceive and sustain another pg. And while I'm still able to be happy for them, it's also a tangible and painful reminder of what I don't have. I don't avoid them, but, for example, I couldn't manage to attend my BFF's baby shower for her latest addition -- it was just too much. Instead we celebrated on our own, in a smaller, less baby-baby-baby-focused setting, which I *could* handle.

I confess that when I hear about someone getting pg, right now it doesn't serve to give me hope, it just feels like, "oh, another one who isn't me." These are not pretty emotions and I'm not proud to feel them, but there it is, the unvarnished truth. And I also know it says far more about me and where I am right now than about them. I need to cope better. I'm working on it, truly.



Welcome, Kristin! (that's my real name, too ) I'm sorry that you and your DH aren't on the same page with regards to interventions. That is really hard. There's a small part of me that is resentful of my DH b/c it took me until my youngest was 2 to persuade him that having another child would be a good idea for our family. But by that time, I had developed all these health issues which have made that goal very difficult. So even though it's not fair and possibly not even true, part of me feels that if I had tried to get pg earlier, I wouldn't have run into all these problems. Sigh. There just seems to be so much guilt and self-doubt that comes along with infertility. I hate it! :

Guin

I have no appointments until the provera kicks in and I have a period, I have been reading about acupuncture and how it can help with post conception too, it's been recommended for the first 3 months... now I just can't remember where I read that.
Have fun!

[joyakshi]

Is it considered secondary infertility if you had a spontaneous pregnancy but lost it early - 6 weeks, and now you can't get pg at all?
It's a kind of an unusual situation because I've had a pregnancy & loss but no baby.
Is it considered secondary IF only if you've actually given birth, or even if you've just had a pregnancy?

[SoCaliMommy]

joyakshi~

Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to become pregnant, or to carry a pregnancy to term, following the birth of one or more biological children. source--Resolve.org

so no it's not secondary infertility, if you've been ttc for over 1 yr though it's more primary infertility.

[Julia'sMom]

Originally Posted by joyakshi

Is it considered secondary infertility if you had a spontaneous pregnancy but lost it early - 6 weeks, and now you can't get pg at all?
It's a kind of an unusual situation because I've had a pregnancy & loss but no baby.
Is it considered secondary IF only if you've actually given birth, or even if you've just had a pregnancy?

Even if it's not technically "secondary", it's still painful. I still think of my 12-wk miscarriage babies as babies. However, this issues of infertility with a living child are different that infertility with miscarriage. Hhmmm...I wonder if that should be a separate thread. If you do make one, I bet we'd be surprised at how many women are like that.

[by-the-lake]

Hey, may I join? I am TTC#3, the first two were without intervention, DS is 11 and DD is 5. Since DD my DH had a life saving operation which cost him his fertility. We are now doing IUI with DI, and the meds have messed up my regular ovulatory cycle. Now I'm on injectibles for our DI. We have not used DI yet, and this month I hyperstimmed!!! So, I wait for AF, and see if any of these nasty follies is going to leave me with a cyst! I am doing accupuncture next Wed (7 DPO) hopefully to ward off any cysts.) Sorry to see you here everyone. I sometimes get the "You already have 2 kids" attitude. Its easy for these people who have some control of thier fertility to pass judgment on me. Fortunatley, most people are not this crass, but still....

[MOMTOALEXIS]

Hey just thought I'd join in with a question. DD is now 10y/o but from my first marriage, I got preg at 21 y/o at literally a half a slip and also had a miscarriage just prior to DD. Both times I got preg on accident. Now I am remarried to the most amazing man in the world and he has no children. Is it still considered secondary infertility for me even though it's a different spouse??????? DD has been asking for a sibling for at least 5 years. But i was in school and trying to make things perfect being I did everything backward the first time. She actually gets mad at me and thinks I just don't want to give her a sibling. I do not want her to know what we are going through. 15months of TTC with 4 failed Clomid cycles, 3 with IUI. We have now started the IVF cycle and I hope so much I could give DH a child and a sibling for DD.
All our tests have come back perfectly fine, SA with slightly low motility but always great for the IUI. They say I have very mild PCOS but no symptoms at all, o every 14 days on my own and AF every 28 days to the tee. It's just so frustrating.

[SoCaliMommy]

MOMTOALEXIS ~ Yes it's Secondary IF since you've been ttc for over 1 yr without getting pregnant and you already have a child.

[Dea]

Originally Posted by natrualmom

Hey, may I join? I am TTC#3, the first two were without intervention, DS is 11 and DD is 5. Since DD my DH had a life saving operation which cost him his fertility. We are now doing IUI with DI, and the meds have messed up my regular ovulatory cycle. Now I'm on injectibles for our DI. We have not used DI yet, and this month I hyperstimmed!!! So, I wait for AF, and see if any of these nasty follies is going to leave me with a cyst! I am doing accupuncture next Wed (7 DPO) hopefully to ward off any cysts.) Sorry to see you here everyone. I sometimes get the "You already have 2 kids" attitude. Its easy for these people who have some control of thier fertility to pass judgment on me. Fortunatley, most people are not this crass, but still....

I'm interested to learn more about how acupuncture can prevent cysts. Do you have any info about it???

[joyakshi]

Great idea Julia's Mom!
I will do that. It would be nice to not feel so "unusual". It is really painful sometimes to have had a pregnancy and then a loss and no babies and then be dealing with infertility too. Others must be in the same boat, unfortunately.

Originally Posted by Julia'sMom

Even if it's not technically "secondary", it's still painful. I still think of my 12-wk miscarriage babies as babies. However, this issues of infertility with a living child are different that infertility with miscarriage. Hhmmm...I wonder if that should be a separate thread. If you do make one, I bet we'd be surprised at how many women are like that.

[joanq]

I'm here too! I'm 32 and as far as we can tell healthy. My cycles are regular, my LP is 14-15 days. I'm a bit overweight, but have good blood sugars, good thyroid, good everything else basic.

We've been trying since March 06 to have child #2. Child #1 was conceived in our 4th month trying. Normal healthy pregnancy, cesarean delivery after much labor because of malpositioning and possible amniotic fluid infection (water was broken for 14 hours).

For the first 6 months or so my cycles were very irregular because of breastfeeding, so we aren't actually "counting" the first year of trying. The second 6 months I appeared to have regular cycles and ovulating, but with 11-12 day LP I am guessing I had Luteal defect.

After my son stopped nursing in July 07 I became pregnant the following month. I lost that baby at 9 1/2 weeks (no known reason). Everything seemed normal after that and I got pregnant again in March 08, but found out a week later that it was (probable) ectopic and was treated with methotrexate.

So now we are on our 7th cycle (and I think AF is arriving in the morning ). We just saw an RE for the initial visit. He is focusing on the miscarriages, while I am like "why the heck am I not pregnant yet!". He wanted to start with repeat mc testing, so far all has come back normal and we are awaiting the genetic tests.

This cycle he wants to do a clomid challenge, to ensure that my "eggs aren't older than I am" and I'm a little nervous about the clomid! I tend to be sensitive to medications and this will be my first step down this path. My OBGYN wouldn't even entertain the thought that maybe there was something going on besides "bad luck".

And I had an HSG after the ectopic, which was good. So the RE said:
1) We know you CAN have a baby.
2) We know your anatomy is good.
3) We know your cycles are normal/you are ovulating regularly.
My OBGYN said my ovaries look very fertile according to midcycle US after the mcs. So I don't know what our problem is. Obviously hoping it is just "bad luck" but we've had a run of it and I don't really want to wait around and see if it changes! I'm not getting any younger and my son is getting older every day too!

WHEW! Thanks! I belong to other boards but always hold back some because I don't want to offend people dealing with primary IF. But I maintain that just because we have kids doesn't mean it is any easier to go through this, just different!

[by-the-lake]

Dea- I will look into why accupuncture helps cysts. I know lots of the girls TTC or with cyst problems (like PCOS) use accupuncture and says its awesome. My friend on another infertility thread (at MDC) recommended it for CL cysts, so I just trust her. I will see what I can find out for you.

[LessTraveledBy]

Originally Posted by attached2mason

Well, i am happy that I have one, but they haven't seen the look on Mason's face when he asks, trying not to cry, "Who is my brother? why don't I get to have a brother". breaks my heart

That really comforted me... Not that I would wish this on anyone but it is comforting to not be alone in this. It has been hard for me to see all the people who are unpatient about trying to conceive #2 at a year or two pp. (Not pointing fingers, good for them to be trying.) Meanwhile, dd will be 4 in March and has prayed for a sibling for almost two years.

Meanwhile 11 of my friends and relatives have got pregnant or had babies, many of them have two that are younger than dd. Three pregnancies were announced to us within three days of Christmas a 4th one a couple of days later. As I tried to tell dd with happiness, she looked at me, puzzled that all these people were having babies and asked me why we don't have a baby when everyone else does. Truly, every friend and relative that possibly could be pregnant or have a young baby, has one.

Today dd received a little dress in the mail, meant for her favorite doll. She got really sad and said the doll could not wear it. It was for a baby. Then she hid it in her drawer. It took a lot not to cry in front of her.

I am so thankful for our beuatiful dd. The hardest part for me is the injustice of it all... I see so many terrible parents who have had a very easy time conceiving. I know life is not fare. I have accepted this as my cross but some days the emotions are very much there. It makes it harder that people don't seem to understand at all because they have not been through this.

Anyway... Nice to meet you all. It is comforting to know I am not alone.

[zookeeper]

Haven't gotten to read all the posts yet, but wanted to chime in. I'm 37 and we've been trying to conceive #7 for about 6 months. I've always gotten pg very easily and quickly in the past. I found out I've got some thyroid, adrenal, and hormone issues so I'm sure that's affecting things. I've started some thyroid med and progesterone. I also started some EPO this cycle because I'm not having very good EWCM.

Here's hoping!

[Happily Blessed]

I haven't read everyone's replies yet.

I get limited time on the internet on some days. I try to take advantage of the time I do have with my son because I am a WOHM wanting to be a SAHM.

My name is laural and I have a 2 year old son. We tried for 7.5 years for him and had every letter in the alphabet: 4 m/c, multiple IUI's, PCOS, APA, MtHfr, IVF WITH ICSI AND AH with no embies to do a FET. So, we are doing our last IUI with follistem this next few weeks.

Like others, I know I should be happy with one, but I want a sibling for my son. I may be able to do an IVF but unfortunately that means that I am "asking for my inheritance before my Mother dies." Sounds sick, huh? But my son is the reason why my Mother is alive. And I would love to give her a granddaughter.

laural

[Happily Blessed]

I hate taking DS to my RE appts. I feel bad. I know what its like. I remember. But there are days I have to.

And my RE loves, loves, loves my son so she always has to see him even if its for labs.

[Mama~Love]

Originally Posted by zookeeper

Haven't gotten to read all the posts yet, but wanted to chime in. I'm 37 and we've been trying to conceive #7 for about 6 months. I've always gotten pg very easily and quickly in the past. I found out I've got some thyroid, adrenal, and hormone issues so I'm sure that's affecting things. I've started some thyroid med and progesterone. I also started some EPO this cycle because I'm not having very good EWCM.

Here's hoping!

Sounds like we're in similar situations . I've wanted #7 since #6 was born, and she just turned 2. I'm getting tested now for thyroid &/or adrenal issues too. Waiting on some results.

Sorry you're struggling as well .

[zookeeper]

Originally Posted by wild~blossom

Sounds like we're in similar situations . I've wanted #7 since #6 was born, and she just turned 2. I'm getting tested now for thyroid &/or adrenal issues too. Waiting on some results.

Sorry you're struggling as well .

Let me know what you find out! I'm having the hardest time finding someone who is knowledgable AND willing to treat naturally. Everything I've learned I've had to dig up for myself.

[Dea]

Originally Posted by Anumaria

I am so thankful for our beuatiful dd. The hardest part for me is the injustice of it all... I see so many terrible parents who have had a very easy time conceiving. I know life is not fare. I have accepted this as my cross but some days the emotions are very much there. It makes it harder that people don't seem to understand at all because they have not been through this.

Anyway... Nice to meet you all. It is comforting to know I am not alone.

I had this moment today. A friend told me that she was pregnant... her and I were pregnant at the same times with our DCs.... and now she's pregnant again. I want to be pregnant now too, and it made me sad, which sent me into my spiral. I WANT to be pregnant. DH and I are great parents, we've made the choice to be parents, we can afford to be parents, and we have the desire to be parents. And yet it's not wham bam for us... and it seems that it is for so many others... other who don't appreciate their children. It makes me so sad. sigh. And having a baby already doesn't make me less sad.... I love her and am so grateful for her, but it doesn't mean that I don't want more.

okay I'll stop whining now.

[kristenok18]

subbing,but.I.will.have.to.wait.to.post.an.intro.u ntil.I.get.my.new.keyboard.in.a.few.days!!!

[Mama~Love]

OK, after more reading online, I really think I have PCOS. I have all but 2 of the symptoms on soulcysters.com . *Sigh* this will be fun .