~*Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #13 2009*~

[Kidzaplenty]

The new thread for Biblical Marriage with wifely submission.

~THIS IS A SUPPORT THREAD ONLY~

This is for a support thread for Biblically Based Marriage and Wifely submission. For those that are new to the thread, "wifely submission" is not about being a doormat or a slave to our husbands. It is not about men getting to "rule" over us. It is about the Biblical principle of wives submitting, willingly to their husband's lead. It is about us giving up our "right" as "independent women" and deferring to our husband's headship in our marriage.

We understand that a Biblical Marriage is a two way street and the husband has his own set of responsibilities to love us wives as Christ loves the Church, but since we are a group of women, we will be focusing our thread on our part, our responsibilities in our marriages.

Please join us as we talk, as we pray, as we cry on each other's shoulders, as we laugh with each other, and as we live every day struggling to do our best at living a Biblical Marriage.

Previous Threads (and I can't believe we are already on #13!):

~*Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #12 Sept-Oct-Nov*~
~*Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #11 July-Aug*~
Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #10 May-June
Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #9 Dec-Jan
Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #8 Oct-Nov
Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #7 July-Aug
Biblical marriage with wifely submission #6 Apr-Jun
Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #5 Winter 06
Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission #4 Aug 2006
Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission #3!!!!
#2 Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission Thread
Biblical Marriage with Wife Submission Tribe (#1)



A Christian marriage is more than just the union of two Christians of the opposite sex. A Christian marriage is characterized and governed by Christian principles that are taught in the Bible. Please note that a Christian marriage is not defined by the teachings of a church. A Christian marriage adheres to the standards of marriage revealed in the Holy Bible regardless of a church's teachings and practices.


Genesis 1:27-28

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Matthew 19:4-6

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

1 Corinthians 7:3-4

Let the husband give to the wife proper kindness, and likewise the wife also to the husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband. And likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife.

Ephesians 5:22-32

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present it to Himself as the glorious church, without spot or wrinkle or any such things, but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So men ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord loves the church.
For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.
"For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two of them shall be one flesh."
This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
But also let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and the wife that she defers to her husband.

[TzippityDoulah]

subbing

[theretohere]

You started this much better then I have been. Can all you mamas keep us in your prayers? My youngest DD last week had a really severe seizure and DH and I are having a really hard time relaxing and trusting that she's going to be OK when not under our eyes.
We're both still very scared.

[MOMYS]

theretohere, I'm praying!

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by theretohere

You started this much better then I have been. Can all you mamas keep us in your prayers? My youngest DD last week had a really severe seizure and DH and I are having a really hard time relaxing and trusting that she's going to be OK when not under our eyes.
We're both still very scared.

so sorry mama! my prayers!

[Kidzaplenty]

Your are in my prayers as well. I know what it is like. And it is not fun.

[Kidzaplenty]

I wanted to share something that I just learned when putting this thread together.

We are "submitted" wives because Ephesians 5:22 says we should submit to our husbands.

And verse 23 says, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body."

Most, if not all, read "the husband is head of the wife" to mean "the husband is the boss of the wife" or in other words, in control. But you know what? That is not what it really is saying.

I have been doing some word education and going beyond what has always been taught on scripture and checking out what the original words meant.

Did you know "head" does not mean "boss"? It actually does not even imply "in control".

κεφαλή
kephalē
kef-al-ay'
Probably from the primary wordκάπτω kaptō (in the sense of seizing); the head (as the part most readily taken hold of), literally or figuratively: - head.

I read this to mean "head" is more of a "point of attack", like when you (if you were not afraid) reach out to grab a snake, you grab it by the head. Or when you attack an enemy, you attack the head. Or when you peek out to see if you were safe, only the head gets exposed.

The husband is the "head" of the wife, the one that stands in front of her to protect her from attack. The one that is to take the brunt of the attack. The one that sticks his neck out to see if it is safe.

The head.

Now, that really made me think about a lot of things when I have reread this passage the last couple of days.

All I can say is WOW!

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

I wanted to share something that I just learned when putting this thread together.

We are "submitted" wives because Ephesians 5:22 says we should submit to our husbands.

And verse 23 says, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body."

Most, if not all, read "the husband is head of the wife" to mean "the husband is the boss of the wife" or in other words, in control. But you know what? That is not what it really is saying.

I have been doing some word education and going beyond what has always been taught on scripture and checking out what the original words meant.

Did you know "head" does not mean "boss"? It actually does not even imply "in control".



I read this to mean "head" is more of a "point of attack", like when you (if you were not afraid) reach out to grab a snake, you grab it by the head. Or when you attack an enemy, you attack the head. Or when you peek out to see if you were safe, only the head gets exposed.

The husband is the "head" of the wife, the one that stands in front of her to protect her from attack. The one that is to take the brunt of the attack. The one that sticks his neck out to see if it is safe.

The head.

Now, that really made me think about a lot of things when I have reread this passage the last couple of days.

All I can say is WOW!

I think this is why woman should have such respect for their husbands. My husband isn't just my boss but my protector, and guardian and my friend.

people who misunderstand "submissive wifely hood" often think we "submit" b/c we are afraid of our husbands. or that we fear being our own person... or even worse that we are scared of our husbands and so let him control all things. and its so very sad how far from the truth this is. It should never be that way.

It is so uncommon in our society today to see a properly functioning marriage that often we hear "submissive" and it draws up ugly images of beaten and abused wives too scared to step out on their own. this is NOT what wifely submission is.

submission may take on a slightly different look in each family. but the underlying rule should be respect, admiration, a desire to lift up one another and true love and serve -from both parties. sadly this is hard to emulate when we have SO very few good sources of influence to look to.

[maxwill129]

I'd like to join. This is something that I have been praying about. I seem to have my old "Feminist" views leaking back into my life and it's really effecting my relationship with DH. It seems like everywhere I turn, even in Christian circles, I'm told that "it's okay to want my own things" and "it's okay to be selfish and do things just for me without talking to DH about it" etc. It's a struggle for me right now, but I do know our house, our relationship, everything seems to be right where it needs to be when we fulfull the roles God has for us.

[maxwill129]

Originally Posted by HennyPenny

I think this is why woman should have such respect for their husbands. My husband isn't just my boss but my protector, and guardian and my friend.

"my friend". I love this. I was just reading this great book that was saying women should have other women friends, but if your other friendships are taking you away from your friendship with your DH you need to rethink things. It seems like it's so uncool to say that you're friends with your DH. People look at you like you're crazy, but that's my desire. To have my DH be my best friend.

[Soul-O]

subbing..

I look forward to learning from this thread. My pastor doesn't cover this topic enough, so I'm hoping to find support and resources here.

[theretohere]

to Soul-O and Maxwill129- I hope that this thread helps uplift you!

[chely7425]

I just found this thread and wanted to pop in.... this is something me and DH are still struggling with. We both feel that he needs to be the head of the household but the responsibility of this still scares him in many ways. I think he is worried most about leading us down the wrong path in some way. I try and help him by following his guidance and taking control of things he has asked me to. He is admittebly horrible with money, so he has asked me to be in control of it. I was a little uncomfortable with it at first, but then he reminded me that as head of our house he is doing what is best for us and that with a degree in accounting I am better set to handle our finances. I don't know if that made any sense, just looking for some support from people who have BTDT maybe and don't think I am just scared of him.

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by chely7425

I just found this thread and wanted to pop in.... this is something me and DH are still struggling with. We both feel that he needs to be the head of the household but the responsibility of this still scares him in many ways. I think he is worried most about leading us down the wrong path in some way. I try and help him by following his guidance and taking control of things he has asked me to. He is admittebly horrible with money, so he has asked me to be in control of it. I was a little uncomfortable with it at first, but then he reminded me that as head of our house he is doing what is best for us and that with a degree in accounting I am better set to handle our finances. I don't know if that made any sense, just looking for some support from people who have BTDT maybe and don't think I am just scared of him.

If the head of the household asks you to take care of the money (for a time even) then you should take care of it if you can. that would still fall under wifely submission. frankly, husbands - though leaders- are not perfect! they struggle and have weaknesses and parts of life they haven't mastered yet ykwim? If money management truly is something he struggles with and you're good at it... and he's okay with your doing it, I would go for it. and if you feel in your heart it should be his job, then pray about it, and pray that God would provide him learning opportunities for money management.

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by HennyPenny

If the head of the household asks you to take care of the money (for a time even) then you should take care of it if you can. that would still fall under wifely submission. frankly, husbands - though leaders- are not perfect! they struggle and have weaknesses and parts of life they haven't mastered yet ykwim? If money management truly is something he struggles with and you're good at it... and he's okay with your doing it, I would go for it. and if you feel in your heart it should be his job, then pray about it, and pray that God would provide him learning opportunities for money management.

Thank you so much for this! We have both prayed about this and feel that me being in charge of finances is best, he especially feels that this is right and so I do it. I do always consult him before making any purchases that are out of the norm or if anything changes, ykwim? I think the hardest thing for me is reminding myself to always be supportive and that if he asks me to do something (ie finances) then to do it with a willing heart.

[Kidzaplenty]

Yes, if your husband needs you to do something like the finances, then it is absolutely right for you to do it, as long as you CAN do it.

Remember the Proverbs 31 woman. She was not a "slave". She was not a "doormat". She did do finances. She did use her mind. She did make decisions. She just did it under his covering and brought honor to him with her dealings.

[AFWife]

Subbing and Joining.

My DH and I keep our marriage like this. As PPs have said, it's hard to explain to society how it works. He's the spiritual head of the household. He takes my opinion into consideration, but whenever a big decision is to be made (concerning anything) he has the final say. It's made our marriage work SO WELL! I couldn't imagine doing anything else.

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

Yes, if your husband needs you to do something like the finances, then it is absolutely right for you to do it, as long as you CAN do it.

Remember the Proverbs 31 woman. She was not a "slave". She was not a "doormat". She did do finances. She did use her mind. She did make decisions. She just did it under his covering and brought honor to him with her dealings.

Thank you again I do fully realize that I am capable of managing our finances and with him being military and getting deployed every other year it is probably best for many reasons, I should be thankful that I have a husband who recognizes areas in which I am better suited to do things and that he is able to lead our family in the right direction!! Now that I think about it more I have many friends whose husbands are not good with money but insist that they do it and have control over "the money they make" so they are constantly struggling... I am so blessed that my DH is not like this!!

[mommietime]

I think proverbs 31:16 (and beyond) is a good reference, as it specifically references a good wife who takes much initiative in the wellbeing of her household (including making financial decisions).

[Gnatty]

Hi AFWife!

I usually pay the bills, sometimes double checking with him to make sure that it's ok (in case the account might be a bit low and we shouldn't pay one early, etc). He is busy with work, so I see it as doing what I can, as a helpmeet, to free up his evenings so he can play with the baby and read a book for fun instead. Our pastor told us before we got married that his wife balanced the checkbook because she was skilled in that area and he delegated that to her. Knowing that made us more comfortable with it, I think.