~*Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #13 2009*~ - Page 9

[waldorfknitmama]

Originally Posted by Evie's Mama

I've been wanting to chat to some other Christian women about this. I'm really opposed to bikinis. Why not just walk outside in your underwear for goodness sake? But the more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I am even with one piece swimming suits. I feel like other men are seeing more of my body than they should even though I don't have a low cut one that shows cleavage or anything like that. My whole leg is bare though! I would never wear shorts that short or a skirt that showed that much leg ykwim?

Any thoughts on this?

Hey, ya know what? I actually believe the same thiing, except I've never even thought of it before. I know exactly what you mean, it is like a one piece undergarment.

[Moonprysm]

I had a tshirt/skirt bathing suit last year. But honestly I felt more immodest in the tshirt than in a regular top because there was no support in it at all. Plus it wasn't practical for nursing. I got a tankini top specifically for nursing this year and while it shows a bit more cleavage than i would like, in the end I personally feel like it's better, because I can nurse in it without exposing my entire breast, and they're not just out there for everybody to see with no support at all.

[DahliaRW]

Originally Posted by Evie's Mama

I've been wanting to chat to some other Christian women about this. I'm really opposed to bikinis. Why not just walk outside in your underwear for goodness sake? But the more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I am even with one piece swimming suits. I feel like other men are seeing more of my body than they should even though I don't have a low cut one that shows cleavage or anything like that. My whole leg is bare though! I would never wear shorts that short or a skirt that showed that much leg ykwim?

Any thoughts on this?

For me, modestly means keeping my thighs covered. I have a suit with a long skirt. I actually want one a bit longer, so I'm planning on making my own. Just haven't gotten around to it. I have this pattern: http://www.fashionablymodestpatterns...arpatterns.htm
If I wasn't pregnant and due in July I'd be making it now. But as it is, I won't be swimming this summer so no point!

Originally Posted by weliveintheforest

Sorry to butt in, but what churches do you Mamas belong to? I would like to find a spiritual home but am totally lost, as I am only recently realizing I believe in God and the bible. I'm looking for a church that would be supportive to someone believing in Biblical Marriage, dressing modestly etc.

Church of Christ (non-deonominational) here.

[Moonprysm]

Originally Posted by DahliaRW

For me, modestly means keeping my thighs covered. I have a suit with a long skirt. I actually want one a bit longer, so I'm planning on making my own. Just haven't gotten around to it. I have this pattern: http://www.fashionablymodestpatterns...arpatterns.htm
If I wasn't pregnant and due in July I'd be making it now. But as it is, I won't be swimming this summer so no point!

I love the patterns on that site! Too bad you have to be skinny to wear them. :

[Kimmiepie]

Ladies, how do you dress modestly/feminine without breaking the bank? I mean, everything I own is a t-shirt/tank top/jeans and capris etc. so I would really need to buy a whole new wardrobe! Which we cannot afford. I would like to wear fashionable skirts and dresses. I can't sew worth a lick so that's not an option. Does anyone have any ideas for cheap, fashionable styles? I've checked the thrift shops etc. and everything is kind of "grandma-ish"

Thanks!!

ETA: I am Messianic, to the mama who asked about denominations.

[zech13_9_goforgold]

Long skirts are in right now! Yea! You just have to shop carefully. My biggest problem is finding long skirts that aren't super dressy and aren't always blue jean. Depending on what size you are, you may be able to find stuff at economy-type stores (Target, K-mart, Wal-...). Do any of your friends sew? Could you hire one of them to make you a skirt? Look for sales at pricier stores. Fashion Bug has quite a few long skirts this season (once again, it depends on your size). For me, dressing modestly is kind of hit and miss (not in what I wear, but in what I can buy).

Good luck

[cappuccinosmom]

Kimmiepie--find a good thrift store!! All you really need to change is the bottoms, right? Pants to skirts? If I wore pants, I'd be a t-shirts and jeans gal. I'm a t-shirts and denim skirt gal, though. With some khaki thrown in. I just make the local thrift store a regular stopping point and pick up good stuff when I can. Walmart often has some nice, long skirts as well, if you catch them at the right time.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

I know a lot of women think that dressing modestly means skirts and such, but I am not of that persuasion. I genuinely see where women who feel strongly about that are coming from though.

I find that pants that aren't low rise enough to show off any skin or that fabulous panties sticking up out that back are ok for me and my husband agrees. For tops, I wear a lot of tee shirts and stay away tank tops that would show any portion of my bra or bra straps. I guess my tanks would be more accurately described as sleeveless and they look more like a tee shirt with the sleeves cut off than a tank!

[weliveintheforest]

Originally Posted by Kimmiepie

Does anyone have any ideas for cheap, fashionable styles? I've checked the thrift shops etc. and everything is kind of "grandma-ish"

I find that a lot of stuff in the thrift store looks better on me than it does on the rack, so if you can try stuff on it might help.
I have a hard time finding flattering stuff too, I find lots of things that are large enough to not be tight are quite boxy or big in the shoulders. Also, a lot of things just aren't long enough.

[momtokimari]

Originally Posted by DahliaRW

For me, modestly means keeping my thighs covered. I have a suit with a long skirt. I actually want one a bit longer, so I'm planning on making my own. Just haven't gotten around to it. I have this pattern: http://www.fashionablymodestpatterns...arpatterns.htm
If I wasn't pregnant and due in July I'd be making it now. But as it is, I won't be swimming this summer so no point!

I love it. I can't sew, but my grandma can. I bought DD a tankini this year. I haven't gotten anything for me because of baby weight and I can't swim. A good friend has a pool and hot tub though so I should. I'm too small for the ladies pattern, but too busty for this girls pattern.:
After I lose my weight, I am getting a whole new modest, feminine wardrobe. I'm excited. I have a hard time shopping for that sort of thing because I'm petite though. I can't wear an adult small when I'm in shape.

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by Evie's Mama

I know a lot of women think that dressing modestly means skirts and such, but I am not of that persuasion. I genuinely see where women who feel strongly about that are coming from though.

I find that pants that aren't low rise enough to show off any skin or that fabulous panties sticking up out that back are ok for me and my husband agrees. For tops, I wear a lot of tee shirts and stay away tank tops that would show any portion of my bra or bra straps. I guess my tanks would be more accurately described as sleeveless and they look more like a tee shirt with the sleeves cut off than a tank!

This is pretty much me too... I am wholy uncoordinated and I feel like in a lot of situations skirts are less modest for me, though I so wish I could be graceful and wear skirts more!! I don't wear anything super tight and no bra straps showing, I layer a lot too since a lot of shirts now a days seem to be pretty thin.

[DahliaRW]

Originally Posted by momtokimari

I love it. I can't sew, but my grandma can. I bought DD a tankini this year. I haven't gotten anything for me because of baby weight and I can't swim. A good friend has a pool and hot tub though so I should. I'm too small for the ladies pattern, but too busty for this girls pattern.:
After I lose my weight, I am getting a whole new modest, feminine wardrobe. I'm excited. I have a hard time shopping for that sort of thing because I'm petite though. I can't wear an adult small when I'm in shape.

I have to modify the women's pattern to accomidate a smaller chest, myself. Haven't done it yet, but I think it wouldn't be too hard to modify. There are other patterns out there too, if you google.



As for skirts vs. pants, I have no issues with modest pants myself. For me, I want them high enough (or shirt low enough) to not show mid-driff, and not tight. I personally feel that pants where the rear seam is in a woman's (or man's for that matter) "crack" and squeezes around the pubic bone to be horribly immodest. I wear a lot of jeans or capris (in the summer) and t-shirts or blouses. I actually really like wearing long skirts too, I just don't have as many.

I've ordered a couple of things from http://www.ringgerclothing.com/ . If you go sign up for their email list, usually every day or two then send out an email with discounted items (prototypes, returns, or used items). It's hit or miss, but sometimes they have cute stuff for decent prices. And I've had really good luck with them. Ordered a maternity jumper, when the seamstress got it back to them they found a flaw in it. They emailed me and asked if I wanted it for a discount or if I wanted them to rush to make me a new one. A lot of places probably would have shipped the original with the flaw. I really appreciated their honesty!

[genifer]

I love those modern swimsuits. My girls do too (they are 10, twins). I bought a swimsuit that I thought Id be comfortable in but, well Im not. it was only £1 tho. I like tankinis and thats what this one was but the bottoms are too much like briefs/underwear. I prefer shorts and that site had one swimsuit Id be really comfortable with and it was quite trendy too. I dont much like the big patterns tho but the skirt for my girls are great and the shorts on this page... bottom of page. http://www.fashionablymodestpatterns...arpictures.htm

As far as shopping in thrift stores, you kinda have to be a thrift store junkie to know how to find things . And ive been a thrift store junkie since I started earning my own money babysitting as a young teen so I can always find something I like at a thrift store. I LOVE them. In fact apart from underwear I almost exclusively buy from charity shops. A good thing to do is find one or two you really really like, you may have to go out of your area...into more posh areas... to find something more trendy and youthful but they may be a bit more expensive. The thing with charity shops is that instead of buying new clothes that have most likely been made using slave labor or sweatshops, you are actually, usually helping support something better instead. Most charity shops are .... charitable organisations. Also the clothes I often find are from more upscale shops, like gap or next (over here in uk).

As far as churches go, when I was a new christian i found calvary chapel was such a blessing to me, helped lay a good foundation and fostered good habits like reading the bible regularly. Im not a member of any church at the moment, but some weeks i attend a baptist church down the road from me.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

I haven't read all the past threads, so I'm not sure if this has been discussed before. But I'm curious on everyone's thoughts on submission in how it relates the bedroom (or wherever else you may find yourself ). I would never do anything that I felt was wrong, or unbiblical so to speak (and my husband thankfully, would never want to either). But what about when it comes to I'm exhausted, or just not in the mood, but he would like to have "relations". Is it not being submissive if I turn him down?

I would hope this is ok to discuss in this forum, but if not, please let me know!

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Should I not have asked that? :

[lj2blessed]

Originally Posted by Evie's Mama

Should I not have asked that? :

I don't think you "killed" the thread or anything; I wasn't sure if I had the "right" answer so I didn't answer you, sorry about that.

Ummmm, for me, I see "postponing" and "denying" as two entirely different things. I'd equate "I have a headache" with bad timing, like DH asking for it when you are on your way out the door to go to work or church. Would you be late for work/church/miss an important appt for the sake of "submitting" - I don't think so! If it's a constant headache or reason not to have "relations", yes - this is a problem and you are not submitting but withholding. Does that answer your question???

I've got a question - back to dressing modestly :

I'd love to wear more skirts, they make me feel very feminine. But I never know the right shoes to wear with them, where do I find help with that? I'm not a heel person - I'm close to 5'8" so I don't "need" the height, I never learned to walk in heels and I have weak ankles, I can barely wear wedge shoes without tripping HELP! The ballerina flats look silly on my size 9.5 feet, I just don't know what kinds of shoes to wear

[DariusMom]

Originally Posted by Evie's Mama

I haven't read all the past threads, so I'm not sure if this has been discussed before. But I'm curious on everyone's thoughts on submission in how it relates the bedroom (or wherever else you may find yourself ). I would never do anything that I felt was wrong, or unbiblical so to speak (and my husband thankfully, would never want to either). But what about when it comes to I'm exhausted, or just not in the mood, but he would like to have "relations". Is it not being submissive if I turn him down?

I would hope this is ok to discuss in this forum, but if not, please let me know!

I think this was actually discussed over on the Quiverful forum not too long ago, so you may want to check the last week or two worth of discussion over there. HTH.

[cappuccinosmom]

But what about when it comes to I'm exhausted, or just not in the mood, but he would like to have "relations". Is it not being submissive if I turn him down?

I think it depends. If you're seriously exhausted, or sick, or in pain, an *occasional* "Could you take a raincheck?" I don't think is a bad thing.

But the "in the mood" thing is sooooo unpredictable with us ladies, and you know it could be every single day for 6 months in a row, depending on hormones. It also unfortunately is so easy to fall into "not being in the mood" because that morning he did something annoying, kwim? I had an attitude shift a couple of years ago and started viewing it not as a boring/unpleasant/icky "duty" but as 1. A way to express love to dh (expressing love doesn't always make my toes curl ) and 2. An opportunity to let dh *get* me in the mood or at least try.

[bodhicitta3]

Originally Posted by Evie's Mama

I haven't read all the past threads, so I'm not sure if this has been discussed before. But I'm curious on everyone's thoughts on submission in how it relates the bedroom (or wherever else you may find yourself ). I would never do anything that I felt was wrong, or unbiblical so to speak (and my husband thankfully, would never want to either). But what about when it comes to I'm exhausted, or just not in the mood, but he would like to have "relations". Is it not being submissive if I turn him down?

I would hope this is ok to discuss in this forum, but if not, please let me know!

The book "Intimate Issues" by Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus is a fabulous book that discusses this from the Christian Perspective. It has helped me to realize what I should have been doing all along and my marriage has been blessed more in the past week than it has in the past 7 years! Our 7 year anniversary was Monday and I committed my self to being a submissive wife. This was a HUGE undertaking for me as I have been the strong leader in our family, causing my husband to come passive. Once I clearly understood what the bible says about biblical marriage there was no doubt in my mind that this was God's calling for me and for my marriage.

Oh BTW---I am new and joining you ladies!

[bodhicitta3]

Originally Posted by lj2blessed

I'd love to wear more skirts, they make me feel very feminine. But I never know the right shoes to wear with them, where do I find help with that? I'm not a heel person - I'm close to 5'8" so I don't "need" the height, I never learned to walk in heels and I have weak ankles, I can barely wear wedge shoes without tripping HELP! The ballerina flats look silly on my size 9.5 feet, I just don't know what kinds of shoes to wear

I never learned to walk in heels either but I am teaching myself! I started out with "kitten heels" and am working my way up. I am 5' 7" and wear a size 10.5, so flats look silly on me too!