~*Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #13 2009*~ - Page 2

[JesiLynne]

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[chely7425]

Originally Posted by Gnatty

Hi AFWife!

I usually pay the bills, sometimes double checking with him to make sure that it's ok (in case the account might be a bit low and we shouldn't pay one early, etc). He is busy with work, so I see it as doing what I can, as a helpmeet, to free up his evenings so he can play with the baby and read a book for fun instead. Our pastor told us before we got married that his wife balanced the checkbook because she was skilled in that area and he delegated that to her. Knowing that made us more comfortable with it, I think.

It is very good to hear that other couples do this as well!!!! We have an allotment (he is military) that goes to a separate account that is solely for bills so that is easy.. then I keep track of what we spend and I am in charge of making sure we stick to the budget we made. I agree that it does help free his evenings so he can spend time with our son!!!! I would much rather him be spending time with our children then balancing the check book.

[Kidzaplenty]

For many years I did the checkbook, and I am excellent at it. My DH is good at it too. But I decided one day to "quit".

For us, it was not so much me "helping" him, as it was him not stepping up into the headship role of our house. So now, he is the head and he does the finances. (Oh, I forgot to mention, that he is in banking! So it is not like he does not know what he is doing, and because of his profession, he always double checked everything I did anyways.)

I am actually very glad I no longer have to deal with the finances.

[chely7425]

I have a question for you ladies... me and DH go back and forth on the issue of BC. For the most part we are both totally comfortable and ready to just put it all in God's hands, but sometimes he has doubts. I feel that as he is the leader of the household I need to take his lead on what we will do, it would only be us using NFP or pull out as neither of us is comfortable with anything else... what is your take on this? I don't really have an RL friends to discuss this with...

[Kidzaplenty]

First, I would suggest sitting down and really coming to a decision and making a commitment. I know this is easier said than done; but, if you can do this, then it will be easier to stick to it.

You should find the will of God for your lives and then make a mutual decision to stick with it, even when doubts arrise.

If you, or you DH are really unsure about this, it is Biblical to back off for a season to pray about it. That is what I consider NFP.

And NFP is the only type of BC that I would ever use either.

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

First, I would suggest sitting down and really coming to a decision and making a commitment. I know this is easier said than done; but, if you can do this, then it will be easier to stick to it.

You should find the will of God for your lives and then make a mutual decision to stick with it, even when doubts arrise.

If you, or you DH are really unsure about this, it is Biblical to back off for a season to pray about it. That is what I consider NFP.

And NFP is the only type of BC that I would ever use either.

This is basically what we are doing... right now it is a non-issue as I am pregnant which he is thrilled about but he is more worried about once my fertility returns. We are both praying a lot about it, but we obviously need to be on the same page before we make such a huge commitment!! I know that for now I need to simply pray and talk with DH and use NFP as long as it takes us to come to a decision. It is just so hard...

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by chely7425

I have a question for you ladies... me and DH go back and forth on the issue of BC. For the most part we are both totally comfortable and ready to just put it all in God's hands, but sometimes he has doubts. I feel that as he is the leader of the household I need to take his lead on what we will do, it would only be us using NFP or pull out as neither of us is comfortable with anything else... what is your take on this? I don't really have an RL friends to discuss this with...

DH and I used the POM for the majority of our marriage. (I tried the Depo shot but it made me sick) About a year ago we decided that not pulling out felt more natural and we put it in God's hands. Basically, we flat stated, "If something happens it happens. We aren't TRYING but we aren't PREVENTING." We trusted that God would put a child in our lives when HE saw fit...and He did.

It wasn't something we just decided one day. We talked about it beforehand and it just felt like the right thing to do.

[Kidzaplenty]

Originally Posted by AFWife

DH "If something happens it happens. We aren't TRYING but we aren't PREVENTING." We trusted that God would put a child in our lives when HE saw fit...and He did.

That's us. It really is freeing!

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

That's us. It really is freeing!

I hope we can get to this point soon!!!! DH is about to go through some more schools (hopefully) to become a warrant officer so I think that will help him a lot, I know money is a big worry for him. He wanted another baby as SOON as our son was born though so I have a feeling part of the current issue might be the "oh goodness, we are going from 1 to 2!!!" thing! I know with prayer it will all work out though and that there is a plan to all this.

[Phantaja]

I just gave up the finances at my house and, contrary to what I thought, things didn't fall apart. I was shocked. He can handle this just as well as I did. And my mind is much more at ease. He lets me know what I can do with the money (ie Go ahead and pay the light bill and go grocery shopping and keep X for spending money but I'll take care of the cell phone bill myself.) and it's so much easier on me this way, rather than staring at the bank site and trying to do everything myself. I don't know or care when he plans to pay the cell phone bill or how he plans to pay it or where the money came from for the light bill. He said he'd handle it and I trust him to do it so it gets done.

I was a little disappointed before with submission because he didn't lead "to my liking." I'd submit for a little while and then fall back but I've let him lead for three months now (my longest stretch!) and things are ten times better in our marriage. Life is easier now.

[chely7425]

I was a little apprehensive about taking on the finances at our house until my husband pointed out that he had BEEN doing it and it wasnt working and I have an accounting degree and with him deploying frequently this is what he needed me to do. Once he put it like that I felt like in our situation it was ok, because even leaders have their weaknesses so helping him in something that is his weakness but my strength is bringing him honor by doing so. If he was capable of it and just not wanting to I would feel differently I think... I don't know if that makes any sense, being a baby jungle gym is not conducive to typing well worded thoughts!

[Kidzaplenty]

Originally Posted by chely7425

...being a baby jungle gym is not conducive to typing well worded thoughts!

I know what you mean. I have been NAKing, having my four YO climbing on me, and fielding questions from the rest of the children. Can make for a difficult time to respond properly. I look back at some posts and think, "What WAS I thinking?" Especially when I leave letters or words out!

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

I know what you mean. I have been NAKing, having my four YO climbing on me, and fielding questions from the rest of the children. Can make for a difficult time to respond properly. I look back at some posts and think, "What WAS I thinking?" Especially when I leave letters or words out!

I have totally had to go and edit posts I have made once the baby is in bed When I have trouble deciphering my own posts you knows its bad!!

[Soul-O]

Originally Posted by chely7425

Thank you again I do fully realize that I am capable of managing our finances and with him being military and getting deployed every other year it is probably best for many reasons, I should be thankful that I have a husband who recognizes areas in which I am better suited to do things and that he is able to lead our family in the right direction!! Now that I think about it more I have many friends whose husbands are not good with money but insist that they do it and have control over "the money they make" so they are constantly struggling... I am so blessed that my DH is not like this!!

Hi Rachel:

I'm also an Army wife, and find that my taking control of the finances and the household dealings is best for my DH, given the recent tenor of deployments and TDYs. He appreciates that I remember to pay the bills on time, and that I am more organized in general, and I appreciate that he doesn't have the compulsion to control the money flow as occurs in many households where there is a SAHM. I also feel blessed that my DH and I have entered into a submissive marriage prayerfully and with each other's best interests in mind. I have never felt that I was not being considered or cared for - just the opposite in fact.

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by Soul-O

Hi Rachel:

I'm also an Army wife, and find that my taking control of the finances and the household dealings is best for my DH, given the recent tenor of deployments and TDYs. He appreciates that I remember to pay the bills on time, and that I am more organized in general, and I appreciate that he doesn't have the compulsion to control the money flow as occurs in many households where there is a SAHM. I also feel blessed that my DH and I have entered into a submissive marriage prayerfully and with each other's best interests in mind. I have never felt that I was not being considered or cared for - just the opposite in fact.

I totally agree!!! Plus, I would almost feel selfish expecting him to handle all our finances from a war zone!

[Soul-O]

Originally Posted by chely7425

I totally agree!!! Plus, I would almost feel selfish expecting him to handle all our finances from a war zone!

Indeed! No need to make the guys worry about bills when RPGs are flying about!

Congrats on the baby, and your DH's decision to go to Warrant school. My DH did Officer Candidate School a few years back, and it was the best decision he ever made. Officer pay (and respect!) is a nice change .

[Soul-O]

Originally Posted by chely7425

I have a question for you ladies... me and DH go back and forth on the issue of BC. For the most part we are both totally comfortable and ready to just put it all in God's hands, but sometimes he has doubts. I feel that as he is the leader of the household I need to take his lead on what we will do, it would only be us using NFP or pull out as neither of us is comfortable with anything else... what is your take on this? I don't really have an RL friends to discuss this with...

I have a cautionary tale here...

The Army is quite happy to give out free vasectomies, and my DH took the bait while I was pregnant with #4. Although we had discussed the subject and had decided in our brains that we were "done" having children, neither of us had considered the subject prayerfully, sought wise counsel from our pastor, or gotten in touch with our hearts. As a result, after DS #4 came into our lives, we both realized that we felt called to have at least one, possibly two or more children (regardless of the dissenting from our families!), and that the vasectomy was a mistake. Now, we are faced with having an expensive reversal procedure, then putting BC in God's hands, with NFP as our only method from here on out. I agree with you that NFP is really the only means of BC that is appropriate if one is planning to leave conception to God.

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by Soul-O

I have a cautionary tale here...

The Army is quite happy to give out free vasectomies, and my DH took the bait while I was pregnant with #4. Although we had discussed the subject and had decided in our brains that we were "done" having children, neither of us had considered the subject prayerfully, sought wise counsel from our pastor, or gotten in touch with our hearts. As a result, after DS #4 came into our lives, we both realized that we felt called to have at least one, possibly two or more children (regardless of the dissenting from our families!), and that the vasectomy was a mistake. Now, we are faced with having an expensive reversal procedure, then putting BC in God's hands, with NFP as our only method from here on out. I agree with you that NFP is really the only means of BC that is appropriate if one is planning to leave conception to God.

Yeah, they offered DH a vasectomy at my first prenatal!! The OB was like, you know we have a surgery that can't prevent this right? DH looked at him and said... ummm why would we want to do that?? It was funny.

And I am very excited for him to go to warrant officer school!! What does your hubby do?

[katheek77]

Originally Posted by Soul-O

IThe Army is quite happy to give out free vasectomies, .

Thread-crashing.

They will do a free vasectomy only if you already have two children (or are pregnant with the second). We have one child (intended only), and they will not pay for DH to have a vasectomy because of that. I know a few other people with whom this has happened, as well.

BTW, you *may* be able to get the army to do it for free (or near free) if you are near an MTF...the doctors still need to keep their skills up, so, they will perform a limited number of surgeries that normally aren't covered by Tricare for free each year. Don't know if that helps, or if you were already aware of that.

[NaturalMindedMomma]

I need some guidance. I am unhappy and I feel like my fiance is unhappy. We are not legally married yet (it has to do with previous divorces) so I am not sure you will even want me to join.

I feel like I am such a feminist and I hate it. I want my man to be in charge. We are patiently waiting to get married and I keep seeing this part of him being so unhappy because I dictate to him a lot. I find most of my previous relationships have not worked and I think it may be due to my domineering personality. I have never had a male figure in my life to tell me what to do, not even my father. I find it so hard going to church feeling like I am not following what was meant for me to do.

I want Jose to be happy and I feel as though if he was the head of the household we would both be much happier.

Any ideas or help that you might offer?