~*Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #13 2009*~ - Page 3

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by NaturalMindedMomma

I need some guidance. I am unhappy and I feel like my fiance is unhappy. We are not legally married yet (it has to do with previous divorces) so I am not sure you will even want me to join.

I feel like I am such a feminist and I hate it. I want my man to be in charge. We are patiently waiting to get married and I keep seeing this part of him being so unhappy because I dictate to him a lot. I find most of my previous relationships have not worked and I think it may be due to my domineering personality. I have never had a male figure in my life to tell me what to do, not even my father. I find it so hard going to church feeling like I am not following what was meant for me to do.

I want Jose to be happy and I feel as though if he was the head of the household we would both be much happier.

Any ideas or help that you might offer?

I struggled with this for a long time, and I still have moments when I do. It is so hard to feel like I am right but for him to disagree. It has taken a LOT of prayer on my part to be able to let him lead. It isn't something that happens over night, at least it didn't for me. When we get in a tiff and we can't agree I just have to remind myself that he is the head of our house and that he wouldn't do something that he believed would hurt us or our family. It is a journey, and you can ask him to help you.

[maxwill129]

Originally Posted by chely7425

It has taken a LOT of prayer on my part to be able to let him lead.

This is so key. Prayer can and will change you!

[Soul-O]

Originally Posted by katheek77

Thread-crashing.

They will do a free vasectomy only if you already have two children (or are pregnant with the second). We have one child (intended only), and they will not pay for DH to have a vasectomy because of that. I know a few other people with whom this has happened, as well.

BTW, you *may* be able to get the army to do it for free (or near free) if you are near an MTF...the doctors still need to keep their skills up, so, they will perform a limited number of surgeries that normally aren't covered by Tricare for free each year. Don't know if that helps, or if you were already aware of that.

Ooo! Thanks for the info! We will be stationed at Ft. Lewis in April, so I'll have DH inquire there. We'd love to save the $7,000 or so required to have the reversal surgery if possible, as that $$$ would be nicely used on a home purchase instead .

[Soul-O]

Originally Posted by NaturalMindedMomma

I need some guidance. I am unhappy and I feel like my fiance is unhappy. We are not legally married yet (it has to do with previous divorces) so I am not sure you will even want me to join.

I feel like I am such a feminist and I hate it. I want my man to be in charge. We are patiently waiting to get married and I keep seeing this part of him being so unhappy because I dictate to him a lot. I find most of my previous relationships have not worked and I think it may be due to my domineering personality. I have never had a male figure in my life to tell me what to do, not even my father. I find it so hard going to church feeling like I am not following what was meant for me to do.

I want Jose to be happy and I feel as though if he was the head of the household we would both be much happier.

Any ideas or help that you might offer?

Hi Torre:

You've been given some great advice already, but I wanted to offer a few points of wisdom as well:

1. Allowing your DF to be the head of the head of the household doesn't mean that you give up your personality, your right to be heard, or that you become a different person.

2. Even though it may not be easy at first to be submissive to your DF, remember that there are resources out there (church, pastor, books, us) to support and guide you along your path. You are not alone.

3. The process of growing together as a couple and family is fluid and dynamic. Some days will be good, others will not. Just keep each other's best interests in mind, keep praying, keep reading your Bible. It will work out for the best in the end (Romans 8:28).

Good luck, and many . I'm glad you are here :.

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by Soul-O

Ooo! Thanks for the info! We will be stationed at Ft. Lewis in April, so I'll have DH inquire there. We'd love to save the $7,000 or so required to have the reversal surgery if possible, as that $$$ would be nicely used on a home purchase instead .

You should have some good luck at Ft Lewis!! It is a really big hospital (Madigan AMC) and they are a teaching hospital as well for new military MDs, so definitely look into it!! We were there before we came to Ft Polk, I miss it!! If you have any questions about it or the area just ask Ok, thread jack over!!

[AngelBee]

I hate my dh right now :

[Kidzaplenty]

Originally Posted by AngelBee

I hate my dh right now :

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by AngelBee

I hate my dh right now :

s

[Kidzaplenty]

If there is anything I can do, or just offer a listening ear, let me know. Otherwise, I will just be keeping you in my prayers.

[theretohere]

Originally Posted by AngelBee

I hate my dh right now :

Oh, no hun!

Is there anything that we can do?

[maxwill129]

Originally Posted by AngelBee

I hate my dh right now :

Oh no! I'm sorry you're feeling this way! I don't know what your situation is, but if it makes you feel better I called my best friend today and as soon as she answered said "My DH is an a**." Not that I'm in the habit of bad-mouthing him, it's just been a frustrating time.

[jewellz]

subbing

[DahliaRW]

Originally Posted by Soul-O

Ooo! Thanks for the info! We will be stationed at Ft. Lewis in April, so I'll have DH inquire there. We'd love to save the $7,000 or so required to have the reversal surgery if possible, as that $$$ would be nicely used on a home purchase instead .

I live an hour or so north of Ft. Lewis near Seattle! It's always fun to see another MDC mama coming to this area!


Angelbee - I have no idea why, but know that I think we ALL feel that way at some point. Some days are just hard.

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

If there is anything I can do, or just offer a listening ear, let me know. Otherwise, I will just be keeping you in my prayers.

Honestly....I guess I would really appreciate some Godly advice to sort through the issues at hand.

I have tried on another very conservative board to get assistance, but I feel that it all gets jocked up to "Be submissive and do not speak poorly of him" I understand that (mostly) however, what do you do when you are truly so hurt by him that you can not look him in the eye without either wishing you could kick him out or wanting to sob and turn into a puddle?

What do you do when they rarely keep there word?

I KNOW I have SO much to improve on as a wife (more than any of you will ever know : ) But sometimes I just don't get this Biblical marriage stuff. I KNOW it is a beautiful ideal. I just do not see how I can do it alone....without dh's participation at most times.

There are issues of alcoholism. Not first person but residual habits/issues from dh growing up in a SEVERE alcoholic home and being very abused. He is SO SWEET! But sometimes he just checks out and doesn't get what the big deal is.

For instance, he will go to his friends house for a beer and not answer his phone. This is after telling me he is on his way home.

I get it.....so and so calls after he talks to me and dh thinks "Oh...I will just stop for a minute" But 4 hours later with NO answer on his cell phone, I am falling apart. I am impatient with the kids. I am feeling sorry for myself. You get the picture.

He doesn't lead spiritually at all. I just feel so at a lose. I try SO HARD to keep a positive attitude and approach it from that angle.....but at what point are you sinning because you are lying to your spouse about your feelings?

Right now he repulses me. : I am angry with him and can't seem to get rid of those feelings as he says he has done nothing wrong and I am overreacting.

So.....how do I handle this?

Live in a luke warm relationship for now where I literally feel like I am just using him to pay our bills.

Or try to get help even if that means him living somewhere else.

I just feel so conflicted.

Honestly the other night I wept on the floor asking GOd why he has forsaken me.

He has shown me SOOOOOOOO much. He has HUGE plans for me and my family. Yet we are the last ones that should be chosen for any of it.

I know that is part of Rich's issue. He doesn't think he deserves his family.

I just hope he doesn't prove himself right.

Thank you for letting me just get that out. I do love my dh dearly : I just do not want life to be like it is right now. I know we can do sooooooo much better together.

I just do not know how much more letdown I can take.

[AngelBee]

Please do all pray. :

I know we are under attack here. Especially me.

And there have been a couple of times I have allowed doubt in my mind. Please pray for my spiritaul strength.

I KNOW that if Satan is going to spend this much energy on my family, GOD HAS GREAT PLANS FOR US!

[lj2blessed]

AngelBee - praying for you and DH!

Subbing ladies, this looks like the place for me! It's soooo hard sometimes IRL and online to talk to people with "matriarchal" relationships, it's crazy! My husband will admit that I'm smarter (sometimes I beg to differ) and have a more level head about things, but as spiritual head of household I allow him to lead and delegate something to me if he feels the need to! It works for us because that's how God ordained it, and I LOVE IT!

I'm Leah, but most folks online call me LJ!

[chely7425]

Angelbee... me and my DH have some very similar issues!! You are not alone. I too have SO much work to do as a wife, but sometimes DH just infuriates me because he doesn't get why I am upset about something or he figures it wouldn't upset him so why on earth would it upset anyone else? He too has trouble being a spiritual leader in our home at times, for him I think he is just still struggling to grow up after a lifetime of being coddled by his parents. I know it is so hard to be in a relationship where you know you need to trust your DH to lead but sometimes don't feel as thought he is doing it right/good enough. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me, I am always here for a listening, non judgemental ear. Continued prayers for you s

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by chely7425

Angelbee... me and my DH have some very similar issues!! You are not alone. I too have SO much work to do as a wife, but sometimes DH just infuriates me because he doesn't get why I am upset about something or he figures it wouldn't upset him so why on earth would it upset anyone else? He too has trouble being a spiritual leader in our home at times, for him I think he is just still struggling to grow up after a lifetime of being coddled by his parents. I know it is so hard to be in a relationship where you know you need to trust your DH to lead but sometimes don't feel as thought he is doing it right/good enough. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me, I am always here for a listening, non judgemental ear. Continued prayers for you s

Thank you

[cappuccinosmom]

AngelBee
Read your other post. Been thinking about replying but my brain is completely gone at the moment.

[Kidzaplenty]

AngelBee, I wanted you to know I was thinking about you. I have BTDT and know where you are coming from. I will be back to say more later (I have a sleep nursing LO at the moment that ties up my typing hands.