Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty
If there is anything I can do, or just offer a listening ear, let me know. Otherwise, I will just be keeping you in my prayers.
Honestly....I guess I would really appreciate some Godly advice to sort through the issues at hand.
I have tried on another very conservative board to get assistance, but I feel that it all gets jocked up to "Be submissive and do not speak poorly of him" I understand that (mostly) however, what do you do when you are truly so hurt by him that you can not look him in the eye without either wishing you could kick him out or wanting to sob and turn into a puddle?
What do you do when they rarely keep there word?
I KNOW I have SO much to improve on as a wife (more than any of you will ever know
: ) But sometimes I just don't get this Biblical marriage stuff. I KNOW it is a beautiful ideal. I just do not see how I can do it alone....without dh's participation at most times.
There are issues of alcoholism. Not first person but residual habits/issues from dh growing up in a SEVERE alcoholic home and being very abused. He is SO SWEET!
But sometimes he just checks out and doesn't get what the big deal is.
For instance, he will go to his friends house for a beer and not answer his phone. This is after telling me he is on his way home.
I get it.....so and so calls after he talks to me and dh thinks "Oh...I will just stop for a minute" But 4 hours later with NO answer on his cell phone, I am falling apart.
I am impatient with the kids. I am feeling sorry for myself. You get the picture.
He doesn't lead spiritually at all.
I just feel so at a lose. I try SO HARD to keep a positive attitude and approach it from that angle.....but at what point are you sinning because you are lying to your spouse about your feelings?
Right now he repulses me.
: I am angry with him and can't seem to get rid of those feelings as he says he has done nothing wrong and I am overreacting.
So.....how do I handle this?
Live in a luke warm relationship for now where I literally feel like I am just using him to pay our bills.
Or try to get help even if that means him living somewhere else.
I just feel so conflicted.
Honestly the other night I wept on the floor asking GOd why he has forsaken me.
He has shown me SOOOOOOOO much. He has HUGE plans for me and my family. Yet we are the last ones that should be chosen for any of it.
I know that is part of Rich's issue. He doesn't think he deserves his family.
I just hope he doesn't prove himself right.
Thank you for letting me just get that out. I do love my dh dearly
: I just do not want life to be like it is right now. I know we can do sooooooo much better together.
I just do not know how much more letdown I can take.