ok ladies... I need some serious advise. this is so longwinded, so I apologize!
I NEVER talk bad about my husband to anyone. so this is hard for me to even bring up. My husband, who I admit is good at just about everything else, is a TERRIBLE money manager. It is causing us a lot of stress. we are so close and I love him so dearly but money management is a big issue. Now, it wouldn't be an issue if we had a lot of money perhaps - but we have little. and we have a lot of expenses because of my problems in pregnancy, my daughter's celiac disease and so forth. basically it requires a lot of money in supplements and special foods. any way you cut it GF is expensive. so what little money we do have is spent for us before we even get to smell it it seems!
My son needs an eye exam badly. he's having horrible vision headaches. well more like migraines - to the point he cries and cries b/c it hurts so bad. I've put it off as long as I could... but he really needs it. not having quite enough to go we talked it over and decided to ask if my parents wanted to chip in. They were totally cool with helping out
: and gave me $100 towards it. Well for months now we had been planning an aquairum field trip that we got in for almost free b/c of a homeschooling discount. Now my son needs glasses, but we also wanted to take into factor that he is homeschooled, we just moved so he has had ZERO friends and NO playdates for 6 months. he isn't in a co op and misses our family and friends back home. Basically he is home all day every day unless it's trips to the grocery. he's a social kid and it's been really hard on him. He has been REALLY looking fwd to this. and for his sake, and the sake of family unity we decided even though it would be even more tight, it was the right choice.
well we went over our money for this next two weeks and he told me what bills were due, what money we had available etc etc... and we decided we had enough.
(btw my parents new about the trip, so it's not like they thought we were just taking their money or whatever - they wanted my son to be able to go too. so no dishonesty there). we work it out that this week would be extra tight but do-able. it was great trip - totally worth it! we got to see friends and family and it was just plain good all around. SO glad we went. we were as thrifty as we could be with it so it was all good. no regrets.
until today. I was looking for the money I told my husband that I left on the desk in a cubby area so I could get my son's appt ready. I wanted to make sure the money was in a safe place still and find a good deal on an eye exam. but it wasn't where I left it. or anywhere else i could find it. so I emailed my husband. he responds.
"I did a bad thing. I spent it at the aquarium b/c I forgot it was for he eye exam. I thought it was just some fun money your parents gave us for the kids so I figured we should use it on the trip"
*sigh*
I hold A LOT of respect for my husband. A LOT. I love him dearly, and i love his commitment to his family. I can't say that enough. But I am SO SO SO tired of this money mismanagement. I KNOW we'd not be rich by any stretch... but we would have enough money for an eye exam, for example. IN his eyes he made an honest mistake... but he was trying to use that "free" money wisely. so it's like beating a dead horse - all in all he fails to see why the mistake happened - b/c of bad planning and lack of communication or set up of how money should be used to begin with.
so the question begs... why don't I handle the money? well I used to! and I did a pretty good job... but it clearly made him feel very inferior. He wouldn't say why, but it affected our closeness and i know it hurt his feelings or whatever. (everyone has their right to crazy feelings). So I backed off. and now? well now I just do A LOT. I manage the home, cooking, kids, homeschooling and I am quite sick on light duty with this pregnancy. I just don't know how i could physically or emotionally take on another duty right now. and I know he is stressed to b/c he works and picks up on where I can't do extra b/c of being on light duty. he's no slacker or anything.
He thinks we have too little money to even try to budget. he says everytime we try to budget something come sup unexpectedly and blows the budget outta the water. to me though that's like saying why try to eat healthy b/c you never know when you might have to run to get fast food when you're in a pinch. *sigh* he doesn't see it my way.
so what do we do? I don't wish to disrespect him. I don't want to hurt his feelings. but I CAN NOT deal with this money mess. this lack of organization. I mean really... it's terrible. we never just go out and start buying whatever we want. it's not like that. it's just we have SO little allotted to us, that we need to be VERY careful. esp in this economy. we have NOTHING in savings. not a dime. and I'm worried.
any great ideas on how to approach this? My husband is usually very easy to talk to. but any time I bring up money he just tenses up. even if I try to be really cool about it. it's like I hit a total brick wall. he starts admitting how bad he is at it... and then nothing. no change. nada. same old over and over for 10 years. I'm feeling a bit irritated honestly. I don't want him to admit he's wrong... I want him to find a way (or help me find a way) to deal with it and fix it.
how can I bring this up and get him to listen? what could I do to make it easier for him to manage the money? and how do I not hurt his pride?
but I do try once every other week or so to also make a special meal (even if it's just spaghetti) for us to eat alone together after the kids go to bed. We spent hours at night talking. I don't communicate with anyone as much as I do him- and he knows it. 
mama. I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time right now. I haven't any personal experience with those books, so hopefully someone else chimes in.
mama! Is there a pastor you can talk to? Does your church have someone in charge of stewardship?
I'm not feeling happy that dh got pulled over and I'm not rejoicing that he's feeling bad about it. But it does feel good that there's no possible way I was the "bad guy" and dh had to admit it. 
