Sexual preference in a 9 yo?

[swampgreeneyes]

DD announced at a Pride Festival we were visiting with friends that she wants to marry a Woman of Color one day. While I am not opposed to this (in fact, she's been inclined that way as far back as I can remember), I wonder how sure she can be of what she wants at this age, as well as how best to protect her fragile self esteem as we don't live in the most understanding area. We are blessed with friends of all colors, sizes and inclinations, but it may not be the same when she doesn't have the same support net from her peers. I have simply advised her that I just want her to be happy with whoever she chooses to love. Any advice?

[MusicianDad]

On the how sure can she be of what she wants. A good friend of my stated at a young age (6 I think) that if he couldn't marry a boy he wasn't going to get married. He is now a happy, healthy gay man. So she can be pretty sure. If she's old enough to be experiencing crushes. She's old enough to know if she likes males or females.

For protecting her from those who are not so comfortable with the idea, all I can say is the support system your DD and family have is probably the most vital part. If she feels comfortable at home and with family friends, then she will likely grow up comfortable with herself no matter what those around her seem to think.

[Lazy Gardens]

Don't put too much into her statement at this age, but don't discount it.

At 9 I wanted to marry my best friend (another girl). I think it was her ranch and horses more than her. By 18 I was solidly heterosexual ... the friend is now in a same-sex relationship and very happy.

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by Lazy Gardens

Don't put too much into her statement at this age, but don't discount it.

At 9 I wanted to marry my best friend (another girl). I think it was her ranch and horses more than her. By 18 I was solidly heterosexual ... the friend is now in a same-sex relationship and very happy.

I agree. don't put too much into her statement but don't discount it, either.

[Arwyn]

Especially if she's always expressed those preferences, I'd say it's likely they're real. The only confusion I had about my preferences were because I had no concept of bisexuality, only gay or straight. But the preferences were clearly there by kindergarten.

Just be there for her, and surround her with a support system (aka family, biological or not) who will love her unconditionally. You cn't prote t her from everything, but you can give her a safe, soft place to land.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by Lazy Gardens

Don't put too much into her statement at this age, but don't discount it.

especially if she was at a pride fest. I'm married and feel like kissing girls at pride marches! The atmosphere is electric!

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by kriket

especially if she was at a pride fest. I'm married and feel like kissing girls at pride marches! The atmosphere is electric!

That's funny, I never feel like kissing girls at a pride fest.

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by kriket

especially if she was at a pride fest. I'm married and feel like kissing girls at pride marches! The atmosphere is electric!

That is a good point.

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

That's funny, I never feel like kissing girls at a pride fest.

[starling&diesel]

I knew I was a dyke from a very early age, and had my first 'girlfriend' at nine, although we didn't really understand what that was about.
Twenty-five years later, still with women ... never been with a guy.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

That's funny, I never feel like kissing girls at a pride fest.

and girls don't feel like kissing you!

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by kriket

and girls don't feel like kissing you!

All the better becausse the rest of the time it seems like every girl I meet wants to kiss me. Pride week is a blessing in that respect.

[Ruthla]

What about a cyber kiss?

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

What about a cyber kiss?

*runs from Ruthla*

[Danielle13]

I hope you don't mind, I am lurking on this board. Well not lurking I just saw this post while heading to the toddler forum. Anyways, I am curious how did you see her preferences early on? Sometimes I wonder if I see preferances with dd though she is only 15m I could be crazy but am just curious when it started/what they were

[MusicianDad]

They usually aren't signs you see in someone. They are signs they see in themselves. Sort of like, you figure out at an early age that your going to marry a man and have kids. For some people they know from an early age that they want to marry someone of the same gender. Or the sense that your just not like everyone else and don't know exactly why.

For the parent the "knowledge" seems to come more from knowing their child and picking up on the fact that they aren't straight. My dad put two and two together when he relized I spent more time sleeping over at DH's place then my best friends house at the time.

[Danielle13]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

They usually aren't signs you see in someone. They are signs they see in themselves. Sort of like, you figure out at an early age that your going to marry a man and have kids. For some people they know from an early age that they want to marry someone of the same gender. Or the sense that your just not like everyone else and don't know exactly why.

For the parent the "knowledge" seems to come more from knowing their child and picking up on the fact that they aren't straight. My dad put two and two together when he relized I spent more time sleeping over at DH's place then my best friends house at the time.

Thank you! that was very insiteful I suppose I'm just thinking things because I read this post lol. Time will only tell.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by Danielle13

Thank you! that was very insiteful I suppose I'm just thinking things because I read this post lol. Time will only tell.

Yup , DD hasn't shown any preference either way yet. She does seem prone to intellegence crushes though. As long as they are smart enough, she like 'em.

[ziggy]

When I was in kindergarten I wrote that I'd grow up and get married and I'd be the groom and somebody would be the bride.

Let's talk about self fulfilling prophecies

[Theoretica]

Lots of really good input here, but wanted to add my .02:

7yoDD has said several times that she wants to marry so and so who is a girl, or so and so who is a boy. It's not a big issue to us either, but I have no clue if she's actually gay or bi or straight or whatever. We've talked about getting married as something grown ups do with someone they love. We have friends who are lesbians and friends who are gay men, and friends who are straight, and we refer to all of them as married, so it doesn't cross her mind that it wouldn't be an option to marry either gender

I'm wondering if, at a pride parade, and coming from an accepting and open family, she saw a beautiful woman of color and thought WOW...! It may or may not indicate her preferences, but more a growing awareness of beauty in people around her.

That'd be my take if it was 7yoDD saying it, at least

Congrats, BTW mama, on raising such an open minded kiddo!