Furious at what I saw today - UPDATE post 92 - Page 3

[tanyam926]

Nursing in the bathroom is disgusting, just like anyone else eating in the bathroom. I do think it is offensive.

If they were really concerned with allowing a place for mothers to BF discretely if they wished, why not put a screen or something in the lounge area.

It seems like they are saying that the chair below the little sign is the place mothers should go if they need to nurse.

[1littlebit]

i think it is a nice idea if a woman wants to nurse there. i think they should put a sign in the lounge area that welcomes nursing mothers there as well.

this is why:

lets say a woman comes in to lounge area and starts to nurse her infant (or toddler, kid, w/e). she is well aware of the sign and/or is content to nurse where she is. someone with a big mouth says so 'um if your going to do that you have to go sit over there' and points to the sign. if there is no sign in the lounge area the mother may feel that she has to move. if there is a sign in there the mama may not have had to listen to the comment from the other pushy lady.

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by tanyam926

Nursing in the bathroom is disgusting, just like anyone else eating in the bathroom. I do think it is offensive.

If they were really concerned with allowing a place for mothers to BF discretely if they wished, why not put a screen or something in the lounge area.

It seems like they are saying that the chair below the little sign is the place mothers should go if they need to nurse.

Being forced to nurse in a bathroom is dusgustinged but nuring in a restroom is not.

I think it is wrong and very judgemental of you to say this when some women do it by free choice.

Your offense is your problem lay off the nursing mom that would make this choice for a varity of reason.

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by tanyam926

Nursing in the bathroom is disgusting, just like anyone else eating in the bathroom. I do think it is offensive.

If they were really concerned with allowing a place for mothers to BF discretely if they wished, why not put a screen or something in the lounge area.

It seems like they are saying that the chair below the little sign is the place mothers should go if they need to nurse.

I absolutely disagree with this.

A woman being forced to hide nursing anywhere--including a bathroom--is disgusting.

A woman who CHOOSES to nurse in the bathroom, whatever her reason, is exercising her right to choose when and where to feed her child.

The sign was on the chair, not on the breastfeeding mother. The only thing that sign said is that only nursing moms can sit in it. Sure, we can extrapolate other meaning, but logically, the sign doesn't support it. Which is why I totally agree with the poster who said the best thing would be to email the company for clarification. "It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."

[3pink1blue]

to me, I just hate that there is a specified "nursing area." I would never use it no matter where it was. If I am nursing my baby, no one can tell. (He;s not that distractible yet.) But everyone would know if I was right under the sign, and then you deal with people looking. They automatically look. If they see a sign that says "breastfeeding only" you are going to naturally glance down at the person sitting under it.

I just wouldn't want that kind of attention drawn to me.

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by 3pink1blue

to me, I just hate that there is a specified "nursing area." I would never use it no matter where it was. If I am nursing my baby, no one can tell. (He;s not that distractible yet.) But everyone would know if I was right under the sign, and then you deal with people looking. They automatically look. If they see a sign that says "breastfeeding only" you are going to naturally glance down at the person sitting under it.

I just wouldn't want that kind of attention drawn to me.

It does seem a little like there should be a neon arrow overtop the chair the says "Breastfeeding Is Happening Here!" doesn't it?

[annettemarie]

OK, and one more thing.

I've fed my kid in a bathroom, and I'm a huge "pop it out anywhere, anytime" proponant. Sometimes, it's for no other reason than that's where I've been when my kid has started screaming for food. If I was bottlefeeding, and I was in a bathroom, and my child started yelling, I'd do exactly the same thing. Heck, I've actually fed a newborn going through a growth spurt while I was going to the bathroom. And it's not the same as anyone else eating in the bathroom, unless their food is also self-contained in an unbreachable, germ-resistant container. So DDDDC me disgusting if you want, but to me, nursing mother's rights is about me feeding my child when and where I deem fit.

[In Exile]

Any stores that wants to be really nice about Breastfeeding would have a separate feeding/family room that has nothing to do with peeing and pooping of adults, period.

Having worked in lots of retail establishments- a lot of times a "breastfeeding chair" is put in the bathroom with the specific purpose to AVOID the sight of nursing in the general sales area. Yes, I am not making this up. It's not being done to be NICE, that happens to keep nursing moms in the bathroom.

I am sure there are some stores that genuinely try to help by putting chairs in bathrooms-but in a lot of stores that's are measure to keep nursing women in the bathroom.

This is the nursing situation at Ikea in MA.
http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/b...othetoilet.jpg

I did not nurse there. That is called the Family room, which in itself is nice. You can actually go to the bathroom yourself without your toddler going haywire, free diapers-that's cool. The nursing situation next to a stall and dirty toilet paper trailing? Not so cool.

I wrote them a year ago and never received an answer. Now that is not the general IKEA situation, Ikeas in Germany have seperate nursing spots if you which yo choose them that have nothing to do with a toilet stall. But then again you find plenty of comfy couches at Ikea.

[lizw]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

OK, and one more thing.

I've fed my kid in a bathroom, and I'm a huge "pop it out anywhere, anytime" proponant. Sometimes, it's for no other reason than that's where I've been when my kid has started screaming for food. If I was bottlefeeding, and I was in a bathroom, and my child started yelling, I'd do exactly the same thing. Heck, I've actually fed a newborn going through a growth spurt while I was going to the bathroom. And it's not the same as anyone else eating in the bathroom, unless their food is also self-contained in an unbreachable, germ-resistant container. So DDDDC me disgusting if you want, but to me, nursing mother's rights is about me feeding my child when and where I deem fit.

:

It is hard to please everyone and some people are going to *itch no matter what....if there is a chair or there is not a chair...if the chair is in the bathroom or in the middle of the store....so i just choose to go on about my business and usually no one notices what you are doing....just my 2 cents...

[KirstenMary]

Originally Posted by kidspiration

A chair in a bathroom being an acceptable place for a mother to feed her child is exactly one of the reasons why a mom might not be comfortable nursing in public. With that kind of attitude about nursing, is it any wonder?

No one is telling a mother she HAS to nurse there; neither is she being told to use a bathroom stall. The chair is simply an alternative.

Originally Posted by tanyam926

Nursing in the bathroom is disgusting, just like anyone else eating in the bathroom. I do think it is offensive.

If they were really concerned with allowing a place for mothers to BF discretely if they wished, why not put a screen or something in the lounge area.

It seems like they are saying that the chair below the little sign is the place mothers should go if they need to nurse.

If you think it's offensive, nurse somewhere else. It's not as if the business has a sign at the front door stating "Mothers May Nurse in Restroom Only."

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I absolutely disagree with this.

A woman being forced to hide nursing anywhere--including a bathroom--is disgusting.

A woman who CHOOSES to nurse in the bathroom, whatever her reason, is exercising her right to choose when and where to feed her child.

The sign was on the chair, not on the breastfeeding mother. The only thing that sign said is that only nursing moms can sit in it. Sure, we can extrapolate other meaning, but logically, the sign doesn't support it. Which is why I totally agree with the poster who said the best thing would be to email the company for clarification. "It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."

I totally agree.

[KirstenMary]

Exactly. This is not a battle I would pick.

Originally Posted by lizw

:

It is hard to please everyone and some people are going to *itch no matter what....if there is a chair or there is not a chair...if the chair is in the bathroom or in the middle of the store....so i just choose to go on about my business and usually no one notices what you are doing....just my 2 cents...

[riverscout]

I think it is easy for us here on the lactivism board to say "well I would just nurse wherever anyway so the sign doesn't matter." Of course we would. But others who are not so confident and knowledgeable may be be susceptible to the power of suggestion like the first time mom who doesn't know her rights. Also, I imagine that the sign would give some people the impression that they can direct a nursing mother to the chair like 1littlebit mentioned.

I don't really think it matters what the intent of management was, be it a kind gesture or a way to keep nursing mothers tucked away in the bathroom. I think a lot of people would assume, rightly or wrongly, that nursing moms should sit there and not elsewhere. I just don't like the message it sends.

I think a kind suggestion to management to change the wording of the sign and/or move the chair across to the lounge would be appropriate.

[Gabe'sMummy]

I think it sends out the wrong message too. Though it's nice they have reserved a chair for bf'ing moms who might not be so comfortable bf'ing in male company, it does imply (rightly or wrongly) to a new mother that this chair is where you SHOULD bf. :

I would have no problem with it if they had a breastfeeding friendly sign up in the lounge area.

I am now formula feeding DS and there is such a lack of baby feeding facilities available in general. Hard, uncomfortable chairs with no arms in baby changing areas. Even CUBICLES for mamas with nasty benches like a swimming pool cubicle, ick. I seriously think if stores improved their nursing/baby feeding/changing rooms, they would get better custom. I make a conscious effort to go to a lovely store with a gorgeous nursing chair that I feed DS in. I don't think any bfing mamas know it exists as I've never seen anyone else in there!


Sorry to go off topic.

[KirstenMary]

Originally Posted by riverscout

I think it is easy for us here on the lactivism board to say "well I would just nurse wherever anyway so the sign doesn't matter." Of course we would. But others who are not so confident and knowledgeable may be be susceptible to the power of suggestion like the first time mom who doesn't know her rights. Also, I imagine that the sign would give some people the impression that they can direct a nursing mother to the chair like 1littlebit mentioned.

I don't really think it matters what the intent of management was, be it a kind gesture or a way to keep nursing mothers tucked away in the bathroom. I think a lot of people would assume, rightly or wrongly, that nursing moms should sit there and not elsewhere. I just don't like the message it sends.

I think a kind suggestion to management to change the wording of the sign and/or move the chair across to the lounge would be appropriate.

But neither the sign nor the chair are sending that message. If a breastfeeding mother infers that message, that is from her and her alone.

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by riverscout

I don't really think it matters what the intent of management was, be it a kind gesture or a way to keep nursing mothers tucked away in the bathroom. I think a lot of people would assume, rightly or wrongly, that nursing moms should sit there and not elsewhere. I just don't like the message it sends.

I think a kind suggestion to management to change the wording of the sign and/or move the chair across to the lounge would be appropriate.

I think the intent of the management matters insofar as deciding how to respond.

Kind gesture? Send a nice note explaining why that sign could be misconstrued by other customers, and thank them for thinking of the comfort of nursing moms.

Trying to hide the nursing moms? Then bring out the big guns.

Not sure? Try the nice note and see how they respond, then have the nurse-in if warranted. I just don't think always jumping right to being angry, offended, and protesting is a good way to handle things. Because if they *are* just trying to help out breastfeeding mothers (misguided as it may be), jumping down their throats makes people go "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" and that's the end of their consideration.

[lizw]

Originally Posted by riverscout

I think it is easy for us here on the lactivism board to say "well I would just nurse wherever anyway so the sign doesn't matter." Of course we would. But others who are not so confident and knowledgeable may be be susceptible to the power of suggestion like the first time mom who doesn't know her rights. Also, I imagine that the sign would give some people the impression that they can direct a nursing mother to the chair like 1littlebit mentioned.

I don't really think it matters what the intent of management was, be it a kind gesture or a way to keep nursing mothers tucked away in the bathroom. I think a lot of people would assume, rightly or wrongly, that nursing moms should sit there and not elsewhere. I just don't like the message it sends.

I think a kind suggestion to management to change the wording of the sign and/or move the chair across to the lounge would be appropriate.

just curious, what would you have the sign say?

also, do we know is the lounge for women only or is it a common lounge for everyone that leads to the men/womens bathrooms? never been in this store before...

[tanyam926]

Sorry if I offended anyone but it is my opionion that nursing in a public bathroom is disgusting. My opinion.

I was in no way bashing moms who choose to do it for whatever reason.

I wouldn't give my toddler a snack in there while waiting for my other kid to finish just bc that's where we were when my kid got hungry.

Feel free to disagree, that's what discussion is all about.

My comment was meant to speak to the fact that a lot of people (store owners, employees, news media, etc.) think that there is nothing wrong with expecting a mom to nurse in a bathroom and that many lactavists answer with the question, "Would you want to eat in a bathroom?" Well, no. No one would want to eat in bathroom.

I think when store owners do this (put up signs, etc.) they are usually not saying this is where you have to BF, but that this is an acceptable place to BF. In my opinion it's not.

Just my $.02

[runes]

Where is the chair for moms that feed their children formula?

[MaryJaneLouise]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it was the only place I was allowed to nurse. I'd think "Oh, how nice" and then nurse wherever I wanted to.

What if the sign said "chair reserved for black women"? Of course, black women could sit in the lounge, or anywhere else they wished. But why would even want to make the suggestion that they were any different from any else in their sittingness (is that a word )

A better sign would be worded something like, "Nursing moms are welcome anywhere in our store (museum whatever). If you need to nurse in private, please contact one of our store personnel."

[riverscout]

Originally Posted by KirstenMary

But neither the sign nor the chair are sending that message. If a breastfeeding mother infers that message, that is from her and her alone.

I was trying to look at this from the perspective of a mother who may not have the confidence, support, and knowledge that many of us here do in regards to breastfeeding...a woman who I once was. I think it is important to consider how people, all people not just breastfeeding mothers, may interpret that sign and whether that interpretation could negatively impact a breastfeeding mother and her child. I thought that was at least in part what lactivism was about.

Originally Posted by lizw

just curious, what would you have the sign say?

also, do we know is the lounge for women only or is it a common lounge for everyone that leads to the men/womens bathrooms? never been in this store before...

The OP stated in post #5:

Sorry, didn't realize that you can't really see the lounge in the pictures. It's on the left and the toilet area is on the right. Right now, it has a table, several plants, and one of those chairs shaped like a high heel. There's plenty of room for a chair that can't be seen from the door for mothers who want privacy

I assume based on that she means it's a ladies lounge. I have been in quite a few bathrooms that have one like Nordstrom for example.

As far as the sign, maybe just something acknowledging that breastfeeding is acceptable elsewhere throughout the store but that the chair is there as a courtesy.