I'm of two minds about this stuff.
Originally Posted by hmk123
How do I know I will make baby food? Because I cook EVERYNIGHT and our blender and food processor sits perpetually on the counter for our daily uses. And since we grow organic veggies on our farm, why would I feed my child those organic veggies which Gerber got frow who knows where and squashed up for me?
Well, you might realize that babies don't need baby food
. And decide to skip all that and just share your own food (pre-mastication or not) with your baby when your baby is ready
.An old thread I remember getting particularly involved in: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ight=baby+food
Originally Posted by Niamh
Oh, sweetie, it doesn't end after the baby is born. Then you get the "wait til they start walking', 'wait til they start talking back', 'wait til they have a sibling', wait 'til, wait 'til, wait 'til..... It never ends. You will eventually fall into line with the mainstream because of something that your kids do. I'm expecting to hear 'wait til you have grandkids' in twenty years.
...so true. And so
Originally Posted by EnviroBecca
Even on these boards, I heard it a couple of times
Yes, I see this on the board at times. And it can be annoying. I may have even participated a couple
of times in the, "If you only have one, don't judge me because you just don't know what you'd do in my shoes" or the "if your kids don't have special needs, you have no idea."
See, I agree with those folks who are saying that it is true, on some level that you don't know. It's like what everyone has said in terms of, "Before you are a parent, you know how to parent children, and once you are a parent, you learn how to parent your own child." Flexibility is important. To me, now that I am a mom, more than the annoyance of the posts from folks saying, "you have no idea" are the posts when folks come and post how the only way good parents will do something is this one particular way that they have determined is ideal. It implies that others aren't being thoughtful enough when they make different choices. It also implies that *all* kids will be the same. Half the time, the "ideal" proposed is non-applicable to a huge chunk of kids. Just as an example, some parents seem to believe based on their own experiences that it is impossible for a baby to not like being in a sling. They will claim it's a matter of the *type* of sling, or the sling position, or the parent not liking it, or basically anything but that the child simply might not being into it. I have a nephew who really did not like it. Honestly. No matter what the sling was, and what position he was in. And it had nothing to do with his mom, who slung my other nephew. This kid didn't like to be in a sling. That's it.
I too had a *lot* of pre-parenting experience: having younger sibs and cousins (I was second to youngest in my family, so only had one younger brother, but I did have younger "God-siblings" with whom we are very close), babysitting from a young age, eventually working as a nanny, and later working briefly in a preschool. I had a lot of great skills and knowledge, and I was prepared. Like one of the other nanny-before-children posters said, I might have been a little too confident. Because I do find that now, sometimes I lose touch with my skills and knowledge by virtue of the incredibly intense and intimate parenthood experience. And I also find that sometimes life has a plan of its own, despite my hard and fast commitment.
Those who have said that parenthood can be humbling are right.More importantly, I draw on a lot on my pre-children experience and thinking as a baseline of skills and knowledge, but I am learning now that my most significant teachers are my own children.
All that said, I think the things you mentioned are all the types of things that are among the least likely to change...and why people feel the need to say you won't be able to follow through...who knows
|Most often, what people want when they say things like that is to have their own decisions validated.
Not just their decisions
, but I think also their life experiences
too. Also, as others said, perhaps they worry that your standards are so high that you will end up exhausted or disappointed. Maybe incorrect, but maybe they come from a good, caring place about it.
The advice to just ask them to tell you more is good because if you can stand to sit there and listen, it gives their line of thinking time to run its whole course, and then you've validated them by listening...which over the longrun
, probably will reduce the number of times they feel the need to come to you and say things like this. I've noticed that people who don't feel heard just start "shouting" eventually, in one way or another.
Originally Posted by kiwiva
Just get used to it. Seriously once the baby is here, if everything isn't perfect they will tell you how much worse it could be or usually that it is/was worse for them. If it is going well, then the "just waits" go on and on.
I agree, and its annoying. But on the other hand, when you are a mama who is really struggling for one reason or another (example...my first child actually sleeps, my second child has an inhuman ability to never sleep, at least not for more than a couple hours at a time...at nearly three, she still just doesn't ever give me a rest), it can feel like you are on a different planet from everyone else. I can see why folks get tempted to tell others how lucky they are because it probably is true to some extent.
One thing I see a lot on MDC, and elsewhere...but especially here, is that anytime things go smoothly with our kids, we tend to give ourselves more credit than we probably deserve. "I just know my child never cries because I breastfeed whenever she is hungry," etc. Then, when things are hard, we tend to assign more blame to ourselves than we deserve. "My child cries all the time. I've tried everything, and I just don't get it. What am I doing wrong?" I swear that in the "ages and stages" section of these boards, a good 70+% of posts fall in one of these categories.
Because we tend to do that, it makes sense that a lot of times we also get defensive. If my baby was crying all the time, and I was trying all the things everybody else is saying ensure their babies never cry, it would make sense that at some point my attitude would become, "Hey you people whose babies never cry: you just have no freakin' idea!"
So if this posts make it sound like I am of two minds, you are right. Because I get why you are annoyed, and yet I also get why people say these annoying things. And I've both been annoyed by people saying it to me, and also have said some of these things myself. Ah, the experience of being a mother! It is so crazy making. It makes us comfortable with shades of grey and paradox like never before.