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You cannot possibly know... - Page 4

post #61 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolar2 View Post
If you ever ruin another cake (assuming you didn't put, like, laundry starch in it): crumble it up, mix it to a moldable consistency with some frosting and/ or booze of some kind (anything cake-y, like rum, bourbon, or sweet liqueur), and shape it into one-inch balls. Freeze on a cookie sheet until firm. Dip in melted chocolate or white chocolate, or I guess you could roll them in something like powdered sugar or coconut or whatever (haven't tried that).
Oooh, I'm gonna go buy cake mix now! lol!
post #62 of 102
Good point-- the cake doesn't HAVE to be ruined to make cake balls out of it. You can do it with a perfectly good cake too.
post #63 of 102
I just want to know one thing. How am I supposed to remember to make cake balls when I am so exhausted that I am sitting on the kitchen floor in a flood of tears with the first cake failure LOL ?!
post #64 of 102
Put the cake failure in the freezer until you calm down. You can thaw it and make cake balls later.
post #65 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by WeasleyMum View Post
Argh, I get this stuff too sometimes, even though I try to keep my plans/ideas to myself as much as possible. There are two different ideas running through my head:

1. Of course, everytbody is right; we can't know until we get there. Duh.

2. BUT, doesn't it make more sense to have a plan, an idea, a value system?

Take labor and birth; since I'm pregnant with # 1, obviously I don't know what labor will feel like. How could I? But does that mean that I shouldn't have a plan, based on my values, of what I WANT to do? It's not likely that someone would get a drug-free, intervention-free birth (in a hospital) without thinking about it ahead of time.
kidspiration is right on... In fact, the level of "mama guilt" that can happen is one thing I truly did not expect or even know happened. I think lots of us planned here for a natural, med free birth. And many of us had them. But not everyone. I had 2 c-sections even after planning and doulas and midwives... The though process that starts to leak in is "I read epidurals/c-sections/whatever are terrible. Did I harm my baby? I am a failure already. I should have been stronger/smarter/whatever. I must not be a good mother. I thought I could be "prefect" because I thought I knew just what to do. I am not the mother I thought I would be." So many moms are tearing themselves up on MDC torturing themselves that if their baby ever cries ever they are somehow practicing "cry it out". If they ever loose their temper, they have been a horrible mother and "not GD". Babies cry. Sometimes we all loose our temper- we are human. But often the guilt and self flagilation that comes with all this is from taking their plans as "the one right way" and anything less is unacceptable. Then (as the train of thought goes) if we do them, we ourselves are sub-standard. The truth is- parenting is hard. Real hard. And you love those little munchkins more than you ever could imagine in a way that is totally different than any other person in your life. But kids are resillient. And being able to come to a balance of making plans and accepting when they sometimes go awry is essential to the mental health of all mothers. And it sounds simple and obvious, but so many mothers (myself included) had to learn the hard way- that "perfection" is not possible, that plans can be changed, that the things we thought were so terrible sometimes aren't afterall... And that we can be good mothers and make mistakes, change out minds and all that.

I think we're just trying to tell people out there that we don't need to torture ourselves . Plans are good. Guilt in not being able to follow all of them through 100% is bad.
post #66 of 102
First of all, yes, yes, yes, knowing your values is always a good idea going into a new endeavor, especially parenting.

When I look back on my parenting journey there are lots of things I KNEW I'd do that didn't happen. I knew my baby wouldn't take a pacifier (he had one in his mouth when they put him in my arms at the adoption agency, and it basically didn't come out for 3 years), I knew he'd sleep in a crib (I think he did once, for about 8 nanoseconds), I knew I'd only feed him healthy foods (he had his first Skittles at 18 months -- I'm pretty sure that doesn't count as fruit).

At the same time, my core parenting values -- treating him with respect at all times, parenting without violence, anger or force, listening carefully to what he's trying to communicate from long before he could talk, prioritizing his emotional health etc . . . These things have stayed constant, and I'm pretty proud of how well I've stuck to them. When I did change my mind on parenting practices it was often because I realized that for this particular child in my particular family a different practice actually ended up being a better fit with my value system.

So, while I think if you set your mind on certain parenting "practices" you're likely to fail to some degree, but if you set your mind on using certain values to guide your parenting choices, then I think you'll be successful.

As an example, if you say "I will breastfeed" you might end up being wrong. But if you say "I will always try and make the healthiest choices for my child" you're likely to breastfeed, you'll certainly be motivated to try, and if you end up not doing so it will because for this particular child another choice ended up being more in line with that value.

BTW, since people liked my formula story I thought I should finish it. A few weeks after the incident I told the story to my mom. She looked at me like I was crazy and said "If you put the formula in the jar before the water, and you mismeasure you can dump it back in the can and measure it again."

So, apparently not only can I not count when I'm sleep deprived, I can't think logically either.
post #67 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sierra View Post
I just want to know one thing. How am I supposed to remember to make cake balls when I am so exhausted that I am sitting on the kitchen floor in a flood of tears with the first cake failure LOL ?!
Um... serve that cake up anyway with a big smile! I did almost the same thing (except I didn't trash the cakes). DH had for his birthday a lopsided box cake with way too much uneven frosting and crazy red dye in it and horrible sprinkles on the top to try and liven it up. I had a 3 week old baby at the time and I was maxed out. It was a disaster. We sang Happy Birthday and laughed. My older DS LOVED it with all that frosting and candy sprinkles. Hey- these are the things that make up life. If that stupid cake had been perfect we would never have remembered it. Now we have something to look back on and chuckle about - how (and why!) we choked down that terrible cake!
post #68 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momily View Post
So, while I think if you set your mind on certain parenting "practices" you're likely to fail to some degree, but if you set your mind on using certain values to guide your parenting choices, then I think you'll be successful.
Well put!
post #69 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momily View Post
BTW, since people liked my formula story I thought I should finish it. A few weeks after the incident I told the story to my mom. She looked at me like I was crazy and said "If you put the formula in the jar before the water, and you mismeasure you can dump it back in the can and measure it again."
If you do that, remember to measure the water in a separate container.
post #70 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolar2 View Post
If you do that, remember to measure the water in a separate container.
Well, he's 9 so I'm not making much formula these days.

But yeah, I knew that. However, before I told my story to my mom I told it to my pediatrician who gave me a script for RTF formula from WIC (he was on a crazy expensive medical formula) which solved that particular problem.
post #71 of 102
About measuring formula, you could also always use those little formula holder tupperware things. You premeasure the formula, dump into a holder, close the lid, and then when night comes and you get up to make a bottle, you can just open the lid and dump the entire contents into the bottle. (Can you tell that as a foster mom I have spent a lot of time premeasuring formula.)

'Nuff said on Mothering about formula. I'd hate to see the mods have to ask us to delete posts about formula or something.

Edited to add: Actually, truth be told, in the case of the cakes, I didn't end up crying. I did throw them out, but I laughed and moved on. However, when you are that exhausted...you never know.
post #72 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sierra View Post
About measuring formula, you could also always use those little formula holder tupperware things. You premeasure the formula, dump into a holder, close the lid, and then when night comes and you get up to make a bottle, you can just open the lid and dump the entire contents into the bottle. (Can you tell that as a foster mom I have spent a lot of time premeasuring formula.)

'Nuff said on Mothering about formula. I'd hate to see the mods have to ask us to delete posts about formula or something.

Edited to add: Actually, truth be told, in the case of the cakes, I didn't end up crying. I did throw them out, but I laughed and moved on. However, when you are that exhausted...you never know.
I agree that the formula is getting way off thread, but I'd still be annoyed if the mods closed a thread because an adoptive mom and a foster mom mentioned formula. I actually think it's a good example of being true to your values rather than specific practicies that while I'm a strong believer in breastfeeding and lactivism I'm also confident that my choice to formula feed was absolutely the right choice for my little guy and 100% consistent with my value system.

BTW, those little tupperware things don't really work with the hypoallergenic formula we had because it had to be heated up to get the powder to dissolve -- it was nasty stuff I tell you. Oh yeah, and he's 9 so the formula is a thing of the past.
post #73 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momily View Post
I agree that the formula is getting way off thread, but I'd still be annoyed if the mods closed a thread because an adoptive mom and a foster mom mentioned formula.
I don't think they'd likely close the thread, but they might pm us to ask to delete. Even in terms of what we could talk about on Foster and Adoptive Parenting, I remember there had to be a whole debate over what exactly would be allowed. What I took from the end result was that it was fine for us to talk formula on that forum, but not elsewhere. I could have misunderstood.

Quote:
BTW, those little tupperware things don't really work with the hypoallergenic formula we had because it had to be heated up to get the powder to dissolve -- it was nasty stuff I tell you. Oh yeah, and he's 9 so the formula is a thing of the past.
Whoah! The hypoallergenic stuff ds was on smelled *awful* but did not disolve!
post #74 of 102
The ad links underneath this thread are coming up all cake recipes.
post #75 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by frontierpsych View Post
I just wonder why people feel the need to ask obvious questions when it comes to this type of thing. Like:


"I'm planning a homebirth."
"but what if you need a c-section?"
obviously the answer would be "then I'll transfer and have a c-section." are they expecting "That's what butcher knives are for!"?

Actually, this is what my DH tells his coworkers!

Really! When they ask about the dangers and "what if's", he just tells them that he keeps a sharp knife ready just in case he needs to do the c/s. (And he can say it with a straight face so they are unsure if he is serious or not!)


As for the comments, well, naturally, it has been a while since I have had them. I have pretty much covered about any and every situation by now. But I have heard them before, both to me and to others.

And the reality is it is true. You cannot possibly know...whatever until you have been there.

But I don't think it is the comments so much as the way they are presented.

Because, I have been known to tell others (on very rare occasions), "you just don't know until you have seven children under your feet all at once" or something similar, but I have never said it in a condecending manner or a "I am better than you way". When I have used the statement it was during conversations with friends or family and it was in a fun, be flexible idea way. Not in a mean way.

My thoughts have changed much over the years, I KNOW. I have used the statement, "If I only knew then what I know now!" way too often. But we learn, we grow, life throws us curve balls.

It does not hurt to have a plan.

I always said I would have all my children at home and you would not get me into a hospital. Everyone told me the old, "you'll change your mind when you go into labor" or some other "you could not possibly know..." stateme. And I did not go into the hospital, at all, ever, until I had my ninth child. I never knew I would give in to a hospital birth. But I also never knew I would get pre-E.

So, really, you could not possibly know until you have BTDT, but, one day you will know whether or not everything you plan will be how you planned it.
post #76 of 102
OK Sierra, I'm obviously tired and need to go to bed, because I'm laughing at the idea that some Mama is going to come hear and read this thread and decide that we've made formula look good. To summarize we've made the following points about formula:

1) The mamas who use it end up so sleep deprived they can't count to 6 or make a box cake (isn't it supposed to help your baby sleep longer? apparently that doesn't work so well).

2) You need special equipment to make it, only the special equipment designed for making it doesn't really work.

3) It smells nasty.

4) It doesn't dissolve, even when you shake it really hard.

5) It costs a fortune.

I think MDC should be lauding us right now for our lactivism!!!!!
post #77 of 102
I wasn't the least bit crunchy before having DS, and since becoming a mother I have learned so much, and completely changed the way I look at things. I cloth diaper, I prepare all of his foods (fresh, local, organic when available), I'm breastfeeding (13 months and going strong!) I co-sleep (part time now that he jumps out of the bed lol), and the list goes on.

Having a child can only make you MORE aware of how your actions affect the world. Why would you suddenly become LESS crunchy when you become a mother? That makes no sense!

Hang in there mama. Do what you already know is right for your family, and ignore everyone else.
post #78 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momily View Post
1) The mamas who use it end up so sleep deprived they can't count to 6 or make a box cake (isn't it supposed to help your baby sleep longer? apparently that doesn't work so well).
Box cake makes your baby sleep longer? I haven't tried that one yet.
post #79 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolar2 View Post
Box cake makes your baby sleep longer? I haven't tried that one yet.
You'll have to ask a breastfeeding mama. Those of us who ff are too exhausted to actually make the cake and find out.
post #80 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by frontierpsych View Post
I just wonder why people feel the need to ask obvious questions when it comes to this type of thing. Like:

"I plan to breastfeed."
"But what if you can't breastfeed?"
are they expecting "Then I'll do it anyways, dammit!"

or

"I'm planning a homebirth."
"but what if you need a c-section?"
obviously the answer would be "then I'll transfer and have a c-section." are they expecting "That's what butcher knives are for!"?

: When my family realized that my fil was incontinent and that *we* are the ones who have to clean up the mess, they're like, isn't that gross? What if you get "stuff" on your hands???? I said, well, we DO have gloves and if we were out of them, it DOES wash off. Did they think I licked my fingers clean?????

And my comment about not dismissing my feelings/choices was not directed to anyone here.... just more of a general statement.
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