PhD-ing Mamas! Acheiving and Believing in 2009! - Page 7

[~pi]

Best of luck to everyone with deadlines looming!

I have committed to handing in a complete rough draft at the end of this month and I am having so much trouble this week. I swear I do know how to focus, it's just not happening right now. Starting to panic ever so slightly ... gah!

[Carita]

you are so close to done - can you feel it? once i can hop that surge, and get going, I just don't slow down! you can do it!

[muchpeace]

hey everyone. just checking in to see how you are all doing? is everyone making headway on their deadlines? how about summer, doing anything fun?

i'm having a really hard time making it through my findings chapters, 2 are due in a week (completed with minor revisions after). then #3 is due in 2 weeks. after that it's the last chapter & that's it, minus minor revisions. meaning if all goes well by july 31st i'll have the manuscript done, with august to make any remaining revisions & prepare for defense.

and i'm freaking out because i feel like i cannot focus right now. this week i have set it up with dh that i'll leave the house for 2 hours at a time, 4 evenings, to work away from home to see if that helps, i think it will. less time to get distracted & less distractions.

i really can't wait until august, i think once i see most of it done i'll feel better. i hope i'd really like to enjoy at some down time this summer.

[~pi]

muchpeace, I am so with you on the lack of focus. My best strategy so far has been chunking everything into very small tasks.

[FtMPapa]

I'm so with y'all on the lack of focus! I have two projects I have to get off my desk by Friday, because I am leaving for a five week field work trip, which will probably take me a full week to recover from upon my return, and then I'm off to volunteer at summer camp for a week.

What happened to my summer????

The field work trip is a happy coincidence - I had dinner with a former professor and she needed a research assistant, I've never travelled, and I didn't have any firm plans this summer besides recuperate, so off I go - next stop, South America.

MuchPeace - it sounds like you have a plan in place! GET OUTTA DA HOUSE!!! You're so close - just gotta keep ploughing.

[debfsb]

:
as of 30 minutes ago, i'm officially ABD. yay, yay, yay.

i had my prospectus defense this morning. it's also our 2nd anniversary today and DS turned 1 last week. happy happy things.

good luck to muchpeace!! sounds like you are SO close to being done!

[Carita]

congrats deb

awesome opportunity ftmpapa

My Dh got the job he wanted - its an instructor position, but sort of tenure track - his qualifications are good enough for asst prof, but they couldn't offer that becaues tey hadn't advertised for it, YKIM, so in a few years he will be re-evaluated for possible promotion. So we are moving. My advisor is away in Paris or some other thing - I had to write him an e-mail. This is so awkward...

[New_Natural_Mom]

How did you choose your dissertation topic? I have 5 more classes until my comps, then I start my dissertation. I have many ideas, but nothing I can really narrow down to a final topic. I don't really have much access to advisors either.

How did you start? I am reading articles and other research, etc, but I can't quite come up with "the topic".

[isaoma]

Hi all,

Sorry to be a downer amongst all the good news. But, what kept you going? I am in the middle of my proposal (actually since 2006) and have completed field work. But, I haven't been very productive since the birth of my daughter (2 years ago). I took a leave of absence, came back to find my advisor retired. I have a new advisor, but the relationship is still awkward. I had some personal tragedies this year (mother in debilitating car accident) and I did fall off the radar.

I got an email from my advisor telling me that I made "unsatisfactory" progress this year, and perhaps I should resign since I haven't been productive in the past couple of years. Frankly, I am almost ready to quit. Part of me feels so torn - I don't feel like I am a good student or mother because I feel stretched.

Ugg, I *used* to be a good student, but life happens and now I just feel tired...

[Carita]

Same thing happened to me. I had to put DS in preschool full time to make any progress. I had a meeting and I told him - I completely agree with you - I haven't been performing up to my standards either. I will find ways to turn it around.

Then I talked to another professor and got tips for what to do, and now I send weekly e-mail updates to my advisor with what I have done and what I will do the next week. Keeps me accountable. Then I went to counseling on campus and got some ADD counseling to cope with the forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, etc.

All in all, you have to decide what you really want - can you get an MS out of this? What are your job prospects. IDK what field work means, but I am guessing biology or ecology or some such field that usually has a tight acadmeic market and often 2 postdocs at least are required before securing a position. If you quit, what will you do? Do you have finances to SAHM?, will you have to work at some other FT job? What really interests you and calls you?

Those are just some thoughts - I hope they help.

[debfsb]

Originally Posted by New_Natural_Mom

How did you choose your dissertation topic?

I am using a topic from one of my seminar papers that I really like and that has a lot of room for expansion. I'd definitely try to have a topic you really like so that you stay interested. It seems hard to find "the topic" w/o much help from an adviser, though - it helps when someone in your field can say, oh yeah, this is a great topic, etc.

isaoma -- aw, hugs. it is SO hard to be a good student and a good mom. i think i can only manage it (sometimes) b/c this year DH has worked at home too, so we both have really flexible schedules. and even w/ that it's really hard. AND, it sounds like you've been dealing w/ some really big life events that would make ANY student need time off. it's unfortunate that you had to change advisors, that doesn't help at all. when i felt like "giving up" i thought about how in 10 years i'd be really pissed at myself for not finishing my program. do you feel like you would regret stopping? that's one thing to think about. regardless, though, life does happen, like you said, and all those family things are more important than school. it seems like it might help if you can talk w/ your advisor about your intentions (once you figure them out) and what your timeline might be - that way he/she knows what to expect. it's so discouraging to get an "unsatisfactory", esp when we've been "good" students for so long. erg. anyway, i hope you can sort out what you need to do and be at peace w/ it.

[DariusMom]

I'm going to defend today.

Wish me luck!!!!

[Carita]

good luck!

[readytobedone]

Originally Posted by isaoma

I got an email from my advisor telling me that I made "unsatisfactory" progress this year, and perhaps I should resign since I haven't been productive in the past couple of years.

ouch. you had a baby, and then your mom was seriously injured. of course you aren't being productive. most people wouldn't. i don't think your advisor's comments here are helpful--much more helpful would be to inquire how you were progressing, and meet with you to talk over goals and so forth.

and i certainly wouldn't broach the topic of your leaving the program over email! that's ridiculous of him (or her).

Frankly, I am almost ready to quit. Part of me feels so torn - I don't feel like I am a good student or mother because I feel stretched.

i felt like that till i got daycare 3-4 days a week. it's a godsend, just having time to work and not be on the mommy clock. do you have regular childcare hours? you need them if you're going to do this!

Ugg, I *used* to be a good student, but life happens and now I just feel tired...

i was *thisclose* to giving up, too, but i'm glad i didn't. i'm onto my second chapter now and feeling really good about how things are progressing. i can't tell you what you should do, but in my case, it really was a question of taking the plunge, putting DD in daycare, and committing myself to my work.

i agree with carita--think about your other options. in my case, there basically were none, but to finish. i'm in english--an MA does diddly for you, pretty much, unless you want to teach high school. and i definitely don't. all in all, a PhD is the right course for me, but it helped my decision to know there weren't a lot of other options. your field may be very different from this.

[~pi]

Originally Posted by DariusMom

I'm going to defend today.

Wish me luck!!!!

Hope it went great!!!

isaoma,

[DariusMom]

Originally Posted by ~pi

Hope it went great!!!

isaoma,

Went fabulously, and now I'm "Dr." :

I just want to say that, although I didn't post a lot on these threads, or on the ABD Moms yahoo group, reading about the trials and tribulations of all you other mamas out there gave me such strength and inspiration.

In a department full of younger (mostly male) colleagues who could work around the clock and still go out for drinks and network, I sometimes felt isolated and sorry for myself. Research trips and conferences were a major hurdle and required a logistical dance that others simply didn't have to go through. Knowing that there were other women out there like me kept me going. And having my son hold my hand as we walked out after the defense and tell me how proud he was of my "big book" made it all worthwhile.

Hang in there, Mamas. You can and *will* do it!

[isaoma]

Congrats DariusMom!

Originally Posted by DariusMom

And having my son hold my hand as we walked out after the defense and tell me how proud he was of my "big book" made it all worthwhile.

this is the sweetest thing I've heard all week.

UPDATE - I contacted two of my committee members this week with the news of my evaluation. They both were very supportive and rallied behind me (why is my department so dysfunctional?).

One of the committee members who is outside of my department told me that the same thing happened to their student (who was dissertating, but 'slowed' down to have a baby last fall). Apparently, the "crack-down" is coming from up-above (Graduate Studies) and part of a new agenda, she thinks that somehow I got caught in this too. As her department's graduate advisor, she told me what steps they took to remedy the situation: write a letter to my chair and the department chair, give a timeline and the month to month steps I will take to adhere to the timeline. She also gave me strategies for talking to my new dissertation chair, who is a very decent man, but does not really go out of his way to defend any of his students.

I've decided to plug along. I'm in a humanistic social science and have a master's already (which won't get me a job). Thanks for all the support and advice mamas!

[~pi]

Originally Posted by DariusMom

Went fabulously, and now I'm "Dr." :

Congrats!!! : :

Originally Posted by isaoma

UPDATE - I contacted two of my committee members this week with the news of my evaluation. They both were very supportive and rallied behind me (why is my department so dysfunctional?).

One of the committee members who is outside of my department told me that the same thing happened to their student (who was dissertating, but 'slowed' down to have a baby last fall). Apparently, the "crack-down" is coming from up-above (Graduate Studies) and part of a new agenda, she thinks that somehow I got caught in this too. As her department's graduate advisor, she told me what steps they took to remedy the situation: write a letter to my chair and the department chair, give a timeline and the month to month steps I will take to adhere to the timeline. She also gave me strategies for talking to my new dissertation chair, who is a very decent man, but does not really go out of his way to defend any of his students.

I've decided to plug along. I'm in a humanistic social science and have a master's already (which won't get me a job). Thanks for all the support and advice mamas!

Congrats on finding a way through this issue!

[muchpeace]

DariusMom--
:::

WOO HOO!!!! congrats on being an official Dr. And how awesome that your son said that, I seriously started to cry reading it. beautiful, simply beautiful.

Deb--
:

Another big WOO HOO!! congrats on the proposal! It's great to cross that hurdle, isn't it?

isaoma--glad you were able to work out a solution.

Carita--how'd your advisor respond?

FtMPapa--cool beans on having that fall into your lap.

And thank you all for encouraging me!!

I did not send off chapter 6, it wasn't ready. I tore it and chapter 5 apart. I got 5 back together & it makes a lot more sense in the new order. 6 is now an incoherent mess, but I should get it together by the weekend & 7 is shaping well. I hated not getting both chapters to my advisor, but it wouldn't have worked the way I was initially trying to organize it. And since these are chapters that should be ready for the final draft after I get the comments back, I need to get them right.

I am just freaking out, because August is coming up way too fast. And I have always felt torn between academia & a life outside of it. Now it's nearing the end & I am closer to making decisions. Plus, being a student has been part of my life for so long. *sigh* isn't it supposed to get easier at some point? Anyway. Thanks for reading me ramble on, back to work now!

[Carita]

Well we both got back to the office yesterday after our respective travels. And the office was flooded! Not exactly the best time to talk, but he said that DH's offer sounded like a great opportunity, and so I took that as a sign that he is on board. I said that when he was done sorting out the office situation to drop me an e-mail and we could talk aboiut specifics. I figured I had 2 choices when I wrote him the initial mail - one asking for permission or one that said that this is what we needed to do and are you willing to work with me? And I wrote the second type of letter, so I guess I didn't give him much choice on how he could respond I am too close to publishing a paper for him to let me go - LOL