Hello everyone. Let me first just say that your warmth and love and well-wishes could be felt all the way here, in my own private Hell: hospital, recovering from a medically necessary emergency c-section. And, second, we have a beautiful, healthy, perfect baby girl.
I'm grieving the loss of my birth experience, and I will be grieving for months, probably longer. Yes, I know that it was absolutely the ONLY way for us to have had a safe birth. But knowing that doesn't make it easier to do. And we also had one of the best surgeons, who is committed to mothers' well-being, not just his schedule or other background motives. But, in spite of all that, I felt like I was raped in the operating room. I have a lot to process, still, but I've been violated, and it will be a traumatic recovery.
For the moment, I wanted to let everyone know that home birth worked for us. We had excellent prenatal care, my baby and I were/are in excellent health, and we did everything right. This last week, we did some extra testing because we were post-dates - it wasn't required nor was there a specific reason for doing it. We just followed my gut instincts on this.
I'm not quite ready to write the whole story, but we knew something was wrong on Thursday when we decided to go to the hospital. Still, we thought that we could have a vaginal birth, but within an hour of arriving at the hospital, we knew things were worse. The OB arrived, and within 10 minutes, we were informed that c/s was needed *now*. I never thought that could happen to me. Our MW was with us the whole time, even the OR.
Recovery has been painful, and I have a high tolerance for pain. I think that my sadness has made recovering difficult. We're still here, waiting for the OB to clear us - yesterday, he said he wanted us to stay at least through Monday. My parents are leaving tomorrow morning, and it would be nice to have help getting settled into the house. But it all depends on how things look today. (I've pooped, TMI ... walking, etc.) I'm going to nap now then try walking more soon - maybe after a shower.
thanks again to everyone.
--janis
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