Sept 04 Mamas: New Thread for a New Year! - Page 2

[banana girl]

Originally Posted by janasmama

Does yours read from the Bible? If they don't, what do they use as a reference? Is Jesus excluded from the UU church? I feel like that's what everyone says about UU churches but I've never gone. Fill me in.

We attend a UU congregation from time to time and I must admit I haven't heard Jesus's name mentioned much... if at all. humm. However, my experience has been incredibly postive, in that they don't exclude any viewpoint. I suspect some scholarly types, might roll their eyes at you, if yammered on about Jesus a lot, but my impression is that they tend to honor him as an important and influential person who did good. Maybe that's just my take on things.
Since they don't use the Bible as a primary reference, you could expect to hear about modern day activists, or a ministers reflections on Parenting, Grief or Charity. Or perhaps a discussion of censorship and it's influence on society. I've seen college professors speak about topics you might expect in a classroom as well as individual congregation members share their convictions during "This I Believe" speeches, which included on man's views on the value of junk... reusing or repairing that which had been discarded. I've particularly enjoyed altered traditions, such as "Flower Communion" at Easter, where everyone brings flowers and eventually leaves with different flowers, showing that we give and take from one another... fun and pretty and not full of Crucifixion images to freak my kids out...
I haven't heard anyone badmouth Jesus, but I get a sense they scoff at magical thinking and well, he's pretty magical, if you know what I mean. I'd be surprised if anyone made an issue out of it though... Unitarians accept others, that's kinda the point.

hope that helps

[JenInMpls]

Anna, you and your family are always so good at creating magical, memorable moments. Glad you had some catharsis and I hope that it helps you to begin really healing.

I have a friend who is a UU minister, I can ask her about the whole Bible/Jesus thing.

updates on my blog, hm, my blog has been lacking lately. Something about the whole baby-being-awake-while-the-older-is-at-school thing. Yesterday I wanted a cup of coffee and to sit down with the newspaper - it being Sunday and all, I know, I have very high expectations - and before I managed to get around to making that cup of coffee about 90 minutes later I swapped a load of laundry, hung up the clean stuff to dry, cleaned up in the kitchen a bit (a really wee tiny bit though), tended to my filmjölk, and then realized that I was going to make coffee about an hour ago. And it still took me another 1/2 hour to get to it. So I'm not getting around to much of anything nowadays, it seems.

My task for the day today is to hash out a personal statement in both English and German about professional goals and such as I am applying for a fellowship to a program for teachers which includes 2 seminars at the U of MN and a 3-week stay in Germany. I initially balked at the 3 weeks in Germany and said to Jo "gosh, it's too bad that I can't do this..." and she told me to apply! The big being that it will most certainly give me enough credit for my teaching license which expires this June, and it is vastly, vastly subsidized. So cross your fingers for me. The thought of going to Germany by myself is thrilling, but the thought of leaving my babies at home for nearly a month is agonizing...

[Yo Becca]

Heidi - Thanks, that gave me a chuckle! I think there is something to putting positive vibes out there.

Jnanasmama: My understanding (and we haven't joined the church, but when you do, there are more in-depth classes) is that the UU church is a congrgation of people seeking a path of faith and spirituality, welcoming each other whereever they are on that path, and working outwardly to create justice in the world. The readings we have heard have been drawn from many faiths and sources, including scholarly works, writings from various faiths, etc. We've heard scripture from the Bible and from Jewish holy texts and hindu poems as well. yesterday, the sermon was about MLK, about taking leadership even when you don't think you are a leader, and about the support of others that helps you take leadership, and the reading was actually a passage from Barrack Obama's book (a reading about how he felt like a failure and wasn't going to step up to lead again). Before thanksgiving, the reading was a short story about what it means to be rich, read in three parts by an elementary student. The UU church accepts science, but isn't completely without "magic," I'd say. The songs include many familiar hymns, although some of the words are changed to make them open to wider interpretation - including taking out references to Jesus. In that respect, you may not find it a good fit. It's such that you can sing the song and it be about Jesus, but the next person could sing the sond and have a different meaning in mind. Our UU church seems to have a strong population that came from a Jewish tradition, and that is discussed at times. There is a time of meditation each service - with like a prayer before it, then a time for personal meditation. They also have a great RE (religious education) program, which Robin loves, but also very much welcome children into the service. I want Robin to have a tradition of worship and the ritual of religion, but I don't want to feel like a hypocrite, and I feel that the UU church allows me to be where I am in my religious beliefs, and Clint as well. Clint calls it a "crazy hippy church" - he was raised Catholic, but is very much a non-believer in Catholicism. I appreciate the outward focus as well - that part of the mission of the church is not just service, but social justice.

Meg - Congrats. the thing to remember is, there's never the perfect time to have a baby. But you have an open heart and an open home, and the baby will be a perfect fit for your family.

Jen - wishing you so much clarity and purpose as you sum up in a page your life's purpose! That's always a challenge!

[AugustineM]

Congrats, Meg! Yay!! I kept expecting to read that news from you sometime soon. I have another friend who just found out she's pregnant, due at the end of August, with her third baby. They are also in the process of adopting from Ethiopia, so now they're wondering what to do!

Anna -- Ouchies, poor Jasper. I agree with Jen about not doing anything drastic, but I can see how you'd be wary if it kept happening over and over. Hopefully this will be an isolated case and clear up and go away! Also, the ceremony that you and jerome did sounded really awesome. I could picture it the way you described it. Amazing, really.

Evelyn is almost 3 months old now and I can't really believe it. It's so strange to think that she'll be crawling in another 3 months or so. I can't picture her growing up and actually moving around. She's so sweet and so "talkative" it's amazing. She'll chatter on and on and make the most interesting noises. I don't remember Thor and Anna doing this. She's getting less crabby, too, which is soooo nice.

So far I am enjoying the mother challenge of having 3 kids, but it is definitely a challenge. I think the hardest thing is that Tony and I get so little time together. It's a strain on a relationship, definitely. We are stuck together like glue, so there's no worries, but it is hard. Part of it too is just that our kids are close together in age, so they are still fairly needy, and that I'm sure makes it harder. Also, Tony commutes a long way and is gone at 5am and home about 5pm, so he's really exhausted.... never a good thing when you're trying to parent little kids.

But lately I've been good at maintaining a huge amount of patience and I think I've become more skilled as a mother. I feel like I know what to say to my kids when there are disagreements, or when they are having a hard time. I feel like I've hit a stride, so to speak, where I can multitask like a pro and I can go with the flow when things get hard (like when all three woke up from a nap today at the same time, and all were crying!). Maybe also my kids are all at cute, fairly easy stages... that's probably more likely!!

ETA: Jen, the Germany op sounds awesome. Go, go!

[midwestmeg]

Thanks everyone. Becca, you are so right about the 'now is never a perfect time...' That's the truth!!

I think when the last one is two (which will probably be this one, unless I decide I can handle being pg again right away.... ugh...) I will enroll in the accelerated RN program, I think it would take me two years and then after that Greg would be able to back off work and we could all 'share' parenting. A lot of the nurses in our area work 3 12 hour shifts- that would be awesome.

I have opened my thinking to realize that Greg, my mom and my MIL are every bit the caregiver I am, and that between all of us we can make it work. I guess in my head, I always wanted to be the busy, happy SAHM (and we have SO much to do around her on a regular basis), but the reality is if you give me an open schedule I'll just stay in my pj's for two days. So, I'm focusing on living in the moment and just 'being' and then looking forward to the challenges ahead.

Although Greg was home all day today with the kids and when I asked him 'so, could you do this on a regular basis?!' and he said 'this is a little harder than it looks!' Yep, reality check!!

Jen- you and go and it will be okay. My experience is that everyone will rise to the challenge if you let them. I don't like being away from my kids.... but half of my issue is that I also feel I am *the best* with my kids and um, even if Greg dresses them funny and mom over-indulges them, they are loved and they all figure out how to make it work.

So lots of you are attending UU ?! I have always liked the UU standpoint- that focus on justice and acceptance is but Greg (also the catholic) calls it 'hippie church' too! We don't do a lot with any church, but Greg is a born and raised Catholic.

Ashley, you sound so GOOD!! Wow, it's great when you've hit your stride. Good for you mama.

This is a special group. It's been a real outlet for me as a mom, to have another group of moms that I can really talk to, but that I don't (well, probably won't) see at the grocery store. Writing it down and becoming connected with other women who I would never meet otherwise has been so wonderful. I express my feelings and get feedback, without judgement and always with support. Through the new babies and big kids, it has been so great to have this group. :

[midwestmeg]

I'm back. I don't know if I can handle a MDC DDC this time around.... these are the threads:
1. how many appointments do you have this month?
2. what foods are you avoiding?
3. ultrasound threads
4. exercise threads
5. 'I'm so nervous' threads

okay- all of these topics are valid, except, dude, the most anyone is pg at this point is 6 weeks! I didn't even KNOW you could start ultrasounding this soon, but it seems many of the moms are already on their second visit this month/next month to see someone! Crazy. I *thought* parents here were more on the 'natural' end of things?! Then the food threads- avoid eggs, cheese, processed meat, even homeopathic remedies that might have alcohol in them... sheesh!

I guess I'm just surprised at how over the top cautious so many of these women are. MDC has really grown to a big world to have these sort of topics be the norm, I think? Some women have pre-exisiting conditions and I'm not ANTI dr/us but I was really surprised by the amount of routine or 'we want to know the sex' answers. I was equally surprised by the food freak outs. It doesn't take much research to find that the benefits of good foods outweigh the risks... Jen, Ashley what was your experience with your last DDC? I don't know that I am going to have a lot in common with a bunch of worryworts. Pretty sure UC'ers might have been directed to other DDC's already- they may not be letting them in.

I might not be helping the situation by saying that I am TOTALLY eating sushi this pregnancy, I'm exercising my heart out, I don't do ANY us's and I won't even call my mw until March.

[jilly]

First, I have to laugh. With all the UU talk, the banner ad at the bottom of this thread is "Learn Biblical Hebrew".

Jen -- go for the schooling. It sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity. I think that anything you would later regret not trying, should always be tried. Go for it. And remember, E. will get bigger and less needy eventually.

Meg -- congrats on the new life! Hope all goes well. I found that the DDC's were super huge. There were still a lot of crunchy people around, but also a lot of more mainstream people as well. I found that when things settle down a bit and someone starts a "chat" thread, that was the one worth visiting.

I'm also one of those people who needs a job and a schedule to keep me in line. I am way more together when I am teaching than when I'm just a mom. I don't think I"m long term SAHM material -- theres just not enough immediate accountability.

Anna -- glad your parting ceremony went so well. Let the healing begin!

I really have to start weaning Aaron. I am just too lazy. Andrew was already weaned by this point -- of course I was 6 months pregnant by this point, too. But I just find that two years is my wearing out point. It just takes so much energy. Sigh.

[JenInMpls]

Meg I abandoned my DDC except for the 'kitchen table' chat thread. When the whole DDC was up to 6 pages by the end of the first week it got too big for me. Plus we were up to 200 women or something ridiculous like that. The chat thread had the feel of the Sept 04 DDC which was always so small and mellow.

And still is

I got my app for the fellowship in, had to go to my mom's house and let her play with T for a little bit (and feed and change E) so I could finish the statement in German but I felt it was a very strong application. The only thing I worry about is that I am not currently in a classroom teaching. Cross fingers for me? :

[banana girl]

Originally Posted by midwestmeg

I'm back. I don't know if I can handle a MDC DDC this time around.... these are the threads:
1. how many appointments do you have this month?
2. what foods are you avoiding?
3. ultrasound threads
4. exercise threads
5. 'I'm so nervous' threads

I hear you sister! so many threads, but so superficial.... I struggled with that myself. I seem to recall that once upon a time the Sept 04 DDC was pretty huge. I actually had a cheat sheet where I would write down user names, first names, # of children etc. It was hard to keep track of who was who... but it settled out. We found our places in the mess. I remember being frustrated with all the superfluous threads... I stuck with the weekly, yes weekly chat thread and also the homebirth thread. and I found some amazing women like blueviolet who were planning unassisted births who influenced my thinking. You could take on an experienced mama role within the DDC community, it seems like those worry worts could stand a dose of brave, strong Mama courage. Or you could just post here all the time, pregnant lurking Mamas are the best!



Jen~ my fingers are crossed for you, glad to hear you are reconnecting with your pre-mama skills and dreams. You are such an amazing woman and I'm glad you are giving the woman a chance to shine.

Jilly~ I choose to wean Jasper following the loss of Orion, it felt like it was time. He cried a bit and struck me in the face a few times, but now he's accepted it and is actually easier to put to sleep at night. I feel a bit guilty that the 2nd child got cut off so much sooner than the first, but it was my decision to make, and I made it.

gotta go, i am trying to finish some baby shoes before going to the monthly gathering at the Birth Center where my midwife practices. A dear friend of mine had a son a few days before Christmas and I want to have a gift for them. I'm also hoping that i might manage to sell a few pair, for spending cash in Georgia next week. I must post photos in my blog some time, I'm making newborn slippers/ soft shoes out of fleece... so cute!

Love to all

[Subhuti]

Hi ladies,
I too found my ddc suffocating the second time around. I think that DDC's are often just perfect for the first time pregnancies ... where it is all so new and you have so many unknowns. By the second preg ... you are all so worn out and jaded ... hell, you could practically lean back w/a martini and a smoke!

Jen.... caught your post on the german program.... I think it's great. It'll be wonderful for Jo to to have that "trial by fire" bonding. I had to leave my two with Don this fall because my mom was having surgery. It was for a week, then for two four day periods overall. Everyone did great. I think he was tired by the end, but the girls were great. The first week they barely mentioned my name!

Liz

[midwestmeg]

Originally Posted by CatskillMtnMama

By the second preg ... you are all so worn out and jaded ... hell, you could practically lean back w/a martini and a smoke!

You guys are the best.

[jilly]

Hi, ladies.

My dad died yesterday. He stopped into Emergency because he had a cold, which was pnumonia, and by the time my mom went home to call the siblings to let us know he was in the hospital, he was gone. So now I have to decide wether Aaron is coming with me to the funeral or not. I'm thinking of leaving him and Andrew with Dave and just flying in for two days. I think everyone would be okay. I'm a little worried about Aaron, but he is two, and he is well attached to Dave and Andrew, so I think he will be okay.

Okay, being harassed to read to me! Stop playing on your laptop. Come on. Just do it, mom. Now.

[Yo Becca]

Jilly - I am so sorry. I don't even know what else to say, I'm crying for you. It's so hard to lose a loved one without warning or expectation, much less a parent. And having to figure out immediate travel plans and taking care of your kids, when you also have adults that need care and attention (including yourself) - more stress in a time that is already painful. I think you and Aaron would both have a less stressful time if he stayed home, and that Dave can handle it. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[jilly]

Thanks, Becca. I have decided to leave Aaron with Dave. I'm sure he'll be ok for two days. It is frustrating getting out of here, becuase we have to drive 2 hrs into Saskatoon tonight to catch the early morning flight tomorrow -- the flights to Winnipeg are basically business flights -- 6 am and 5 pm - and then wait for 3 hrs to catch a plane to Thunder Bay. Then on the way back I leave Th. Bay at 12, have to wait until 4 to catch my plane, then catch a bus at 6:30 to arrive home at 8:40. So basically I will spend two days travelling and one and a half days there. Oh well, it will mean I"ll have lots of processing time. I just wish I could bring some hand sewing on the plane -- it would calm my nerves. But I"m not sure the 2" needle would make it past security -- I could poke someone in the eye, after all.

It is so funny becuase I'm going tonight, so I have to make sure the laundry is done, have a schedule written out, and make sure all the necessary food is in the house, and basically leave things more organized and prepared than they are when I'm around. Then when I come back I'll probably have to do all the cleaning and tidying and laundry from when I was gone.

[AugustineM]

Jilly -- So, so, so sorry about your dad. And I bet Dave can figure things out if you don't get all the house stuff done. It's understandable that you have more important things to think about, after all. I hope your travels go smoothly.


I also wasn't so into my DDC this last time. I was very surprised by how many women were on there that were so, um, mainstream when it comes to birth. So many threads about inducing, or baby being big, or repeat cesareans with no mention of vbac. But the kitchen table thread was the one I posted on the most, with Jen!

Meg, it's so awesome that you have the support of your family with the kids. I hope my mom moves over to the island. It would be so nice to have some regular family around to help watch them sometimes. She does, but it's like once a month or so. Sometime I would like to go back to work, maybe when Evelyn is 3 or so. But I can't imagine it wihtout some family support.

[Yo Becca]

I do think the primary fxn of DDCs is for those new mamas who only have mainstream influences to be pulled over by us. I was definitely more mainstream than I am now when I started here - b/c I didn't know any other mother's like me, much less ones even more "out there." In Eli's DDC, I definitely was one of those more seasoned mamas encouraging the newbies to buck the system and not listen to those interventionist pressures - I felt like a big old radical, when there are definitely times I'm the more conservative voice on a thread (not MANY times, but it has happened...don't get me started on those "self-feeding" dictators in the babies forum. Thanks to grudgingly going along with that, even though I knew it wasn't right for us, Eli is subsisting completely on pistacios and frozen blueberries these days)

[JenInMpls]

jill, typing one-handed but wanted to say so, so sorry for your loss. much love and consolation.

[jaidymama]

Jilly, our thoughts and prayers are with you. Safe travels, and lots of extra hugs.

H.

[MommyofPunkiePie]

Jilly, big hugs to you and your family.

[banana girl]

Jilly~ I am so very sorry to hear that your father is gone. It's shocking to realize how quickly we can lose someone. I'll be thinking of you and hoping you find peace in your travels and visit home. I'm so sorry.

I have arrived in Georgia. Yesterday I was so nervous about the flight that I almost threw up. Seriously, I was gagging in the car right before we got to the airport. Once I got out of the car and started doing stuff, I was fine. But I only got a few hours of sleep the night before, so today was sleepy day. Everyone left the house today, for school or work and it is blessedly quiet. I slept alone in a bed, woke when I felt like it, watched movies while snuggled in bed for awhile and then napped for 3 hours. Totally relaxing. I'm about to take a long hot bath in my sister's giant bathtub, reading a tawdry romance novel.. hee, hee!
The rest of the week is much more busy, I won't be lazy the WHOLE time.