Looks like you've got some time to decide. This is good. You'll get a chance to get to know what your LO's "older babe" personality might be like and to see how you are feeling after this initial "newborn high." My best advice is to just ride this out and see how you feel when your babe actually is 6-9 months
Originally Posted by Astraia
We're thinking of TTC shortly, like when our LO is between 6-9 months old.
I tend to advocate more on the side of not
waiting because I had a very painful experience with secondary infertility (not being able to get pregnant after having been pregnant before). Since no one knows how long it will take them to get pregnant, I feel like if you think you might want them closer together, better to start trying *before* you feel you are ready because you will have an unknown amount of time you will be ttc followed by a 9 month pregnancy.
However, this is only if you truly feel like if it did happen right away, you would be ready. Not just you actually (and this includes your body, which needs time to recover and may not even be menstruating yet) but your LO, whose life will be forever changed even just by the mere fact that you are pregnant (for example, I self-weaned from my mom when she got pregnant with my younger brother because the taste of her milk changed which made me very unhappy...I was over a year by that time but you are talking about just a 6, 7, 8, or 9 month old!).
|I've mentioned this to a few other moms the other day and was met with varying reactions of horror. I know 15-18 months can be the hardest, and that's when I'm thinking of introducing #2, but my sister and I were 15 months apart and mom says it was almost easier that way.
I think you gamble with any spacing because its really more a matter of personalities. I get along the best with my sister who is three years older than me, and pretty badly with my brother who is 18 months younger than me. We got along great, according to my mother, until I was about five. It has been downhill since that time.
Like I said, I think it is about the personalities, and you gamble no matter what. BUT...and this is a big but...when kids are spaced closer together, there are some things that almost certainly will become challenges. My two are eleven months apart. You can bet pretty heavily that:
[list][*]Your younger will not have as much time to be "the baby" as s/he would choose, and will have to grow up in some ways more quickly.[*]You will be juggling a LOT of different needs in a hard core way! Take sleep for example, which may or may not apply to you at any given time. When one of your kids keeps you up for one reason or another until midnight or 1am (the newborn being fussy or the toddler being sick or on a "sleep strike," etc.) and your newborn needs to nurse all night long but your toddler needs to be up at 6am, you will be having to figure out how to survive without the sleep *you* need.[*]Take whatever attention your little one is currently getting and divide it by some number even if not exactly in half (sometimes kids successfully share mommy). You only have so many resources. You only have so many arms, hands, minutes in the day...etc. You will, at times, be torn. There is nothing like the awful experience of figuring out which crying baby
to respond to first...and believe me that your oldest will still be something of a baby through the toddler years.[*]The logistics will be difficult. At times, both kids will want to be held at once (believe me, I've even had both in carriers strapped to my body...not something that can be sustained for long periods). Or the two will keep each other awake at night (bedtime here is nutso...just wait until one busts out laughing just as the other is drifting off after a long day...urgh!).
There is more, but I won't go on. There are a lot of wonderful things about my kids being spaced the way they are too, but its not something I am likely to jump
to do again. dfd is now almost 3, and we are just starting to talk about having another.
|For those of you with kids close together- did you do it on purpose?
Yes and no. When ds was 13 months old, we adopted him (he'd been with us since 1.5 days old as a foster child). A few months later, we started feeling like we could begin what we thought was going to be a long process of getting ready for another foster placement. All we did was start talking to the state again, though, and within a month we got called about a little girl in need of a family, possibly for the long-term. We made the choice, but we had thought it would have been many more months down the road. Before we knew it we had a 17 month old and a 6 month old. And even without the craziness of the newborn period with dfd, it was still a crazy time. Good crazy. But also *hard* and a LOT of work to keep life just sane. I'm talking just sane.
Now they are 2.75 and 3.5. Two has been a really intense age with dfd, and three was great with ds, but three and a half has also been pretty hard, so we're still experiencing some challenges. Whining is a big issue right now, and I think that having them so close in age encourages them to do it more because they clearly, clearly immitate each other. Also, ds really eggs dfd on to do stuff he knows is against the rules, so he won't get in trouble but still gets the joy of something crazy happening (her throwing plates or something while they are supposed to be setting the table). That drives me up the wall. I'm pretty confident if ds was a little older, I'd have an easier time teaching him out of this behavior.
Like I said, there are lots of pluses too. And I don't want to sound all negative because I love parenting my kids. It's just that I want you to be very realistic, and I wouldn't encourage you to rush this. I hear a lot of moms of newborns and young infants have this urge to have more right away that settles down when their babes get a little older.
ETA: Consider also if you want to have more than two and how this might impact later spacing. My dw and I originally envisioned a three year spacing between our kids. But because ds and dfd are so close in age, we've been living for a few years with a lot of intensity. Like I said, a lot of good. But intense hard work too. So now, even though dfd is almost three, it looks like she'll be closer to four before we have the next because dw just needs some more time before we have another babe in the house. I don't think it would be this way at all if ds and dfd were the originally planned three years apart.