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Kids close together? - Page 3

post #41 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by SAHDS View Post
OH! I just thought of a drawback. I miss my babies because it went so fast.

When you space them out, you get to enjoy your first as a "baby" for about 3 years, then you have another and they're a "baby" for 3 years. So, you get a whole 6 years of having a "baby". When you have them close, their baby years over lap so you only get maybe 4 baby years. I hope I'm explaining this in an understandable way that makes sense. Especially since those are my only 2 and we're not having more, it feels as though it flew by even quicker than it would have if they would have been further apart.
I totally understand and agree. The time did seem to fly by much faster than it is now with my little one.
post #42 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
I will say though that I have met A LOT of moms of multiples who conceived their MZ twins while exclusively nursing a young baby, like me. Or right after a miscarriage (like me). So just saying, you may get more than you bargained for and it sometimes can be VERY VERY hard on you in the short term.
Just an interesting fact - Di twins (dunno about mono) are DEFINITELY more likely your first few postpartum cycles or after a miscarriage - women are more likely to release multiple eggs when their body is trying to "regulate" itself again.
post #43 of 106
Thank you for posting this. I would love to start trying again and have my babies close in age. Plenty of people nurse while being pregnant and there are plenty of vitamins you can take to increase milk supply while not hurting baby. Like others have said, there are pros and cons to everything. I had two friends in high school who were 14 months apart and there extremely close. DP and his sister only got close after they both moved out and they're 4 years apart (minus 5 days), but growing up they didn't really care for each other were spaced so far that they didn't have any common friends. But then again my cousins' two boys are four years apart and they get along great, always did, so it really depends on the children and the parenting.
As far as being able to conceive again, I got my period back 6wks post baby, so for some people it is possible. Although there are plenty of moms on here who didn't get it until 20+ months!!
Good Luck in your decisions!!
post #44 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by katheek77 View Post
Just an interesting fact - Di twins (dunno about mono) are DEFINITELY more likely your first few postpartum cycles or after a miscarriage - women are more likely to release multiple eggs when their body is trying to "regulate" itself again.
Yep, totally makes sense to me. I mean, I don't want to toss out "maybe you'll have twins" as a drawback, because...well, that's rude and I get really pissed when people imply that my twins are a burden or something.

But on the other hand, I know so many other MoMs who went for close spacing and got 'bonuses', and it is really hard. It might sound fun, and after a while it is...but it is something to consider if you're just barely recovered/coping with sleep dep from round one, and more than the "perfect" plan might shove you over the edge, KWIM?

I wasn't even close to the edge, and it pushed me awfully close. Have to admit, having a pack of 3 toddlers running about the house screaming with laughter and tossing each other over babygates can be pretty fun!
post #45 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
My DD and twin DSes are 17 months apart.

I will say though that I have met A LOT of moms of multiples who conceived their MZ twins while exclusively nursing a young baby, like me. Or right after a miscarriage (like me). So just saying, you may get more than you bargained for and it sometimes can be VERY VERY hard on you in the short term.

So I would pick when *you're* prepared. Not based on what you want to happen with things beyond your control (like whether they'll be close).
This was me! Our MZ twins were born at 36 weeks, 13.5 months after our dd. It was IN.SANE. for the first year after their birth--having twins is crazy enough without having another LO only 13.5 months older--but I wouldn't change it for the world. My three bigs are the very best of friends, and it is SO fun to see them grow up together.

Our twins were almost 3yo when our next was born. #4 was 18 months when #5 was born, and #5 was 2.5yo when #6 came along.

I'd say the most difficult spacing between children (not including between our first and the twins, because that was just nutso) was the 2.5 year gap between #5 and our littlest. It could be just a personality thing, but he had the hardest transition from being the baby to being a big brother of any of our children.

I really like the 18 month age difference between #4 and #5--they're close enough to be the very best of buddies, but not so close that I felt completely overwhelmed with having two (or three! ) babies at once.
post #46 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amylcd View Post
I totally understand and agree. The time did seem to fly by much faster than it is now with my little one.
That's very true! And it is another thing-- as parents of two spaced very close-- impacting our decision to not plan for this approach in the future.
post #47 of 106
i have 4 kids, and one on the way, they are all pretty close together.
DS1 is 6 DD1 is 4 DS2 is 3 DD2 is 15 months

DS1 was planned, DD1 was a lets have anoher baby, oh lets wait, oh dear im pregnant, there is 27 months between them.

DS2 was a OMG im pregnant when the heck did that come from!!!! he was not planned, there is 12 months and 17days between DD1 and DS2. it was hard, the first 6 months were a blur, a newborn and a walking 12 month old was HARD. but i was lucky that DD1 was a easy laid back baby, she slept throught at 12 weeks, she was in her own room by 9 months, she coud entertain herself while i nursed the baby.

once DS2 hit 6months ish it got a lot easier. i decided that i wanted another one while DS2 was still young as i had done baby/toddler before i can do it again. when he was 15 months old i got pregnant with DD2. there is 22 months between them. it was a breeze. DD1 was a fairly easy baby, i carried her for 4 month almost none stop in a wrap. it was like she jsut slotted on with us all.

she is 15 months old now, and im around 8 weeks with number 5. DD2 will be 23 months old when the baby is due.

once i did the whole baby/newborn/toddler thing i felt i could do it again.

after DS2 i decieded tohave the rest close together to get teh whole nappy/broken sleep thing done, by the time the youngest is 18 i will be 46 so till young enought to go do my own thing.

there are downsides but its not oo bad. its never quiet, we eat a loaf and a half of bread a day, fruit disapears in an instant, they all grow out of their clothes at the same time, same with shoes, it wil get more expensive as they get older.
if the baby is born in teh month it due (august) i wil have 5 sequential birthdays (July. August, September, October, November, then its chritmas)

ok i completely lost what i was saying as DD2 is climbing on me!

sorry.

Kiz
post #48 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amylcd View Post
My oldest two are 15 months apart, and it was never difficult. We did not do it on purpose, but I'm glad it worked out this way.
:

Except 1&2 are 17 months older than #3. It's been a wonderful spacing for us and I'm glad it worked out that way.

The baby is almost 3 years younger than Rivka. There are some great things about that spacing too, but I love how my big three girls are best friends, go to bed together, wake up together, have similar interests, etc.
post #49 of 106
Mine are 16 months apart and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!! I was not using birth control when I conceived DD2, but I was nursing full time, no period but I knew I could get pregnant. I found out on Thanksgiving Day but didn't tell DH until Christmas Eve with an ultrasound in the card He was so happy and we loved having them close together. The benefits are endless, they are playmates, use the same toys, do the same activities, are interested in the same things. The drawbacks: SLEEP! I was up all night with the newborn, then I could not sleep when she did because I had a 16 month old dying to chase me around the house It was hard in the beginning I will be honest. But once the girls got settled in to the routine they made (I let them make their own and followed, it worked like a charm. Both were sleeping at the same time!) it got a lot easier. Now it is really easy. I don't know any different than what I have. I recommend it if you have a lot of energy and patience!
post #50 of 106
My two are 22 months apart, it wasn't planned or unplanned. We started talking about wanting another when DD1 was 10 months old. I got pregnant when she was 11 months and miscarried the day before her first birthday. I got pregnant again the next month. It has its good moments and bad moments. DD2 is a night owl, she LOVES to be awake between 10pm and 1am, DD1 is a morning person, shes up between 6-7am. There are days were I put a short movie on or give DD1 a special activity so I can take a catnap (Im in the same, child friendly room with her so shes safe and if she gets upset she knows she can wake me up without me being mad)
post #51 of 106
Mine are 18 mo apart. It was really, really hard and I don't think I coped well at all. They are very close, so luckily, I have been able to see the benefit of that. However, I really wish I would have made it easier for myself by spacing out my kids out a little bit better. I also felt a lot of guilt. Guilt for my oldest for no longer getting my undivided attn, and guilt for my youngest, b/c I was constantly having to chase after my oldest one and he didn't get as much time with me 1-1. It was a battle of trying to find a balance.

For me, we had infertility issues ttc #1, he was my Clomid baby. So, we thought it would take another 2 yrs+ to ttc for another child. Started to ttc when my oldest was still under a yr old and were VERY surprised that I got pregnant on the first try and w/o any help (and it stuck) so quickly. If I would have known it would be that easy, we would have waited. Now I am expecting baby #3, he/she will be almost exactly 4 yrs apart from my youngest. I think I will feel a lot less overwhelmed this time around. My older two are, "easier" now, b/c they are more independent, my oldest will be in K next yr and my 2nd will be in preschool, I'll have a little bit of time for just the baby and myself. I feel a lot more prepared this time to deal with baby #3, than baby #2. I look back now and think I was crazy for having two kids 18 months apart. I survived, just barely...
post #52 of 106
I don't think I could be the mother I want to be to two children close in age.

And as for both kids getting to be the baby, I disagree that they both get to be babies. One always has to wait while mama deals with the other one. There's only so much mama, and no matter how much you baby-wear or breastfeed, other interactions NEED to be one-on-one and some of that gets sacrificed when you have two very small children. I love that DS has gotten so much undivided attention. I hope number 2 will get a comparable amount as well.

DS was a very high-needs kiddo, from birth. The sleep deprivation the first year was brutal. Breastfeeding a full two years was EXTREMELY important to me. And I feel like women's bodies really do need time to recover from pregnancy and birth. The thought of having a second one gave me chills for the first 18 months of DS' life.

I would have liked to space my kiddos three years apart. Unfortunately, life had other plans. I'm not sure when I'll get to TTC, but it looks like our kids will be 4 years apart, possibly more.

Those are my reasons for not spacing children closely, YMMV.
post #53 of 106
Quote:
And as for both kids getting to be the baby, I disagree that they both get to be babies. One always has to wait while mama deals with the other one
This is simply not true. If you have not been in this situation, you have no idea how it works. It may seem like it is not possible to give each child the one-on-one time they need, but it most definitely is.
post #54 of 106
Our kids will be 20 months apart. We started TTC when DD was 10 months, got pregnant when she was 11 months, though we started talking seriously about TTC when she was 8 months - no AF at that point though, so it was more "we'll see what happens". I'm glad that they will be so close together and having a toddler has kept me nice and active this pregnancy - more tired for sure, but no time to whine about it too much. I am very lucky to have relatively easy pregnancies physically though, so that is something to consider. If we go for more, we plan to keep about the same spacing between all the subsequent kids, though we'll see once #2 gets here if we're up for it

One of the major motivations for having our kids close was to be able to be fully immersed in the 'baby stage' for a few years, then move on from it. I love newborns, nursing, CDing, cosleeping and all of the baby stuff, but I will also be very glad to have older kids and all the fun that brings. Both DH and I did not want to have a few years off from the baby stuff, only to get right back into it.

I have 3 sisters - the oldest and I are 19 months apart, me and #3 are 22 months apart, and me and #4 are almost 5 years apart. I am the closest with #3, but I really feel like that is more of a birth order/personality thing than the actual spacing. Overall, all 4 of us are very close and I DO think that has to do with how close everyone is in age. It is also nice, now that we are having kids, that all of the cousins are close in age - my youngest sister and our new baby will only be 4 months apart, DD has a cousin only a year older than her.

Good luck with whatevery you decide!
post #55 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marylizah View Post
And as for both kids getting to be the baby, I disagree that they both get to be babies. One always has to wait while mama deals with the other one. There's only so much mama, and no matter how much you baby-wear or breastfeed, other interactions NEED to be one-on-one and some of that gets sacrificed when you have two very small children.
Since you don't have two kids, I am not sure how you can make that judgement. Both my kids were essentially babies at the same time (my hat's off to twin moms for sure!). And, I disagree that every interaction NEEDS to be one on one. My children absolutely benefit from being together with me as much as they benefit from one on one time with me. They play together and comfort each other. And, my older one bonded deeply with his father when his sister was a newborn as daddy took over more of his responsibilities. I am sure some would see that as a bad thing, but I think it is a great thing!

Some of my favorite memories as a child were with BOTH my sister and my mother. Whether it was snuggling in bed or riding horses, it included both of them. I never felt slighted by my sister (we were 18 mos apart) nor she me.

Different mothers are suited for different things. Just because I couldn't successfully mother 5 kids doesn't mean other women can't. And I would never presume otherwise.
post #56 of 106
Quote:
To those who waited longer between kids- I guess same questions? For comparison purposes.
I dont have a second child yet, but we are TTC and I guess the gap is going to be what is considered 'big' to most people - 4+ years.

This was planned though - for many reasons.

The first off the top of my head for not having a small age gap - and I wouldn't recommend a small age gap (that are not really 'personal' reasons - just common sense):

1). Body. Your body needs time to heal. Pregnancy and birth is a big thing for it and it needs time to recover. Generally, they say to give your body at least 14 months to recover if you had a smooth easy pregnancy and childbirth - more if otherwise.

2). Breastfeeding/breastmilk. Only something like 30% of woman are able to keep their breastmilk during pregnancy. Its personally not something worth risking with a baby so young. I personally would like to let my child self wean before I risk my milk drying up - But many people are happy with allowing their child to have at least 2 years of breastmilk before they take their chances. You might want to think about how you feel about breastfeeding - and remember, there is more to breastmilk than just nutrion... A lot of other reasons I would not want to mess with that. Not to mention, that even if you did keep your milk - its pretty painful during pregnancy with such super sensitive nipples, and whilst you might like the idea of tandem feeding and some mothers can/do do it...its not always as straight forward as you might think!

The rest of my reasons are personal and because they are personal, they are going to vary from family to family because every mother is different, and so is every child - hence difference age gaps will be 'best' for different families meaning there is no 'one' answer. But my main personal reason to have a larger age gap is because I felt that the bond/attachment/connection between my son and I needed to be stable/settled/etc before I introduced another memeber of the family. I simply could not be the mother I want to be, and feel that I should be with a small age gap. I not only had to think of my wants, desires, capablities as a mother/woman - but as DS was also a part of our family I felt it was pretty important that I thought of him too - his wants, desires and capabilties - and for us, that meant him having a good few years with just me before introducing a sibling. Now he is old enough for this sort of change in his life and all the little differences in him now will really help when that change happens. (such as the fact that he can talk, walk, take himself to the toilet, basic understandings, understands cause and effect, emotions/feeling communication, etc)

No matter what gap you choose - what you can not gurantee either way is wether or not your children will be 'close'. Their bond has not much to do with age gap - but how the parents handle the growing sibling relationship. Of course, age gap can affect how the parents handle it all! (which is part of my personal reason for choosing the large age gap - I like my sleep and know for certain I would not be able to cope with two who woke frequently in the night! lol)
post #57 of 106
Mine are 8, 7, 5, 3 and almost 2. Two oldest are 12.5 months apart.

I find my kids very in tune with each other and they are very, very close emotionally with each other. Yeah, it's difficult when they are all in their 2's and 3's and doing the "testing" of their environment and the people in that environment but it's worth it to see them grow up together so close like that. I like seeing the emotional bonds they have with each other, how they support each other and play together so well.

Mind you it's not all rainbows and roses all the time. They do have their moments where they fight like cat and dog and get on each others nerves but that's normal too. I say follow your heart and do what you feel is best for you because not every situation works for every person. To each their own is my motto.

Congrats on the little baby girl!
post #58 of 106
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amylcd View Post
This is simply not true. If you have not been in this situation, you have no idea how it works. It may seem like it is not possible to give each child the one-on-one time they need, but it most definitely is.
I think that this would have to factor in both the mothers personality (I know my sister, for example, would feel horrible guilt and would barely be able to cope. I might be OK with it, however) and the personalities of your children. If your children are high needs, for example, then it would be a lot harder to give them the attention that they need.

Im still catching up- so many fabulous posts from everyone, thank you all so much!
post #59 of 106
Thread Starter 
I think at this point, if i was to follow my heart (or in this case, my gut) I think the main reasons I'm thinking about having kids so close together is fear. I'm thinking about doing Midwife training starting in the fall, but I know that if I'm pregnant I wouldn't do it. I LOVE the idea of being a midwife, and I'm excited about the prospect, but I'm so scared of failing that I almost don't want to start, just in case.

My husband and I have talked it over, and he is willing to support me 100% through my schooling, and enjoys the idea of being a SAHD while I work so that I don't have the heart-wrenching decision of day care/ public schooling, etc, to contend with as well.

We're still talking it over, but I'm not sure I'm willing to sacrifice my health, my breastfeeding relationship, or my time with my little one (2 children under the age of 2 with a dog while my husband works overnights- leaving me alone all day while he sleeps and all night while he's gone- isn't a smart decision, I don't think. I would be so horribly drained).

If I knew in my heart of hearts that this was the right thing to do, given where we are now, and felt strongly enough about getting the baby years over quickly and having them play together well, etc, then I would do it in a second. But my gut feeling says "no," and if I were to look back and say, "I did this because I was scared to go to school?!?!" I just wonder what regrets I might come up with instead.

Thank you all for your help, information, and support. I am overwhelmed by the response! (not actually, but I am surprised that so many have taken time out of their busy days to answer my questions).
post #60 of 106
My two are 14 months apart. DD was 5 months old when I got pregnant again. Both pregnancies were completet and utter surprises.

I had some guilt with DD because my milk dried up when she was about 7 months old. We had to use forumla. But as soon as we were all gathered again, she tandem nursed like a pro.

Some of my most amazing memories of the two of them have them nursing to sleep holding hands. That does mean that my boobs can now be tucked under my arms at this point but, oh well.

My kids are incredibly close. And they've always played with each others' toys so DD has a lot of MLPs and DD has a collection of Disney Cars. They share a passion for bugs, dinosaurs, and books.

DS turned out to be a child who just needs more care. DD turned out to be an amazing big sister. They do fight. They fight all day long. But the spats are quick and if anyone else gets in the way - look out! Disciplining one means disciplining both. They behave like twins in some respects.

I do think that I mentally spaced out on DS' first year. There is so much I don't remember at all because I had some serious sleep deprivation going on and well, TWO babies.

I am so happy with things now though. Watching them fight for the other, defend the other, love, hug, and work together is the best part of my day. Although they do gang up on me!!

I just want to add one more baby to the mix and then I'll be perfectly content. I cna't wait to see both of my kids be big siblings to a baby together. I so hope it happens.
That would be a much bigger gap though.
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