|Also, the part of your statement that I bolded: you should probably not plan on any more kids, regardless of how far they are spaced because you will HAVE to "sacrifice" one's need for the other's at some point. SO is life, and it's not necessarily a bad thing.
Hmmm... I am going to reply to this because I think I know where she is coming from in this respect. It is one (of the personal) reason why we have decided on having a larger age gap than most - and it is something that I have spent a lot of time thinking about and feel very strongly about for my
family. But I am going to add a disclaimer here because I do not want this to come out the wrong way and if you read this and are offended or think I think you are a horrible parent or something because you have a small age gap - then please do forgive me because I do not mean it that way. I do not really care if you have a 7 month age gap (the world record so far! lol) or a 17 year age gap! lol I know each family and each child are different - each to their own and all of that.
For me - and we try our best to live consensually/TCC, so its not that I am child centred because I am far from that (if you know anything about consensual/TCC philosophy you will get the general idea) - the first few years of a childs life are so important, espeically that 'one on one' time with mummy and daddy and other close family and friends. But I think there is a big difference in the 'sacrafice' you have to/might make with a baby vs. and older child. For example, you are right...someone at some point in time is just going to have to wait a second
becuase there is only one of you and two or more children - thats common sense...logistics, etc. But...What is more 'damaging' (though damaging isnt really the right word it will be close enough for now! lol)...a baby
crying having to wait whilst you deal with another
baby? Or an older child (this will vary from child to child of course because children develop differently in this respect - some at 3 and maybe some not until 5+!) who knows a bit about patience and others needs and whom you can communicate with (and problem sovle together via the spoken communication you use in your family) waiting whilst you deal with a baby crying?
The world is a big bad tough place...thats life right? I do not feel I need to rough and tough my son up though to show him that (he will learn that in his own time and he has/is - Already he knows, though disapointed, that I can just not defy the laws of physics to make him happy though I wish I could! lol). And in the same respect, I am not sure how I would feel - or what that could do to my son having to stretch to meet the tough hard cold facts of life before he
was ready when I
decided to change his life by bringing another baby into it.
When DS was only 3 months old, I was broody like no tomorrow. Wanting but waiting this long has been hard - but I knew it was the best for our family despite my own desires, sometimes I have to think of others as well. If anything, being a parent has taught me how to be selfless and patience! hehe Sure, I could have gone along with my desires but I can guess how that would make me feel now (and part of that would have been the feeling that I would have cheated my son of something he had the right to) - and how that would have affected my DS. I picture everyday situations and then throw a baby of various ages into that picture to see how it will play out. When he was younger, and experiencing deep emotions he didn't know how to handle or what to do with at the age of two...I am pretty sure it would not have been nice for either of us for me to have to tell him something he could not understand (such as the general idea of waiting and patience) whilst I had to attend to 'the baby' because babies have real important immediate needs as well (like being fed! lol). Or how a baby would have felt and/or been affected by me leaving them to attend to a small child who also have real important and immediate needs. Of course, I am not saying the same logisitcs and common sense do not play the same role with a large age gap...they do but because I have waited, I know my son is not going to be 'changed/damaged' in any way (emotional, developmentally, etc) by having to 'wait a second' whilst I meet a babies important immediate needs at the time because now at his age he understands these things.... Is any of this making sense? lol (and dont tell me I only feel this way because I only have one child who is my 100%!... I could bring up the fact that I have had two miscarriages recently and thats probably not the best thing to say to someone in my state...or the fact that I childmind/nanny/babysit babies and children of all ages with my son so do have experience of having more than one child in my care, or my parenting philosophy which has a lot to say about this in practicle terms, etc etc...one child - one hundred, I would still feel this way! lol)
Of course, I also feel that parenting the way I choose also has its benefits when considering siblings of any age gap. For example, I co sleep (this is a great bonding time for all the family!) and wear baby in a sling continously for a good part of their first year (which is fantastic for breastfeeding hands free and meeting all of babies needs hands free as well which can help if you need those hands for your other child/children). If an accident would have happened, I am sure I would have coped and so would my son - but I would never choose
a small age gap.
When I consider myself and
my son - a larger age gap seems the natural thing to do for us - which is why we have gone that route.