my 5 year old wants to nurse again (with 1 yr old ds)

[moma justice]

so
my dd self weaned at about 2.5 years old...we all got stomach flus and she just quit asking.

during that time i was pregnant

at the very end of that pregnancy she started asking every now and then to nurse, she was about 3....and it felt so uncomfortable for me...it was summer and hot and we were living in GA and i just felt like i might crawl out of my skin.
and she was pretty ok about me saying no, as it had been 6 months since she had really nursed.
i told her that when new baby came, i would have tons of milk and we could share.

well that new baby was my full term still born daughter, Rain.

and at about 6 weeks post birth (when i had finally dried my milk, which was SO traumatic to have with out the baby to drink it, i can not even describe how horrific the evidence of all that milk made me feel)

my live 3 yr old dd asked to nurse, i tried it for a few minutes and then it was just too hard for me emotionally.

i started to cry and she started to cry and i just could not emotionally handle it.

now she did not ask again....until last year i had our ds...and sometime about 6 weeks after his birth she asked to nurse....and i do make plenty of milk....so even tho i felt a little weird about it (i don't know why, i was touched out and she was so old....around 4.5 years old...)
but i let her, and she bit my nipple pretty hard.

now since then, a few times a week she asks to nurse, or DEMANDS it, or cries for it (sometimes, she really mourns it) and i have said no....with the reasoning to her that baby brother needs the milk b/c he is little and can not eat much food and she can not take his milk b/c she is big and can eat.

but i totally have enough milk.

i don't know

i used to LOVE toddler nursing her b/c it totally brought her back down from tantrums and other "bad" behaviors.

and ever since our still birth she has had awful tantrums and violent behaviors....(yes we go to a family counselor and monitor her diet and sleep and media)

so what i am asking is do you think i should let her nurse?

and if so, help me get over my fears of this being sexually or emotionally inappropriate....
her behavior has been so extreme during this first year of her brother's life...i am willing to try anything.

thanks so much!

[columbusmomma]

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say there is a similar article in the new issue of Mothering. Have you read it? This does sound like a difficult situation, not knowing if you want to start nursing again or not.... I'm sure someone can offer some helpful thoughts, someone's whose BTDT.

[alegna]

I think it's really your call at this point. BUT, I can speak to the idea of it being inappropriate- my dd is nearly 4.5yrs old and still nurses several times a day. It's as appropriate as it ever was. She clearly still needs it.

-Angela

[AlpineMama]

nak so sorry if I'm short - is there any other way you can provide her with one on one intimacy without actually nursing? I imagine you have had an incredibly tough couple of years and no doubt your dd is picking up on that stress and is trying to get close to you. I think at her age *if you don't want to nurse her* you can find an alternative that will work for both of you.

[SereneBabe]

I think the "too old" thing would get washed away *if* you felt letting her nurse was the right thing for both of you. My daughter has only (since she finished nursing) now started to accept other kinds of snuggling as Real Closeness. If your child senses your ambivalence, they may want to nurse even more (at least that was my experience, as soon as I wasn't sure, she'd REALLY want to, like she needed the reassurance that I wasn't leaving her or something?).

And we are a child-led weaning group, here. Your child weaned on her own. You followed her lead, it sounds like. And as much as I believe that children should nurse as long as they need to (my daughter finished Dec 20 and will be 5.5 y.o. tomorrow), at the older ages our Mama needs really need to play equal roles in the relationship.

[moma justice]

thank you!!!!
i did let her nurse this morning when my ds wanted to in bed and she asked too and they LOVED it...so i did too....i do not see myself letting her often, and i am hoping that she doesn't ask as much...but it really helped all of us connect...
so maybe my dread of it was worse than the actual reality of a 5 yr old on my boob!

and i also just needed to hear that a 5yr old on the boob was not (by nature) a "bad" or dangerous thing.

[hedgehogs4]

nak

mamajustice

Sometimes to delay a nursing request i let ds nurse my elbow or nose or something else silly - i'm still offering my body and my attention but avoiding the nursing if i'm touched out or don't feel up to tandeming right then or whatever.

[neostudded]

Nope, there is NOTHING wrong with breastfeeding a child that is in the breastfed age (birth to seven). I also want to say I was breastfed for five years of my life, and I have only good memories (bar abrupt mother led weaning).

[KateRenae]

My daughter at age 4 asked to BF again and we decided to try it. She remembered pretty quickly and we are still BFing and things are going great. I say go for it.

[uzra_hashmi@rediff]

A few months ago my DS self weaned while a few months shy of 6 years. I thought he had full term breastfeeding. I tried to put myself in the situation of 'moma justice' and thought that I would have allowed DS to resume if he had asked for it.
Uzra

[Lupena]

Well, honestly, I think it's perfectly beautiful that you followed your heart.