my baby brother

[USAmma]

Hi Mommies,

Well here's something that's going on in my life right now (see link below). My brother Adam is the little boy in the article. This was totally unexpected. I didn't think it would ever be solved and it's taken a long time to work through the anger and find my center again. And then when I did a detective called and said the case is reopening. I'm glad because hopefully the man will be put behind bars and not hurt anyone else. But it stirs up a lot of old ghosts and memories.

My relationship with my mother ended when Adam died and I was taken away from her. She was one of the suspects for a long time. She plead the 5th with the courts and her family so I still haven't heard her side of the story. We tried to get back together several times but she's not a good person all the time and she hurts me. It runs a lot deeper than Adam's death. We haven't spoken in years but she's started to email me lately. I'm not ready to contact her. I get hurt every time I try to mend things between us.

I'm still holding my center amazingly. Just wanting mostly prayers and words of support. I'm keeping my distance from all of this until there's a verdict. Just focusing on what's for dinner and hanging diapers.

http://www.arizonarepublic.com/sunci...der0327Z1.html

Darshani

[Sierra]

Wow. That would be a lot to hold in your heart. I can't imagine. I wish closure for you. In healing, S

[lisamarie]

I am so sorry to the loss of your brother ~ please know that we are here for you and sending prayers of healing, energy and strength during this trying time. Please keep us posted.

Hugs~

Lisa

[Ms. Mom]

Darshani, Do you have a good support system? I feel so sorry for you and what your going through.

Have you known all along it might not be as it had originally seemed? I do hope your reaching out to thoes around you. Please continue reaching out to the Mothering Community for strength and support.

I'm sending Gentle, healing prayers.

[USAmma]

Yes, we always knew that someone murdered Adam. We thought that it was the boyfriend but that my mom had some part in it, even just failing to protect him. The funny thing is that she never cried out for justice after it was determined that he had been murdered. If it was my kid I would be for sure. That's what makes me think my mom might know more than she'll ever tell. Instead of crying out for justice she plead the 5th with everyone, even after the charges were dropped the first time around. The statute of limitations has expired for failing to protect, but not for murder. Which is why the man is now awaiting trial. Thank goodness for that at least. I don't know if I'll ever know the truth about what my mom knows. She will never talk about that subject.

Darshani

[Ms. Mom]

Darshani, it must be so hard for you to feel trust right now. My heart is just breaking for you and Adam.

It's been a rough road you've had to travel and now this new path is opening up so many emotions.

Not knowing solid answers is going to be so difficult on you. I hope you find peace as the trial proceeds. It's going to be a very rough road.

[USAmma]

Jacque , thanks so much for listening. I noticed your spirit child was born on Abi's due date (years before of course). I'll think of him/her and you on that day from now on. They never leave you do they? I had a little soul that stayed with me for such a very short time before we had Abi and I'll never forget him/her.

Darshani

[Ruth]

USAmma,

I hear these kinds of heart-breaking stories too often because I am a foster parent. I am so sorry about what happened to you and your little brother (and what is happening to you).

I think keeping a distance until you are ready (IF you are ever ready) is a good idea. Best wishes and peace to you.

[Threefold]

Oh Darshani, what a lot to carry in your heart. I am so glad you feel able to stay centered through all of this, but I hope you have good support as well. This must feel as though it is opening up old wounds. Sending you support and good feelings.