Patience...I need more =C

[SeaDoula]

My dd is going to be 1 year old in a few days and just recently I have been loosing my temper a lot. She has been more needy, and I have been trying to get more done (ie. taking 1 online course, trying to build up my business, and cleaning up for an apartment inspection)

I thought becoming a parent would help me become more patient and understanding...but in the moment I just get so overwhelmed and angry and just explode. I almost feel like I might screw her up because I blow up and then realize I shouldn't have reacted so badly, and then give her love...(It makes me think of domestic violence abusers or something)

I never hurt her or anything EVER and NEVER would, but today she was crying and signing milk, so I picked her up, we sat down for milk, and then she just got sat back up. So I put her back down and tried to finish what I was doing...and this went on for a while. I tried playing with her, then getting what I needed done, etc... But she wasn't happy unless I stayed on the floor with her. She was crying on and off for about an hour doing this and I yelled at her to "just stop" which then made her even more sad and I just wanted to cry myself.

I just don't know what to do... I love my dd, and I know that loosing my cool is NOT ok, but I just don't know how to not react in the moment. Sometimes I resent her and that is upsetting too. I am a single mother, and I do have some help day to day.

I would appreciate non-judgemental responses...ideas on how to better deal with feeling overwhelmed & frustrated...I don't want my dd to absorb this negativity or feel unloved

[nichole]

Well you will be more patient in time. I personally have impatient moments that I'm not fond of. Then I learn from them and become more patient.

One problem I've had my whole life is overextending myself. I've learned to only take on one project at a time. You cant drop your class, so maybe you can take a break from building up your business or hire some help with the cleaning. Good luck!

[AliceGeorge]

I think it might be a tough age. My little guy's just a bit younger than your lo, and I find myself getting very frustrated too. I'm doing doing as much extra as you, but it's still hard just to get household stuff done. Could you try getting stuff done with her in a carrier? I don't know how you feel about carriers, but I like them lots and so does my little guy. He seems to find it calming to be in there, and interested in watching what I'm doing. I've been reading an AP book lately and they say that babies learn more at adult eye level, so there's that added benefit. Maybe you could have her in the carrier while you take a break.
I often find myself stopping to take a few breaths. The other day my little guy was really fussy and I just got so frustrated and told him to shut up. I felt so bad after. I plan on never doing that again, but I know what you mean: it feels abusive!
You could try a carrier that would allow you to nurse her WHILE you're working...?
If the weather's nice, maybe you could go for a walk with her in the carrier.
I think they go through a lot developmentally at this age, and maybe she's teething too. Lots for them to go through and it makes them want us more so we can make everything better.
Lots of luck, and don't be too hard on yourself. If you can, try to get a bit of time away just for yourself so that you're happier to see her later when she needs you.

Alice

[ann_of_loxley]

Raising our children Raising ourselves is a great book that helps me address my own issue when it comes to parenting. Highly recommended!

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/pa...id=VIDURVHOV05

[AutumnAir]

I'm dealing with similar issues too. I know how awful you feel when you lose your temper, but you have to cut yourself some slack too. Yes, if you were perfect you'd never get angry or shout or do anything else you 'know' you shouldn't, but nobody's perfect. I think that it can actually be helpful for children to watch their parents handle anger - so you struggle to control it, usually you do, occasionally you have an outburst but then you immediately apologise and try to make up for it. Isn't that how you would want your kid to handle anger and temper themselves? So you're actually modelling normal behaviour for your DD.

[Julia'sMom]

I too experience that. However, I do find that if I take a good 10-20 minutes to focus solely on dd and play, then it is easier for her to let me do something else. I also try and involve her what I'm doing. DD loves to "clean" with a baby wipe and spray bottle along with me.