The Nanny Diaries

[Harper]

I just saw this book on someone's list of favorite books and I was wondering if others read this and liked it. Am I the only one who thought it was really sad? I know it is just fiction but I had trouble getting through it because I thought it was so depressing. When the nanny got fired at the end, I cried. I felt so sorry for the little boy. A close friend (who has a five year old) told me she thought is was really funny. I am wondering if I am just too sensitive or if others thought it was awful!

[stayinghome]

Funny? No i wouldn't call it funny, but i did love it. It was sad- sad for the kids, and sad for the nanny. And I felt disgust at the parents. But definatly, a really really good read imo.

[AdinaL]

I didn't find it funny at all. Shocking and sad, but not funny. I can see where someone might find the humor in it, but I didn't. It was a good read and I enjoyed it. But given that those two gals were actually nannies and parts were taken from their work...it was kinda creepy.

I felt sad for the kids.

[TranscendentalMom]

I read it before I had a baby and thought it was funny...in a black comedy sort of way. I don't know what I'd think of it now. It was very sad at the end. I can only hope that the girls who wrote it exaggerated their experiences for the sake of drama.

[TurboClaudia]

I read this after a friend who had BEEN a nanny in southern Califormia read it and enjoyed it. I also grew up just outside of New York City, and I've met mothers like the ones described in the book.

I don't know if I would classify the book as funny, but many of the situations described were funny in an ironic way. Overall, I thought the book had a sad ending, and although I know the little boy was probably a composite of many children the two authors nannied, I wanted to be reassured that he does grow up loved and cared for and doesn't need therapy for the rest of his life. *sigh*

But then what what New Yorkers do with their free Thursday nights?

The book was an easy read, and so many of the situations described with the nanny were very poignant and tender. It's too bad the authors (and many nannies) are so young that they don't know how to stand up in a loving, caring way and explain that parents' choices are not in the best interests of a particular child. I'm not a parent yet, but I know that if a friend of mine approached me in a caring manner about a choice I made for my child that maybe wasn't the best choice, I would appreciate their concern. If I still chose to disagree with them and stand firm in my choice, I would hope that they would feel comfortable enough in our friendship to agree to disagree.

warmly,
claudia

[LiamnEmma]

I agree with Claudia...it made me very sad for the little boy. I read this book for my book club and one of the women had a really good point about his mom. She was a mistress, and she was destined to live her life as "The Mistress." And she was true to form throughout. I'm not as good at articulating that piece because I'm very western U.S., but this woman is from the eastern U.S., and I gather it's a different experience. Anyway, it did make me evaluate my own parenting...I work, but if I'm not at work, my kids are with me (or dh), but we did have a "nanny" at one point, and I can see how she would have identified with this book. Not that I'm at all like that mom--I am sickeningly in love with my children--but every person's perspective is his/her own, and who knows what our nanny thought...(we were never once late though in the year that we employed her :LOL) I just felt sad for Grayer. Very sad for his life, and again, I agree with Claudia that even as an amalgam, I wanted to know that he is okay.

I wouldn't necessarily recommend the book to someone. It just caused me too much pain. I did like the coke-sniffin' mom though.

Leah

[Graceoc]

I actually listened to the audio book (Julie Roberts reads it) I did see the irionic, black humor side of it, but was literly sick at the end with saddness for the child.....

[Hannah's Mom]

I cried at the end of that book (and during several other parts). There were definitely parts I laughed about, too. Overall, though, it broke my heart.

[TranscendentalMom]

Anyone know if they are still making Nanny Diaries into a movie? I'd heard the rights were sold when it came out but I haven't heard anything since.

[gossamer]

I just mread it recently and although it was an easy read, it left me with a heavy heart. I have been a nanny and I have had those kind of situations happen to me personally. I read the reviews and everybody said how funny it was, I did not find it funny at all.
Gossamer

[Moss's Mommy]

I met a bunch of nannies at a playgroup one time and they had all read this book. They really identified with the nanny and explained to me the craziness that goes on with being a nanny. There are lots of feelings involved. The mother needs the nanny, yet is very jealouse of the nanny/child relationship, which is kind of understandable. This one family would say "You are dismissed" to the girl when it was time for her to leave. These nannies were all so close to the kids and at any moment, that can all be snatched away..

[LiamnEmma]

I met a bunch of nannies at a playgroup one time and they had all read this book. They really identified with the nanny and explained to me the craziness that goes on with being a nanny. There are lots of feelings involved. The mother needs the nanny, yet is very jealouse of the nanny/child relationship, which is kind of understandable. This one family would say "You are dismissed" to the girl when it was time for her to leave. These nannies were all so close to the kids and at any moment, that can all be snatched away..

I've given this a lot of thought (prior to your post, but this articulated it well) because as I said, we had a nanny. I'm not sure I ever felt jealous of her relationship with them, but I know I held her to a higher standard of care than I hold myself or dh to...it's always this funky little balancing act, and I always felt a little unnerved. I'm sure she did too...hmmmm....I'm realizing that initially I was jealous. I remember thinking, "I'm paying somebody else to live my life!" It's an interesting read from that perspective, the perspective of how much we all do this kind of stuff like Grayer's mom, without having the nanny--I mean t.v., or some other activity that keeps the kids busy and frees us up to, say, post here. Or to be honest with ourselves and ask ourselves if we'd be likely to take advantage too if we had the financial means...

[Harper]

Thanks for all the replies. I had read all the reviews that said it was so funny and I just didn't get it.

I also have a nanny--an au pair actually. I understand how some parents could be jealous of the relationship between nanny and child but I feel so wonderful when I see how close my dd and her au pair are. (How worried I am about when her year is up is another post altogether!) I know how much they care about each other and I love that they get to spend so much time together. Somehow it has never seems to encrouch on the mother/daughter relationship I have with her. But from the moment I walk in the door, my focus is on dd and the au pair is off of work. This doesn't mean that they still don't interact but I don't feel like I am competing with her. Dd is only ten months old and I guess this could change as she gets older and isn't still breastfeeding...

The balancing act I am aware of that wasn't present in the book at all is the "tyranny of the nanny." When my au pair first started I was so afraid to tell her to do anything because I was afraid if I pissed her off, she would be mean to my dd. (This did not appear to bother Grayer's mother at all!) I have found it is really important to pick your battles. For example, I will pick up au pair's soda cans when I get home from work but I stick to my no TV rule. It is a very interesting relationship but my au pair is very sweet and agreeable.

[Proudmom]

I just finished the book, and I didn't find it funny. Perhaps some vignettes were comical in a ridiculous way. It was hard for me to imagine such distant parents and the ostentatious lifestyle. I also thought the end was very tragic. I told my husband about the book and the sadness I felt for Grayer in his dealings with his father and at the end. He couldn't believe the parents in the novel.

[sadie_sabot]

Originally posted by Harper
The balancing act I am aware of that wasn't present in the book at all is the "tyranny of the nanny." When my au pair first started I was so afraid to tell her to do anything because I was afraid if I pissed her off, she would be mean to my dd.

oh, I totally know what you mean! I got to the point where I was so unhappy with our nanny, but I was afraid to talk to her about the things that bothered me! Plus, I absolutely HATE being somebody's boss, which is what I am when someone makes their living by caring for my child. Ugh.

I loved the book, but it was so darn sad. I was sad for the kid and sad that adults like that are in powerful positions in our world; they don't deserve to be.

[sarahsmommy]

o my gosh, I just finished this book last night. I just cried and cried at the end. I had to hurry up and start a new one so I would quit thinking about poor Grayer.

I hate Mr. and Mrs. X!!



I wish they would write a part 2 where the new nanny tell off the X's and gets Grayer adopted by a real family.

[Momtwice]

I just read the Nanny Diaries.

Very depressing!

I have a friend who had a similar experience, feeling like her employer really wanted a slave there 7 days a week, not a nanny. Feeling the mother was not very bonded/connected/warm to the child, feeling critical of the parenting of the mother.

But said friend also nannnied for generous, loving families who treated her well and she loved them all dearly (adults too.)

Spoilers

Warning :: Spoiler Ahead! Highlight to read message!

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When the mom has a baby on purpose at the book's end to hold onto her cheating husband (who will do anyone, anytime) I suddenly wondered if that's all Grayer ever was...an oops pregnancy on purpose to get Mr.X away from his PREVIOUS wife. And when Mrs. X snarls at the nanny for wanting to smooth the boy's hair one last time as he sleeps, I wonder if Mrs. X feels that Nanny is a threat who might steal the husband.

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I wonder, does anyone think this expose had any change in the behavior of the type of moms depicted in the book?

[Plady]

I know I'm dredging this up from the depths of time but I just finished the book last night and I thought it was so sad. My DH asked me what it was like and I compared it to The Kite Runner. It's obviously quite different but it had the same emotional impact on me and you could almost see the boy in The Kite Runner as Grayer grown up a bit.

Anyway, I was expecting mrs. X to

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find the panties and blame it on Nanny, especially after Nanny was with Grayer when he was sick and they were alone there

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. I was wrong but it was still just so tragic for Grayer.

[zinemama]

Um, wasn't this book a satire??

That's what made it funny for me. I did not for one second think anything but that the authors were exaggerating and poking fun at and stereotyping in the extreme the sorts of people and situations portrayed.

[Plady]

Well, it was definitely marketed that way and there were certainly passages that had that tone, but I don't think it was really far enough over the top to be truly humorous. I kind of got the satirical bits in a "it's so bad you have to laugh or else you'll never stop crying" kind of way. By the end of the book I couldn't make light of the situations anymore.