Hey everyone! I really have to go to bed in a minute
, but I had to pop in and say that I think I belong in here!
I have been so
confused lately! A bit of history: I was sort of raised Catholic - that's what my mom's side of the family is, anyway. But then I started going to my childhood best friend's Baptist Church when I was 9 or 10, and I liked that cuz it was a lot more fun. But, I never got saved - just didn't see a need to, I guess? IDK - fast forward to my 20's, when I met my now husband....we spent many years working in the bar/club scene, and didn't care about much of anything else except making money and partying. (during this time is when I read Conversations with God, which I highly recommend) Then, as I was nearing 30, we got pregnant for the first time, resulting in our now 2 yo ds -- since then we've married, moved to a new state.....and then something happened last year which has forever changed our lives. My step-son, my husband's first child(18 yrs old), was killed in a tragic car accident.
Devastating, to say the least. The only thing that has been helping my husband cope is going to church - I think he felt that it was what his son would have wanted, as his son was very active at his Baptist Church in Florida. So, we started attending my in-laws Christian Church, which is right near us. Just a few months ago, my husband got saved - it has all done him a world of good, for the most part. I went along with it in the beginning because I felt that I needed to be there to support him - going to church was his way of grieving in a way, and of course I needed to be there for him.
But, now I feel like a big FAKE. I don't believe what most other Christians believe, and I refuse to get saved -- because I believe with all my heart that God and Jesus love us all unconditionally - we are ALL God's children, whether we are saved, queer, murderers, whatever. We are all here for a purpose and we all have consequences to experience due to the choices we make, either in this life or the next(i also believe in reincarnation). I just don't buy into the whole "You must be saved to get into heaven" thing. I do believe that Jesus was here on earth, but I believe that he came here to show us "Christ-consciousness" - to show us what we can all potentially do. So I think trying to be Christ-like is a good thing - not really sure where I stand on the Bible though. I think a lot of it is metaphorical, though I just can't figure out why there are quite a few passages that seem to advocate spanking of children - it makes me angry that so many people take these passages literally, but at the same time, I can't really figure out what they are supposed to mean if not to advocate spanking. Obviously there is a lot more to it than just those passages - but I just can't take it as the absolute "Word of God" when a lot of it was written by man(who is generally driven by ego), and translated who knows how many times. So I've been feeling very disheartened, and really like I don't belong in the Christian Church, even though I do believe in Jesus.
But now of course, my husband is very excited about his new faith, so we wil certainly have a conflict of interests if I tell him I want to check out another religion entirely! Oh that will not go over well - UU sounds interesting, though I don't know if I could take Christ totally out of the equation. I would LOVE to attend a church that has the option of a meditation time and that recognizes the Earth as holy, and that discusses the Earth's present state of emergency and ways we can honor her.
Anyway, sorry for the long post and autobiography.
I've been thinking a lot about this lately and have been feeling a little lost. Thanks for starting this thread!
:lets dig in
:
Here is my intro from page 3 if anyone missed it:
