How often do you get a break? - Page 3

[nichole]

Originally Posted by One_Girl

Trying to hold your feelings in because some people never take a break and say they are happy about it is probably going to make you feel more tense and worse about yourself because you feel like you aren't measuring up to other mothers.

No no no, it is not that i'm trying to "measure up." I just want to know what a realistic goal is. My dh is very picky about who watches our kids. Also he works very long hours, but I'm promised a real break this weekend.

Also we are going to the gym tonight. I forgot about that

[puddleduck]

I get a few breaks to do housework - but thats not a real break is it?
My mum looks after the kids once a month so dh and i can go out for dinner - she has only done this twice so far and thinks the kids are evil terrors but i have hope.
I go shopping and for lunch with my mum once a month without the kids - but its with my mum so its a bit of a trial really - would rather be with friends.
There isn't much to do round here in the evening would love to live near a book/coffee shop.
But dh looks after the kids when he is not working so i do get enough time by myself (i'm an only child and i have to have alone time).

[Alyantavid]

I don't count work. Sure its a break from my kids, but I'd rather not be here and its not exactly relaxing.

Dh and I try to do something kidless every couple of weeks. I rarely spend much time alone except at night after the kids and dh go to bed.

[SweetPotato]

Dh and I haven't been alone since we moved away from family 9 months ago. Dd is 3 and had only stayed with my parents or dh until yesterday-- when she stayed in gym childcare for the first time ever and LOVED IT!! Who would have thought that 30 minutes on an elliptical watching Every Loves Raymond and then a shower would be so refreshing And she was so excited to have new things to share with us during dinner- she's really psyched about it! And another really great thing is, the gym is with dh's work and has a cafe in it- so we're going to have a lunch date after one of my workouts next week while dd is still playing with her new friends. So it looks like I'm going to have 3 breaks a week with that, and dh usually takes dd out once on the weekend and gets up with her Sturday mornings.

[fruitfulmomma]

Well, I think what works for us isn't going to work for every family. I don't think there is really a "normal", too many variables - kwim?

For us, we live next door to my in-laws so the kids go over to play or get breakfast or whatever, which gives me a bit of a break. But my oldest is almost nine and they've only been watched 2x by non-family members and that was for appointments not fun. I think our only "date" since he was born was stopping in at a Taco Bell a few months ago while they were at dh's parents, oh, and we did go to dh's class reunion. For the most part we just prefer to be with our kids. I would love an anniversary get away one of these days but there would probably still be a nursling along.

[durafemina]

I spent the first year of dd's life in Ottawa having just moved there a few weeks before she was born - yup the winters can get isolating! but now I miss it and look back fondly - even in the worst weather there was Bridgehead to go have a chai latte at, the Extraordinary Baby Shop to go browse/chat/have a breastfeed in, MEC, the local LLL meetings a few blocks away,the public library and my fave little yoga studio around the corner (hi Amanda!). I guess harder without OCtranspo working, but we lived in the market so there were lots of places to walk to. . . and everyone is so friendly. Even browsing the local NFS, local pharmacy, post office and independent shops ended up in nice chats with tons of people. And of course, taking lots of time to snuggle up, watch movies all afternoon (the kinds that Dp wouldn't watch with me, lol), bake, cook a nice pot of soup, play with dd in a big pile of dryer-hot laundry (I'm in NZ now where there are no dryers and I remember them fondly as a guilty pleasure!), knit, read, have a friend over for lounging with, listen to the programs on the CBC radio, or podcasts. . . yeah. . .really fond memories

Anyway, to answer the orginal question - I mostly feel like I get plenty of breaks. When I'm out on midwifery placement which is at least once a week I really enjoy myself (it's work, but work I love immensely), Dp tries to let me sleep in alone about once a week when his schedule allows (complete with breakfast in bed). A few hours a week to study (not so much fun!) and he'll take dd out so I can knit/read/sleep/etc at least once a week. When I have friends over, Dp will wrangle the kids so we can chat over coffee longer too (L). Plus I have awesome housemates who will take dd on errands or into the garden with them while I cook dinner or take a little break.
Dp also puts dd to bed a few nights a week, and I often stay up a little later to sew or read or eat a late dinner or hang out with him - so that feels like a break too.
Dp gets way more time to himself out of the house (usually at the gym or with friends) but that's cool with me given the mama-heavy stage of babies is short & sweet, and I'm happier to be at home anyway. I also know that if I told Dp I needed a few hours at a coffee shop or the library or something, he'd go out of his way to oblige, so just knowing that helps.
And even saying all that, there are times when it's just not possible to get a break right when I need it, and it's frustrating. . . but I try and keep it in persepctive

[Mylie]

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma

never

:

She is 16 months old and I have never been away from her except for an hour or two when she was asleep and I had my mom watch her so I could run to the store...Her and I are like two peas in a pod..Side by side..

[claddaghmom]

We're trying to be preventative, so DH and I try to take it easy however we can.

If we can sleep in, we do.

We reserve two evenings a week for munchies and a beer while watching a movie or CSI or House. She is with us, of course, but it is always relaxing.

DH gets one night a week to himself. I typically stay at my parents house and visit until it's her bedtime. This gives him some quiet time and he usually plays videogames at this time.

And in exchange for the one night a week, I get time everday to be on my own. We decided to do it this way b/c we needed to be flexible for her...it's hard to schedule around an AP/EBF baby. So if she is happy or sleeping, then I can cash in my mommy-time card. Just to read a book, take a long bath or even go shopping nearby.

[Mama Poot]

I am in school from 8am-12pm 5 days a week. That's my break. (otherwise I wouldn't get many...one of many reasons I returned to finish my degree!)

[Doodlebugsmom]

Technically, I could get a break whenever I want one. The kids can go to dh's office anytime, and dh would never mind if I wanted to go out for a while on an evening or weekend. Since dd is in school, it makes going to dh's office tricky (I like to stay on a regular schedule during school. She doesn't get home until 3:45 anyway.) By the time dh gets home from work in the evening, I'm usually too beat to leave the house! Even if dh takes the kids out on the weekend to do something, I'm usually cooking or cleaning. Ds starts kindergarten next year, so the kids will be at school from 9:00-3:45. I think I'll make sure to find a few hours a week to do something just for me. Even a nice walk or something, KWIM?

[Satori]

Originally Posted by nichole

How often do you get a break and how often do you need a break? I think I get one about once a month. By a break, I mean at least an hour going out on a date or with your friends while your children are with a sitter or caregiver.

I think I would be more relaxed if I had more breaks.

I'm lucky if I get a break every 2-3 months and that's only becasue its a Dr appt or something. Right now I NEED a sanity break and I there's zero chance of that happening until Tuesday when I need to take a test for school so I'll get 3 hours to myself and you bet you butt I'll be blaring what ever music I want to listen to on the 50 mile commute each way I think I would be a much happier person if I could just get an hour to myself a week, 3 hours would be amazing and 3 hours 2x a week would put me over the moon! I NEED time alone to recharge and hear silence and not have someone needing me literally every 30 seconds. I swear, most days I'd love to just be able to pee without someone bothering me or talking under the door or the kids trying to kill each other in the 30 seconds I'm out of the room. Its days like this I fantasize about having a partner and walking out the door and saying "c ya! be back in a couple of hours".

[Shera971]

I guess I'm pretty lucky. I have one son who is 3 and I work 3 days a week. Not that I consider working a break but it definitely is a change of scenery. And basically I or my DH can go out whenever we want. Case is point I'm going out to dinner with a dear friend of mine tonight and both DS and DH are looking forward to their night with just "the boys" (dog included). For me its a matter of sanity. I just plain wouldn't be able to cope if I didn't get breaks and let myself recharge.

[pomplemoose]

DF and i make sure to get out at least once every month or two. other that we always make time every week to either cook or watch tv or play a game together. i think thats the most important part. but he lets me go out when ever i need, and he gets to go play disc golf with friends (sometimes w DC too) but i just let him know when i need it and vice versa.

[leosmommy]

I don't get breaks. I don't feel as though I need them, though. I'm happy being with DS and DH. I go to school a few times a week but I'm not usually gone long enough to pump. DH and I are very open with our feelings all the time and this helps us stay calm and happy.

[Super Glue Mommy]

Id say about once a month. Other then getting a sitter about once a month to go see a movie with DH, every 3 or so days DH will help me with the kids so I can have some time to myself to shower without any interuption.

[psychethemuse]

I don't get breaks too often, but when DH starts to see that I'm getting really stressed, he'll take DD out for a long walk or a trip to the store. Whenever I go to a ladies night out, DH watches her for hours at a stretch. Alas, they are too few.

I have mini breaks when I decide to just veg out in front of the computer when DD is napping, but usually I like to get stuff done around the house. In the future, I'd like to take a class but I'll have to find good childcare since it will most likely be during the day.

As far as us time goes- we've not had a date in at least 6 months. However, we'll be visiting my parents for a bit, and if DD warms up to them we'll go to the Brazilian steakhouse my mom has been raving about.

[petram]

I've had 2 hours in the last 2 months when my partner took our son out for a walk. I read a book for half an hour and cleaned and cooked the other 1.5 hours, so really I only count it as half an hour in 2 months.......