MIL let DD cry it out - Page 6

[beansricerevolt]

WOW Just... wow!

[hippiemommaof4]

oh it would have been on like donkey kong, my mil is a fruitcake like that too. always saying "crying wont hurt them its good for the lungs"...we were staying with my inlaws once for vacation (we're military so we dont see family much) and she slapped my oldest dd when she was only like 16 months old! basically here is what happend... I was giving DS who was only 2 months old at the time a bath, I told mil dd was not feeling well prior to this because she was teething and to kind of leave her alone. mil being the <insert bad name here> that she is was like yeah whatever (lady totally doesnt respect me as a mother and never probably will always undermining me etc) so mil as stupid as she is put her finger in DDs mouth (eww) and dd bites her (good I say). So my <insert bad name here> of a mil slaps her on the back... I almost beat the freaking poo out of her seriously, if my dh wouldnt have been there I would have laid the old broad out, you never hit my kids ever! MIL started crying blaming it on reflex or whatever but I dont give a poo you dont hit my kids. I am very confrontational so I had not problems handing her butt to her and I still dont. ((((((hugs to you)))))) she sounds like a real fruit loop.

[jessicado]

Wow, I agree with everything said here. To disagree is one thing, but to do that in the 1/2 hour span or whatever that is her first chance and then to try and cover it up with music and then grab your arm?!?! I would've freaked out on her!
I also would have freaked out on the MIL who slapped the 16 month old...: Seriously, what is wrong with people?!?!

[leighann79]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

wow...I literally would have physically beaten MIL, like punched her repeatedly in the face until they pulled me off.
well, okay, no i wouldn't have, because *I* wouldn't have left dd with someone who I did not know and trust completely.

That seems a bit harsh. She left her daughter with grandma. Not a stranger. You would think that you can trust Grandma for a half an hour. (btw, the eye roll is at Grandma, not you. )

[NewMama2007]

MIL has done/threatened to do things to dd that I don't agree with. Therefore, she does not get alone time with DD. She made a mistake, you corrected her and told her you don't wand your lo CIO, and she chose to do it again. She completely disrespected your choices as mama. What else would she do? Give your LO something dangerous to play with or eat? I wouldn't give her another chance. (I know I'm a little harsh here, but DD is almost 2 and this same thing has been going on for as long as she's been born, so...)

[chinaKat]

Wow, I must be more mainstream than I thought. I don't advocate CIO and I think that the MIL blatantly disregarded the OP's wishes, but those of you that are saying they'd kick the woman out of the house, or physically beat her? Whoa.

Clearly, the MIL has a different parenting style AND some sort of desire to show the OP she knows "best", and I wouldn't leave my child with her anymore either, but I think some of these responses are a *tad* over the top.

[hippiemommaof4]

Originally Posted by chinaKat

Wow, I must be more mainstream than I thought. I don't advocate CIO and I think that the MIL blatantly disregarded the OP's wishes, but those of you that are saying they'd kick the woman out of the house, or physically beat her? Whoa.

Clearly, the MIL has a different parenting style AND some sort of desire to show the OP she knows "best", and I wouldn't leave my child with her anymore either, but I think some of these responses are a *tad* over the top.

I know people said they would physically slap her but I doubt many really would...In my situation though where my mil actually hit my kid, yeah I could have hit her, I felt like it, I almost did but she hit my child who couldnt defend herself. Hitting is wrong I know that it is but my mother instincts over power that urge if you physically harm my children and even with the CIO thing there is a difference between a second or a min of CIO than like 30 minutes and the baby is just physically sick or weak etc. Its just not ok and I could see feeling like I wanted to physically slap the poo out of someone who did that to my child. I let my mother insticts cloud my rational thoughts a lot and I think thats how most moms are.

[Natalie's Mama]

Update - page 6

Sorry, I've been out of town for a few days.

So I talked to DH and he was upset by the whole thing as well. Really it was more about the sneaky nature it was done. It is bad enough that she did it at all, but the way it was done was very childish and cruel (to dd and I)
I said there was zero chance that she was going to be alone in the room with DD let alone in the house. We decided that the best way to deal with it was to do nothing. She would argue until she was blue in the face. So that is what we did. She was planning on taking her last night for the evening and we just never went out. There has been a few times she has told me to leave the room, because I was "upsetting DD" (she had fallen forward trying to crawl and hit her face on the floor. She was crying and MIL figured that she was upset because I ran over to DD and she would calm down faster in MIL's arms. The fact that she hasn't seen MIL since she was a month old so she is more or less a stranger. But I digress) I just don't leave and if MIL says she will go change her or something DH or I will go with her. She is very strange with DD anyways. She says "oh Grandma wants to play with her", play for 2 or 3 minutes then put her down. I'm not sayign she has to put in an hour a time, but why remove her from FIL (who is fantastic with her!! I would leave her with him for sure! DD would never get a chance to rest though, he'd play with her until she passed out!)

It is totally getting to her, which makes me happy even if it is totally passive aggressive. I'm really sad actually that it will affect her relationship with her Grandma. I just can't see trusting her again. I loved getting to spend the night with my Grandma when I was growing up and I hoped for the same thing for DD. She has other grandparents, but it still feels like a big loss. I really didn't want my strained relationship with MIL to ever be noticed by DD, but I don't see a way around it now. Sucks, but oh well.

Anyways, I hear my babe stirring, so I gotta run. Sorry it took so long to update, it has been a crazy week.

[liliaceae]

Thanks for the update. I'm so glad your DH is being supportive of you. I cannot believe your MIL actually told you to leave the room! That is absolutely crazy. You're definitely doing the right thing in not leaving your dd alone with her. It is such a shame that she can't be trusted alone with her granddaughter, but she has no one to blame but herself. I hope things get easier for you.

[Swan3]

It is sad that this might impact the longterm relationship.

Although I totally disagree with what your MIL did (I would have LOST it on her and probably smacked her hand if she was trying to restrain me), perhaps when DD is out of the baby stage things will get better. I found with my MIL I gained a bit more trust as DD became more independent and will have more as she is less at the mercy of adults...

Good luck!

[2pinks]

Thanks for the update and glad that dh is supporting you. I still can't believe she is acting up though.

and yeah, I'll say it again. Their relationship will never be what you would have allowed it to be b/c of your MIL. You have done nothing wrong.

[Jezzy]

OMG! You have every right to be furious! I would NEVER let mil be alone with my child again! NEVER! I can't believe that she grabbed your arm and tried to stop you from going to your dc! That is nuts!

[ernalala]

I would certainly not threaten with kicking my family (in law) out.
But I would make sure MIL wouldn't get alone time with my child, and be very vigilant when she's around. I've been like that with people I didn't trust enough with my babies, and that works. Not ideal, but way better than to totally condemn the family relationships.

[green betty]

Wow, you're handling it great. Just wanted to give you a !

[leighann79]

Sounds like you have a great DH (so glad he agrees with you!) and you guys have a great plan. Keep up the good work, mama!

[peainthepod]

So glad your DH is on board and also very glad you've both resolved never to leave your daughter alone with your MIL again.

I find it chilling and quite creepy that she keeps demanding you leave the room so she can be alone with DD again. Why would she want that? Yikes. :

[Mamafreya]

Originally Posted by leighann79

Sounds like you have a great DH (so glad he agrees with you!) and you guys have a great plan. Keep up the good work, mama!

:

[1littlebit]

what you said about her playing with your dd for two minutes and then stopping made me think about something. she may not have the slightest idea what to do with a baby. obviously her kids CIO (apparently not just at night either) so she probably has no idea what to do with a baby besides play with one for a few minutes and then put it down to cry.

it might be helpful if you give her a book to read to your dd or play with your dd with her so she can see what you do and hopefully learn to do the same. its also possible that she's a total fruitcake who thinks babies should be convenient and obedient all the time... but it can't hurt to try