When does your life become yours again?

[veganone]

I'm not anxious for this to happen, but I wonder when it might. I'm okay with my life revolving around DD - I had 34 years to focus on myself. But I do look forward to sitting on the couch and reading a book or being able to take a long shower, or go shopping for myself...

When did you feel like life wasn't 100% focused on the LO?

[becoming]

My youngest is 18 months old, and in the past 2 months, I've been feeling more and more like my own person again. I can sit and read a book now for a half hour without anyone needing anything. I can watch a show on TV and hear most of it. Finally, GLORIOUSLY, I sleep all night again!

(My LOs are 7, 3, and 18 months.)

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Well, by the time they were both in preschool or better I could sit and read while they played sometimes and I could take a shower without worrying about the consequences. Now that they are 5 and 9 I feel like parts of the day still needs to revolve around them for the routine to go smoothly, but there are large portions where it doesn't have to.

[veganone]

Originally Posted by becoming

My youngest is 18 months old, and in the past 2 months, I've been feeling more and more like my own person again. I can sit and read a book now for a half hour without anyone needing anything. I can watch a show on TV and hear most of it. Finally, GLORIOUSLY, I sleep all night again!

(My LOs are 7, 3, and 18 months.)

Nice - you're super lucky. DD is 16 months and it's definitely still all about her! I'm sure she'll sleep someday, but not in the near future for sure.

Preschool age sounds good - and sooner than I expected, frankly. Yay!

[AllisonR]

Now! I agree with a pp who said around 18 months, then I could occasionally do what I wanted. But those were special times. I mean, if I had a full hour to myself, it was so unique that I remembered it. Now just a half year later and my 4 yo and 2 yo often have an hour where they play together without me or DH at all. Not all the time, not every day. So I still can't count 100% on having me time, but I can generally get some.

[Biscuits & Gravy]

I think sometime between 18 months and 2 it started to get much easier and we had more personal time. Which is probably why we have a newborn now.

[jessixm]

Seems like my girls (8 & 2 1/2) were each about 24 mos when they started playing/pretending for 20 min or so without wanting my attention. This was also around the age I felt comfortable escaping for a couple hours to shopping, get a haircut, etc..because they no longer nursed as often, or completely freaked when I left...

[soccermama]

I would say around 15-18 months. It really depends on what each family has going on, though. Our life was a little hectic when DS was that age, so for us, it really didn't happen until 20/21 months.

[earthmama369]

It's been gradual, but since my youngest turned 2, I've been able to get out more for evening classes, social events, etc. Parenting is still a huge part of my life, but it's possible to get out for personal interests without feeling like they need me. They're both happy to hang out with Dadoo or their grandparents or auntie for a while.

[veganone]

Well now I'm getting depressed, because I swear I can't see it happening by 18 months here. I mean, I can get 15 minutes here or there, but not time to lay on the couch and read or shower without her knocking on the shower door at me and waving (sweet, but not the same as a relaxing, private shower).

[Ks Mama]

Originally Posted by veganone

I'm not anxious for this to happen, but I wonder when it might. I'm okay with my life revolving around DD - I had 34 years to focus on myself. But I do look forward to sitting on the couch and reading a book or being able to take a long shower, or go shopping for myself...

When did you feel like life wasn't 100% focused on the LO?

Well, DH & I were together for 10 yrs before having DD, and I've always worked, first from home, and now I'm able to work some in our office as well as from home while the children are in school in the mornings, so life has never 100% been focused on my children - though they've certainly been the biggest part, I also find time to focus on my husband & our business. We never gave up playing cards, gaming, movie watching, or reading either. Though in much smaller doses, and at off hours, haha. I haven't had much opportunity to shop by myself, but I've never really enjoyed shopping anyhow, so when I have a moment to myself, I usually use it to read or hop on here, or do some work.

I guess things got "easier" or moments alone got more frequent when DD was nearing 18 mo, and MIL was able to take her out for bits of time - but again, I usually use that time to work. We always have time in the evenings to read, watch movies, work, play games, etc. , we always made that important in our lives, so we helped our children & ourselves into a routine that would allow a few hours of adult time after they are in bed. For me though, being 100% focused on any one aspect of my life doesn't work for me. It might work for you.

But... if you can't even get a shower, and WANT one to yourself, I think you need to figure out how to get a few more moments of time for yourself - asking DH or a relative or friend for help, structuring your evenings to have some time, etc. At 15 months, your daughter should be able to understand that you want a moment to do YOUR work, and you can set her up with some work of her own. A 15 month old should be able to focus on something for a few minutes without you entertaining. Now... if you don't really WANT that "free" time right now, then don't sweat it, it will come in time.

[cad's_mommy]

Well, like you I waited, but I was 27 when I had my first. By the time I had ds, I had gotten out all of my selfish needs...life being about me & dh only. I am now 34 and a mom of 3.....and counting.

I get to go to the bathroom alone now, take a longer shower, maybe even go shopping alone, and I use to even have time to read a book, all this and still be a mom.

For me it depends on the schedule and if we are able to keep it, from kids taking naps when they are suppose to, to when they are playing, or in bed for the night. Taking a little bit of time to relax doesn't have to be when they are grown and gone, but it may not be when they are awake either.

I don't know the age of your dd, but you'll find out that as she gets older you will be able to sneak in a long shower here and there.



Darcy wife to Jeff 11/1/1999 SAHM to Carder 5/28/02 : Adryenne 6/28/05, Davis 6/5/08 : , and

[megababymomma]

DS is 19 months old and life is starting to be mine a little bit again... more because DS and DH are stuck together like glue so even though he is just as demanding as ever his needs and the direction they demanded in are different.

[Jessy1019]

By the time each of them were between 12-18 months, I felt like they were playing well independently -- giving me more time to get things done for myself. Now, they are 3 and 6, and while they are always on my mind, they will often play together happily for ages. I can knit, read, play online, etc while they are happily entertaining each other.

. . . Most of the time.

[veganone]

I wish I could rely on evening time, but DD is not a reliable sleeper at all. Some nights I get 2 hours after she goes to bed, but often not and I can't ever count on it. I work full time, which is my time, but isn't really free time, I guess. And is part of why I feel like I have no free time, I'm sure. I don't get a daily break with her nap. The time I do have with her I want to focus on her, really, but it would also be nice to sit down and read for an hour on the weekend.

DH will watch her while I shower, but usually a few minutes in they are both in the bedroom and she's knocking on the door and he's saying "mommy..."

I don't feel bogged down. I'm quite happy, but I played "hookie" with a friend over the holidays and went outlet shopping and it just felt sooo good to be out and able to do what I wanted when I wanted and not worry about DD and keeping her entertained.

Maybe she's still higher needs? It doesn't feel like it, but it sounds like maybe she is more demanding than some.

[Close2Me]

Kindergarten and first grade!

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Originally Posted by veganone

DH will watch her while I shower, but usually a few minutes in they are both in the bedroom and she's knocking on the door and he's saying "mommy..."

What about times other than a shower? Can he not watch her for at least an hour each weekend? If she is very focused on you he may have to take her out (or you may have to head for Starbucks), but if he is around he should definitely be doing at least that much! Also, before DD arrived we each had every other evening to ourselves while other parent did bedtime routine -- what about that? It did take a while before DD would accept DH, but we stuck with it, despite some mighty protests from her in the process.

[veganone]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

What about times other than a shower? Can he not watch her for at least an hour each weekend? If she is very focused on you he may have to take her out (or you may have to head for Starbucks), but if he is around he should definitely be doing at least that much! Also, before DD arrived we each had every other evening to ourselves while other parent did bedtime routine -- what about that? It did take a while before DD would accept DH, but we stuck with it, despite some mighty protests from her in the process.

This is a long story, but caring for her has ended up being *my* responsibility for more than I can get into here. It's not fair, but it is what it is. He's a good dad, but just not one to really step up. He will take her out and about when I really need a nap or something (if she's been up all night), but it's not normal for him to do it and I have to ask explicitly.

He has taken over her bath at night, so I get 20 minutes to wash my face and put on my jammies alone, but once she realizes it's bedtime she completely freaks out if it's not me. We've even talked about me just being gone some nights so that he has to do it, and at some point we probably will resort to this.

Thanks mamas!

[Maluhia]

3

[amrijane128]

my DD (25 months) is just now starting to play by herself for a few minutes so I can read, shower, etc. Actually, I can only sneak in a shower during nap time, but I take LONG showers!