Should Peds/Family Docs Give You Parenting Advice?

[Turquesa]

Forgive me if this isn't the best forum for posting this.

I'm wondering how you mamas feel about your LO's doctors giving you non-medical parenting advice--e.g. night-time parenting, diapering choices, etc. This is a hot topic on MDC, but I've never seen it in poll form. Please elaborate on your vote.

[Joyster]

I don't mind if it's presented in a way. Like if I'm bringing up an issue and they say "Hey, you know, this has worked with me and my kids" or "One of my patients has mentioned that this worked really well with her kids." Just like anything else, there is a diplomacy to it.

Most of my doctors come from a culture where various aspects of AP is pretty much every day life parenting for them, so it's pretty much a non issue.

[AFWife]

If I ask for the advice it's fine...but I'd feel uncomfortable if my ped just randomly offered advice.

[AutumnAir]

I voted 'no' because in my experience doctors tend to dole out old-wives tales and nonsense that has nothing to do with evidence-based practice. If I could trust doctors to be up-to-date with the latest research and to know what they're talking about before they shoot their mouths off then I might change my answer to 'yes, if I ask for advice'.

[Jessy1019]

Emphatically, no.

One of the great things about my kids' current pediatrician is that he dispenses only medical information/advice. I don't know if I've given off the right vibe or what, but he has been great about NOT interjecting his opinions or even asking much that would lead to advice-giving. I wouldn't trust the other doctors in the practice to do the same, as my friend takes her children to them and gets LOTS of advice.

Our first pediatrician was a horrible advice-giver -- she talked down to the parents, gave STUPID advice, and was just generally obnoxious. Hence, she's no longer our ped.

When I want parenting advice, I go to people I trust who have similar values and who parent similarly.

[LuxPerpetua]

I voted "no" because all of the doctors we've had have given lots of unwanted mainstream advice without being asked and without qualifications. A friend of mine is very insecure in her parenting and has received tons of bad advice from her doctor which has in turn made her a worse mother which has led to further insecurity, etc. It's a terrible cycle for her and it makes me angry.

[Storm Bride]

I voted "yes - but only if I ask". I never have, but there are times when parenting advice and medical advice kind of overlap, so I could see myself maybe asking something....maybe.

ETA: I don't think their medical training makes them even remotely qualified, but I do think they may have been exposed to a lot of secondhand accounts of what did or didn't work for a given problem, yk? I wouldn't take what they said as Holy Writ, but they could provide a helpful perspective.

[MamaJenese]

I voted only if I ask. I happen to really like my Ped. He the father of four and He and I on the on the same page on lot of thigs. However, he never offers up any parenting advice. But here and there with little issues I have asked him. However I do believe they should only offer medical advice.

[One_Girl]

If I ask for advice than I would hope my doctor would give it. There are some issues that kind of blend together into both a medical and parenting issue; like pants wetting with no medical reason, food choices, car seat choices, etc... and I think they should also speak up about those if they see a need to. There are probably some instances where a doctor should say something for the safety of a child because just reporting to CPS may not be enough.

[Caneel]

Our doc (family pract.) does throw out thought that are along the line of "this is what we experiences and/or what worked for us, take it for what it is worth" type of advice as it relates to topics that relate to concerns I bring up.

Because I really like him and his wife, I appreciate it. I would so we share similar parenting styles. They have four of their own, she EBF, and they are really down to earth. He has talked me down from my hysteria many of time.

He also is a very calming influence for DH, who was very main stream (as was I) prior to me getting pregnant with DS.

If I didn't value his opinion or thought the advice was cr_p, I would be annoyed by unsolicited advice.

[Ruthla]

I voted "other" because it depends on the circumstances.

For the most part, I don't think peds should give out parenting advice unless asked. I see no problem with peds giving out parenting advice if asked, as long as they make it crystal clear what's parenting advice and what's medical advice.

For example, it's appropriate for a ped to say "by 8mo, many babies are physically capable of sleeping 8+ hours without waking to eat." It's NOT appropriate to say "your 8mo baby SHOULD BE sleeping through the night by now." But, if a parent asks for advice on getting the baby to sleep longer stretches, it's appropriate for the ped to give advice based on his/her personal experiences or the experiences of other families s/he's been in contact with. But they need to be clear about what was parenting advice (so parents can feel free to ignore it) and what's medical advice.

Peds definitely do need to say something when parenting practices are unsafe. Say, if they wanted to let a 5 day old CIO and not be fed for 8 hours, the ped has an obligation to say "newborns need to eat more frequently" and then give an age at which longer stretches between feedings would be safe.

[Dahlea]

only if i ask. they have no idea what our parenting style is, so they shouldn't offer.

[Arwyn]

Other -- they should be trained in evidence-based, biologically appropriate parenting practices, and recommend that as best for children.

But they aren't, so they're just spreading rumors and falsehoods (generally), so they should speak only to what they know, which is medical pathology.

[Murihiku]

I voted yes because parenting issues and medical issues overlap. I want my doctor to recommend to me that I breastfeed my baby for at least a year because breastfed babies are healthier; if I gave my baby formula of course I wouldn't appreciate that. I want my doctor to tell me not to give my baby solids at three months. I want my doctor to advise me against co-sleeping if I am a smoker, but if I were a smoker I might not appreciate that advice. I want my doctor to ask me if I have a safe carseat for my baby, because injuries are a medical issue.

I think people are happy to accept unsolicited advice from their doctor if it coincides with their own parenting practices, and unhappy if it doesn't; but I do think doctors have a duty to offer unsolicited advice on those aspects of parenting that are also medical.

My doctors have given me the advice I mention in the first paragraph; unfortunately it seems like a lot of people get (what I would consider to be) the wrong advice.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

It would definitely be better if peds had more training in current parenting practices. But even if they did they could never offer advise that will please everyone.

I think they should offer advise if asked, but not volunteer pure parenting advise. They should offer safety advise if they see/hear of something unsafe. But they should also offer resourses for doing the research and making decisions for yourself. Sort of like, "Breastfeeding is best and here are some resources for you to come to your own conclusions".

I'm lucky -- our ped. is a young woman (younger than I by about 15 years) with a 3 YO and infant of her own. She is more mainstream than I but not by much and is always very respectful when she offers information, even about medical things. She's never given me advise I didn't ask for.

[Drummer's Wife]

I'm going to have to say: NO.

I suppose if I actually wanted parenting advice from a ped, and I ASKED, then I might appreciate any suggestions they had --if they were good ones, though. I just can't imagine asking a pediatrician how to potty learn, or how to discipline, or otherwise. There are so many other resources available, that would likely be the last place I would be with parenting related quesions. So, pretty much my vote is still no

[Amys1st]

I voted:
Yes, but only with this doc because I trust his/her advice.

But this is a limited issue. My Dr/ped is someone I highly respect and admire plus I trust her 100%. A little background- before opening up her practice right before dd1 was born (this ped came highly recommended by my OB who also sent her kids to her) she was a neo for 20 plus years. I didnt know 4 years later we would need her like we did. She is and was an advocate in the nicu esp since she was at that particular nicu for all her career so she went on rounds, still teaches at the university, and was an advocate. I didnt know until later, but she called daily or every other day to know what was happening w our dd2. So I do not hestitate to ask about things with this child and raising her because she is very interested in things not just medical. We share how we parent our dds and are very upfront about our parenting choices, esp AP.

But, that is as far as it goes. She was a resident when she had her kids and then went on for a fellowship while having small kids. Then starting attending at the nicu and stayed there. Both her kids are Drs now- one just getting out of school and the other a fellow. So her choices are very different than mine being a sahmom. I might do things different because I am around my kids a lot more than she was. You do not get to the point she was and is in her career being the kind of mom I am- sah.

[Amys1st]

I should add- one time at an appt with a Dr, the nurse assisting also had a child in the nicu at the time. We talked and I gave her some tips on follow up care, monitors etc she would need and which company to choose etc. The Dr commented how she always learns from the parents what advice she should give and how having the parents talk to one another was sometimes the best advice.

[rmzbm]

No.

[~PurityLake~]

No. They are medical experts, not child psychologists or parenting experts

And I even extend this to veterinarians. Vets shouldn't give out nutritional, behavior, training, socialization advice because 99.9% of vets have had absolutely no training in those areas, either.