Originally Posted by christyc
I think there's just a big difference in CIO as a sleep method, and letting your babies cry for a little while because you're simply past the point where you can parent them. I could never support CIO as a sleep method, but I can definitely relate to feeling like you just can't take it any more in the middle of the night. PLENTY of times, after what felt like an all night nurse-a-thon, I've just gotten out of the bed, told DH I can't take it any more, and walked out of the room for a little while. Babies, even though they were with their dad, would cry like crazy; I'd go sit on the other side of the house for a few minutes and regroup. And back when I was a single mom, I didn't use CIO as a sleep method, but there were a few times when I left my baby safely in his crib, but crying, while I stepped away to get myself together. There was even one time when I called a friend and said, "Please come help-- one of us is about to go over the balcony!" (we lived in a 3rd floor condo)
You definitely need to try to round up some help, if you can. It's so hard doing ANY kind of parenting alone, and I'm sure it's even more so with twins.
The thing is, at this point it almost seems more cruel to leave them crying every single night, which is what it's come to, without doing it in a way that they're actually going to end up benefiting from it down the line. They are up there crying right now. Here's what happened...if anybody can figure out how I could do this, please do: Toby will only sleep ON me. The second I put him down he is up and screaming. So I was in bed with him on me and Ari next to me. Then DS1 woke up and I had to put down Toby, who of course screamed, and then DS1 wanted to come to bed with me. So I put him in the bed and picked back up Toby and fine, everybody went back to sleep. A bit later Ari woke up and I managed to nurse him while holding sleeping Toby. Then I don't even remember what happened but both babies were awake and I couldn't get either back to sleep. I tried to take Ari to the other room to get him back to sleep, so then at least I could hold Toby, but Toby was screaming and that woke up DS1...so then all 3 kids were awake. So I took DS1 back to his bed and tucked him in and went to my bed and nursed the babies together, but neither would go to sleep. So at that point I had no idea what to do, and I was getting overwhelmed (also their fingernails need cutting, I do it once a week but they grow so darn fast, so I'm all scratched up by this point), so I just left them and came downstairs. And they are up there crying now. They absolutely need sleep. They are exhausted. Also I feel bad for Ari because really Toby is the problem; Ari sleeps quite well in bed with me, if everything else goes well. And I feel bad for Toby because if he was my only kid I could just hold him and he'd sleep solidly. But of course reality is reality.
I got in touch with a night nurse a while back. There was NO way I could afford to hire her for more than one night, tops (even that would be a stretch). I really don't have that kind of money. And one night wouldn't make a difference, we'd be back to the same the next night. At this point it's not even so much MY exhaustion, but the fact that my kids aren't sleeping. And I am physically touching and/or nursing a child almost 24 hours a day, and it's just gotten to be completely overwhelming.
I did post an ad for a mother's helper at the local college, and I have a few replies, so at least during the day I should be getting some help soon.
I don't *want* to resort to sleep training in the form of full CIO, but at this point it might really be my best choice. The problem is that Toby has had a runny nose for like 2 weeks, and he's been refluxing more again (he stopped when I cut dairy, no clue why it's back), and so I really can't see making him CIO when he's sick like this. I mean there have been a few nights recently when I left them crying, and Ari went to sleep, and then I just picked up Toby and went from there. It sounds awful, but I'm considering sleep training only Ari. He's much more receptive to it, for whatever reason. Like I said before, I did try to sleep train them a few weeks ago, but stopped because they got a cold. Also I just spent the whole time weeping myself. I don't know if I could do it again. It makes me feel evil. I don't think it's a good idea. But I also don't know what else to do.
Oh yeah, and if I could just sit there and nurse them all night, that would be one thing. But they don't want to nurse most of the time.
eta: DS1 falls asleep pretty easily for the night, in his own bed. I read to him, tuck him in, give him his water bottle, and he's usually good. He just wakes up a bunch at night for no good reason. I tried to get him to go to sleep for the night in my room, next to my bed, but he wanted none of it. He likes his bed, I guess. Some nights he insists on going back to his bed, but he wants me in his bed. If he does come to my bed, like tonight, he ends up rolling closer and closer to me, and pushing Ari over in the process (hopefully not waking Ari up), and then I end up sleeping in the side-carred crib with Toby because there's no room. lol