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Empty Nest?  

post #1 of 20
1/15/09 at 12:24am
Thread Starter 
sigh... dd and her ds went to "visit" (indefinitely) with her recently reunited baby daddy ... its been two weeks and I miss them sooooooooooooo much .. sigh - I don't know if she is planning on ever coming back

(well we do have a family trip planned mid february .. but still)
post #2 of 20
1/15/09 at 3:54am
I know how you feel. Both of my children are away at college now, and I am tremendously lonely these days. I think of things 20 times a day that I want to tell one or the other of them, and I really miss their company. Sigh.
post #3 of 20
1/15/09 at 11:10am
Ugh, I'm headed here next year ( college). Some days it seems desirable,lol, but most days not. Mine's an only and I'm already talking to the cats.
post #4 of 20
1/15/09 at 11:10am
P.S. http://www.emptynestsupport.com/
post #5 of 20
1/15/09 at 1:20pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dhammamama View Post
I'm already talking to the cats.
awww... now maybe I need to get a cat

I still have ds and his brood of friends ... but dd and I used to cook together and talk about girl stuff ... now its me and a bunch of boys ..

dh is going to pick up the baby today and we'll have him for about a week yey! I think dh misses him more than anybody! they are so cute together.. he follows dh around all day long
post #6 of 20
1/16/09 at 6:14pm
Cats are excellent company, imo. I really love mine.

ps. your grandson's at a great age! have fun.
post #7 of 20
1/16/09 at 6:35pm
It's started for me. 17yo ds went to live at my parents' place in Sept for this year of school. I miss him. He was always the 'difficult' one - middle child and all - and things just aren't as exciting when he's not around.

19yo ds and 15yo dd are still at home though.
post #8 of 20
1/16/09 at 6:58pm
Thread Starter 
I guess what I am missing right now is that womanly companionship ...
post #9 of 20
1/16/09 at 7:48pm


Maud, yes! dd spent a bit over a year living across the country with my mother and it was horrible. ds1 was a sweet little thirteen year old and I stopped wanting peace and quiet and started being the house where all the teens hung out, but dd's absence was deafening. I was chomping at the bit for ds to start dating so I could have some female companionship.

I have a brief reprieve named Terran-Sage and right now I've even got the birds that leave my nest back for who knows how long, but I'll never forget the emptiness and how hard it is to believe that it really DOES hurt this bad and the sense of betrayal from a society that does not respect or even admit the value of what we have done with our lives.

It sucks. It really does suck. Your feelings are valid. There's nothing wrong with you.

Your experiences are worthwhile and valuable and there is a new mama or a mama whose child is in a new developmental stage or going through a crisis you have survived who is just waiting for your encouragement and wisdom.
post #10 of 20
1/16/09 at 9:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by dhammamama View Post
Ugh, I'm headed here next year ( college). Some days it seems desirable,lol, but most days not.
I have several friends whose kids have gone to college in the last few years. It makes me glad to know my oldest just became a teenager not too awful long ago and I hope the next few years go very slowly. I can't imagine my kids not being in the house. I hope they find colleges close to home and commute each day.
post #11 of 20
1/17/09 at 4:42pm
awww it is soooo nice to see these sentiments here.

my dd is only six and whenever she was having a tantrum passerbys would say oh you cant wait for her to fly the nest do you. i would give them the horrified look and say no way - i want her to live with me for as long as she wants. it would be their turn to look horrified.

i do enjoy my dd tremedously even though i coparent.

two friends are v. dear to me. and they so reflect the kind of mother dd relationship i would love to have. both of them talk to their dd or mom many times a day. what i found so cute was my friend the mom would jump on the phone and call her dd during lunch break at work. and my friend the dd would call her mom the moment she got out of work. just saying hey.

awwww i find that sooooo sweet. i cant wait to have that with my dd when and if she moves away.

we both are exceptionally close to each other - or so i have been told. i that. not dependent but able to reach each others thoughts.

i remember once at 3 staring at the fridge trying to figure out what i wanted and my dd giving me the :rolleye: and saying you need ---- mother.
post #12 of 20
1/18/09 at 11:23am
I agree with so much of what you said, noordinaryspider, and especially this ~


Quote:
Originally Posted by noordinaryspider View Post
Your experiences are worthwhile and valuable and there is a new mama or a mama whose child is in a new developmental stage or going through a crisis you have survived who is just waiting for your encouragement and wisdom.

Cherie2, I cannot tell you how valuable it is to listen & learn from mamas of older kids. I am only a couple of years into the mothering teens experience and I find such reassurance in hearing others' experiences with the teen years. I'va always enjoyed reading your posts. You're so full of wisdom.


Hope you guys have a great time with your grandson.
post #13 of 20
1/19/09 at 11:25am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherie2 View Post
I guess what I am missing right now is that womanly companionship ...
I hear you. I miss that, too. My d homeschooled and many of my friendships were tied up in that. When she entered hs and the other families continued hs'ing it was hard to stay in contact. Not as much in common, the friendships had been intrinsically wound up with parenting.

We'd also moved right after d was born, so any pre-baby friendships are geographically remote, hard to keep up, and many of them are single women, so none quite fit the bill right now.

Maybe that should be a goal for this year.... make new connections.... it's hard cos I'm pretty shy as well as introverted, but the loneliness is not much fun.
post #14 of 20
1/19/09 at 11:29am
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy68 View Post
I have several friends whose kids have gone to college in the last few years. It makes me glad to know my oldest just became a teenager not too awful long ago and I hope the next few years go very slowly. I can't imagine my kids not being in the house. I hope they find colleges close to home and commute each day.
I hope they pass slowly for you too! I tried so hard to savor everyday, but it's hard. And now it's almost over! I just hope this is the opening of a new door for me. At least, that's what I'm going to try to make of it. I've still got half a lifetime left!
post #15 of 20
1/19/09 at 4:16pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by May May View Post
I cannot tell you how valuable it is to listen & learn from mamas of older kids. I am only a couple of years into the mothering teens experience and I find such reassurance in hearing others' experiences with the teen years. I'va always enjoyed reading your posts. You're so full of wisdom. Hope you guys have a great time with your grandson.

thank you, i needed that
post #16 of 20
1/19/09 at 4:58pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dhammamama View Post
Maybe that should be a goal for this year.... make new connections.... it's hard cos I'm pretty shy as well as introverted, but the loneliness is not much fun.
that is a really good idea ... I am shy too ... but I have made some recent connections with some of my moms friends since she died.
post #17 of 20
1/23/09 at 12:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherie2 View Post
that is a really good idea ... I am shy too ... but I have made some recent connections with some of my moms friends since she died.
How nice that sounds.... my mom doesn't really have many friends, and she and I aren't close, so that's not an option-- but thinking about that makes me more determined to make some connections this year. I'd like my d to have that experience someday. Thanks for sharing that.
post #18 of 20
1/23/09 at 3:54pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dhammamama View Post
How nice that sounds.... my mom doesn't really have many friends, and she and I aren't close, so that's not an option-- but thinking about that makes me more determined to make some connections this year. I'd like my d to have that experience someday. Thanks for sharing that.
what a great point, I had not thought of it from that perspective
post #19 of 20
1/28/09 at 4:31pm
Just wanted to offer a and that I bet I will feel the same way when it comes time. Mine are still little so it is aways off yet (thank God!), but I hope my DS still feels the same then as now. He is 6 and told me he is going to buy the house next door to us so that he can still live close and mommy can come over and play with him.
post #20 of 20
1/28/09 at 10:13pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillmamma View Post
Just wanted to offer a and that I bet I will feel the same way when it comes time. Mine are still little so it is aways off yet (thank God!), but I hope my DS still feels the same then as now. He is 6 and told me he is going to buy the house next door to us so that he can still live close and mommy can come over and play with him.
that is so sweet!! my ds is 16 and still says he wants to build a house next to us (when ever we get some land that is!)
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