Okay, let's see if I can make this long story shorter. My mother and I have had a difficult relationship for the past few years. I moved across the country to a town I felt was perfect for me and my daughter and my mom moved here a year later to be close to my daughter. They have a very close relationship, which is difficult b/c I don't enjoy being around my mother's negative energy.
She has had a hard time with my relationship b/c my partner of 2 years is trans. My mom came to our wedding, but she was a very strange presence. I can't really describe her personality other than the fact that she wishes she could make all of my decisions herself and she doesn't approve of any of the decisions I do make. She is very negative. About two years ago we were having such problems that I decided not to have her in our lives anymore and we didn't talk for about a month. This was very hard on my daughter, who is used to seeing her several times a week.
Our relationship got better for a while, but lately now that my partner and I are pregnant it's been worse again. My mom pretended to be happy for us, but really thinks we can't afford a baby, etc etc. and passes her opinions onto us.
My partner and I want to teach our daughter to be open-minded. She's 5. We have been talking to her a lot in preparation for big sibling-hood and about how babies are just babies, that they shouldn't be defined by "girl" or "boy" because sometimes boys are born with vaginas, etc. We want her not to grow up close-minded. This isn't the center of our discussions, but it is something we talk about because we're so tired of people asking "boy or girl?" etc like our body parts totally define who we are. We thought we were doing the right thing in talking to our daughter about this. BTW, our daughter has always accepted my partner as a male when others do not, b/c he is not on hormones nor has he had any operations.
Anyway, my mom wrote a really nasty email to us about how she thinks this is wrong to teach a child and that someday when our daughter finds out the "truth" she will never trust or speak to us again. I'm referring to the baby comment about people not being defined by their body parts. My mom thinks we should go along with everyone else and just play along even if it's not how we feel in order to protect my daughter. She went on about how people will tell my daughter she is stupid if she ever tells them things like what we've talked to her about. My mom even made a threat about how "CPS sure wouldn't like it".
It annoys me b/c she is so set in gender roles herself and often talks about how we want a girl (like it's hers too) because we wouldn't know what to do with a boy. And girls are more cuddly, etc...all these things she is teaching my daughter.
Every time we email her about our beliefs and how it's important for us to be honest rather than fit in with society just to fit in, she cuts me down. I've asked her to read trans books (she usually calls my husband a "she" and says she just can't remember to use male pronouns) but she says that she won't, that it's not about her not being educated, it's about the danger we're putting our daughter in.
I get so mad b/c my mom isn't willing to try and understand our side of things that I often wish to move away again or at least separate my chosen family from my negative mother. But this is so hard on my daughter. We've tried counseling etc but nothing seems to work as she's not trying to find a middle ground...she just thinks she's right. BTW, she's a liberal Democrat, not a small-town Republican Christian. You'd think she would be more open-minded.
I would like to know how others feel about what we've told our daughter. Is she too young to be educated? Did we go about it wrong? What should we do about my mother in general since she's not willing to compromise? Thank you.
She has had a hard time with my relationship b/c my partner of 2 years is trans. My mom came to our wedding, but she was a very strange presence. I can't really describe her personality other than the fact that she wishes she could make all of my decisions herself and she doesn't approve of any of the decisions I do make. She is very negative. About two years ago we were having such problems that I decided not to have her in our lives anymore and we didn't talk for about a month. This was very hard on my daughter, who is used to seeing her several times a week.
Our relationship got better for a while, but lately now that my partner and I are pregnant it's been worse again. My mom pretended to be happy for us, but really thinks we can't afford a baby, etc etc. and passes her opinions onto us.
My partner and I want to teach our daughter to be open-minded. She's 5. We have been talking to her a lot in preparation for big sibling-hood and about how babies are just babies, that they shouldn't be defined by "girl" or "boy" because sometimes boys are born with vaginas, etc. We want her not to grow up close-minded. This isn't the center of our discussions, but it is something we talk about because we're so tired of people asking "boy or girl?" etc like our body parts totally define who we are. We thought we were doing the right thing in talking to our daughter about this. BTW, our daughter has always accepted my partner as a male when others do not, b/c he is not on hormones nor has he had any operations.
Anyway, my mom wrote a really nasty email to us about how she thinks this is wrong to teach a child and that someday when our daughter finds out the "truth" she will never trust or speak to us again. I'm referring to the baby comment about people not being defined by their body parts. My mom thinks we should go along with everyone else and just play along even if it's not how we feel in order to protect my daughter. She went on about how people will tell my daughter she is stupid if she ever tells them things like what we've talked to her about. My mom even made a threat about how "CPS sure wouldn't like it".
It annoys me b/c she is so set in gender roles herself and often talks about how we want a girl (like it's hers too) because we wouldn't know what to do with a boy. And girls are more cuddly, etc...all these things she is teaching my daughter.
Every time we email her about our beliefs and how it's important for us to be honest rather than fit in with society just to fit in, she cuts me down. I've asked her to read trans books (she usually calls my husband a "she" and says she just can't remember to use male pronouns) but she says that she won't, that it's not about her not being educated, it's about the danger we're putting our daughter in.
I get so mad b/c my mom isn't willing to try and understand our side of things that I often wish to move away again or at least separate my chosen family from my negative mother. But this is so hard on my daughter. We've tried counseling etc but nothing seems to work as she's not trying to find a middle ground...she just thinks she's right. BTW, she's a liberal Democrat, not a small-town Republican Christian. You'd think she would be more open-minded.
I would like to know how others feel about what we've told our daughter. Is she too young to be educated? Did we go about it wrong? What should we do about my mother in general since she's not willing to compromise? Thank you.
I hope to hear more from you soon. I'm glad that someone else feels like we do and that we're not nuts!
. Alright I'll stop messin with you and answer your question now...
