I hate my children right now (and my dh)

[AngelBee]

I feel so overwhelmed and alone.

Mylee just dumped her potty chair in the water filter with poop and pee.

The dog will not shut up and my dh is a self centered ahole.

I do not know how to climb out of this hole riight now!

Everything is out of control!

[AngelBee]

Seriously.....nothing I do is working.

We tried unschooling. They do nothing but fight.

We tried more structure. They do nothing but whine.

I try playful parenting and do everything by myself.

I went on strike. No one noticed.

Gentle discipline doesn't work. Strict punishments do not work.

I am at my wits end. They have NO motivator or currency. Neither does my dh or my fricking dog.

I am getting screwed over by EVERYONE in my home.

I just want to quit!

[athansor]

I don't really have any solutions, but wanted to offer support and some s I hope you find some peace and some answers.

[alegna]

I'm so sorry. you sound so very overwhelmed. Is there anyone to give you a break? Can you leave the kids with your dh and just go sit in a coffee shop and read alone for a bit?

hope things improve,

-Angela

[artgoddess]

deep breathes mama. I hope you can grab yourself some solo recharge time soon.

[ShwarmaQueen]

Definitely agree w/ Angela- you need a breather. Go out by yourself for a few hours.

[tallulahma]

:

no wisdom.

but couldnt read without posting.

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by alegna

I'm so sorry. you sound so very overwhelmed. Is there anyone to give you a break? Can you leave the kids with your dh and just go sit in a coffee shop and read alone for a bit?

hope things improve,

-Angela

No. THat is part of the issue.

Dh skipped a meeting last night to have a couple beers by himself and take a nap.

Meanwhile I took all 4 children (and my fat pregnant self) to work in like -30 degree windchill thinking he was busy at a meeting.

Really he just stayed home and had some "me" time.

I am lucky if I can pee once a day without someone talking to me.

And dh is no help in that department (he helps with cleaning and cooking.....but is not an equal parenting time partner)

[Kyyrah]

Originally Posted by AngelBee

I went on strike. No one noticed.

I know you weren't trying to be funny, so sorry for laughing. But I do know where you're coming from. I totally did this too, thinking I'd finally get some appreciation. No one noticed either, and I just ended up having to do more work to catch up. It sucked!

I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

[Dabble]

Can you just walk away for a while? Unless you have a nursing infant who needs you for sustenance, everyone will survive in your absence.

Just go do something for you. I know that sounds lame, but do something "strange" just for you. Go swimming at an indoor pool and let the unusual sensations and the feeling of being isolated refresh you. Go to a tanning booth and let the light lift you. Go to a friend/family member's house and just hang out. If there is someone you know well and feel comfortable with, go cry on their shoulder or let them baby you for a while. Take a nap at someone else's house.

You are carrying too much on your shoulders and you're bound to snap! Give yourself a time out!

[Ahappymel]

I think I understand where you are at.
I agree that you need some time for yourself.
I have felt similar to the way you are describing and I honestly just had to get dressed and tell dh that I was leaving and would be back in a few hours and he would have to handle it.
One time, I actually just walked outside, got in the car and drove away. Then I called him a minute later to tell him I would be back in a few hours.
I'm not saying that this would be best for you...but my dh didn't seem open to me leaving for a few hours saying that my little one needed me around 24/7. He was already 18 months, still nursing and never been away from me for 2 hours straight. Well, the baby did just fine for 2 hours.
I take for myself regularly now...at least a couple of hours biweekly, and I feel much better for it. I'm a better mom and wife when I take care of myself and my needs.

[Kyyrah]

Originally Posted by AngelBee

No. THat is part of the issue.

Dh skipped a meeting last night to have a couple beers by himself and take a nap.

Meanwhile I took all 4 children (and my fat pregnant self) to work in like -30 degree windchill thinking he was busy at a meeting.

Really he just stayed home and had some "me" time.

I am lucky if I can pee once a day without someone talking to me.

And dh is no help in that department (he helps with cleaning and cooking.....but is not an equal parenting time partner)

Well there you go! I have a teeny tiny feeling that that is the part of the reason you're feeling so grouchy today. I get like that too when it seems like DH gets to go off and have "me" time but I never get a chance. TAKE THE TIME. Even if it doesn't seem like you can. DO IT. You're pregnant. Tell your DH that you're not feeling well, that you're having contractions or something, and must rest. He's on duty. Then go lay down. Or take a bath. And read a good book, or watch TV, or whatever you can do without moving. If your kids ask you for something, tell them to go ask Daddy. My DH is a lot like yours; he just doesn't want to be on parenting duty. Like, ever. But mine HAS to step up to the plate sometimes, and so does yours. Just try it, what's the worst that can happen? (Well, besides fighting with your husband, but hopefully that won't happen. He got HIS free time yesterday.)

[Sheal]

This is going to sound harsh but dump the kids in his lap, make no room for negotiation, if you drive, take the vehicle and go for a long drive, if not take a walk. Get the heck out of dodge for an hour and make him give you that hour.

I've done it to my hubbs. Makes them change their tune pretty quick when they see that crazed look in your eyes as you walk out the door with the keys in hand.

It's not very AP or NFL but make him do it. Don't give him the choice, the moment his arse hits that door to walk in, you walk out. The only thing you should say is "kids are here, you watch them, I'm taking an hour of me time, see you later".

Don't argue, don't negotiate, don't say anymore than that.

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by Kyyrah

Well there you go! I have a teeny tiny feeling that that is the part of the reason you're feeling so grouchy today. I get like that too when it seems like DH gets to go off and have "me" time but I never get a chance. TAKE THE TIME. Even if it doesn't seem like you can. DO IT. You're pregnant. Tell your DH that you're not feeling well, that you're having contractions or something, and must rest. He's on duty. Then go lay down. Or take a bath. And read a good book, or watch TV, or whatever you can do without moving. If your kids ask you for something, tell them to go ask Daddy. My DH is a lot like yours; he just doesn't want to be on parenting duty. Like, ever. But mine HAS to step up to the plate sometimes, and so does yours. Just try it, what's the worst that can happen? (Well, besides fighting with your husband, but hopefully that won't happen. He got HIS free time yesterday.)

That is part of the problem today I am sure. Honestly, I want to kick him out on his butt.

But the kids and I had a rough day yesterday to begin with....so this was the frosting on the cake.

My house is trashed! And it got like that in less then 24 hours.

I have come up with ways to fix it and NO ONE will listen and do it the way I said.

So meanwhile, I keep trying to slay the same dragons we have bee ntrying to slay for days, months, and years.

I am so sick or spinning my wheels in mud and seeing no progress.

I am afriad I am turning my kids into super negative beings because that is what I have become

[Attached Mama]

I agree you need to get out and away for a little while.

Also wondering, what kind of consequences do the kids get for whiny bad attitudes or trashing the house or not cleaning? Can you tell them that they can go sit in their rooms and whine or help happily and those are the only options? Can you dump all their messes like dirty dishes etc in their rooms or get rid of things they leave lying around? Because it sounds to me like they have no respect for you and house rules either.

Seriously, I'd tell them they can do the school activity you have planned in a structured way and do it w/o whining and w/o a bad attitude or they can go clean their rooms. If they choose to go to their rooms, I'd let them know you will be up in an hr or 2 to see if it's clean and I'd tell them - just leave out any of the stuff you want to get rid of and we'll donate it. Then I'd go put it in garbage bags and donate it if it weren't put away an hr or so later.

I'm assuming your kids are a bit older??? I didn't see ages....

First give yourself a break - then come up with some plans. Gentle discipline does not mean putting up with disrespect and bad attitudes all day long. That's permissive to me, gentle w/o the discipline. Maybe those ideas I listed won't work depending on your kid and how old they are, but it does sound to me like they need some sort of natural/logical consequences to motivate them.

[Super Glue Mommy]

(hugs)

sounds like you are having a really tough day I have had some days like that myself. its really hard to get out of it sometimes...

[Starr]

I think a break outside the home would do you good but I personally would not recommend a walk : It is freezing out! Is there an indoor play center where you can unleash the kids and I'm guessing their built up energy from staying ondoors? Olivia is bouncing off the walls and with the weather there isn't a lot of options. Sending hugs your way!

[Mama~Love]

I'd come rescue you if I lived nearby . I feel that way myself sometimes .

We could ditch all of our kids with the DH's and just go sit somewhere QUIET!

[Eben'sMama]

I completely know where you are coming from. My DH is usually very supportive, but there times when I want to boot him out of here--if I'm going to have to do almost everything by myself, why not just be alone? That way, at least I wouldn't have the disappointment of having him drop the ball/forget/let me down. There are days when I think about just driving away and never looking back.

[AngelBee]

My kids are little :

Ds9, dd7, ds4, dd2, and Baby #5 coming April 09

I am so ashamed to feel this way right now

Another issue: We are in the process of remodeling/reassigning rooms and such so NO ONE has a room or private space right now.

I could use clothes baskets though and fill with "their stuff" to clean.