Approaching MIL about food issues - Page 2

[dawncayden]

My mom watches ds once a week and I don't see any problem asking how things went (how he was, how much nap, what he ate) I especially want to find out what he ate so I know the kind of dinner he needs. If he just filled up on crackers and humus which he sometimes does, I know I need to make a dinner with lots of veggies.

In response to the pp who thinks its strange to send a snack...Its something I always do but it may be because ds is allergic to wheat and dairy, so I'm used to sending him with items that people might not have, like rice crackers and alternative cheese. I also know what ds likes and doesn't and I don't want anyone to be a short order cook for him. Also its nice if you want to go out to have a snack already made. I guess I also look at it as you are getting free childcare and it is a nice gesture to make it easier on them.

[pinksprklybarefoot]

To combine two of the suggestions, I would say that his ped requested a two week food log or something like that because of the results of a blood draw. He's fine, but the dr would like to look at what he has been eating.

That way you get your info without being confrontational (plus it makes it sound like the dr wants to see what *you* have been feeding him, too). Based on the info you glean from the log, make your "dr's recommendations" from there (food intolerances, need for better nutrition, whathaveyou).

It does make things complicated and I don't want to advocate lying, but in the end it might be better to spare your MIL's feelings and risk getting nowhere with "I just don't want him to eat mac n cheese 3x/week").

[mrspineau]

Originally Posted by MeadowAndColtsMama

I'm not trying to pick on you and I also have kids, 8, 2, and due again in a couple weeks. But honestly, I think it's very strange that you are sending a lunch to Grandma's house! I can't believe no one has mentioned that. I think my parents, and my in-laws would be SO offended be the implication that they wouldn't know how or what to feed a 2 year-old,

However, this woman obviously is a bit confused about what to feed a two year old.

[paquerette]

I think that even here we all have different threshholds for appropriate. I would have spit nails if anyone had given my two year old a bite of McD's, but I don't have an issue with 3x weekly mac and cheese, as long as it's a good quality whole grain mac, organic cheese, with no funky additives. So it's a good idea to figure out what exactly your standards are and what's the hill you're willing to die on, which is what it sounds like you're trying to do. I think the 2 week food log would help a lot.

[Biscuits & Gravy]

I am going through similar issues right now. We are living with my mom for a few weeks and food battles have become an issue. I stock our fridge and pantry with healthy snacks. She stocks hers with junk for DS, and he knows exactly where it is. I buy organic, whole grain options and her stuff is filled with HFCS and sugar. She brought him a donut the other day and told him about it before asking me if it was okay. He had never had a donut. I told H and he was pi$$ed, as was I, but she had already given it to him in front of me. So while she was at work the other day DS and I had a conversation about healthy choices. I told him that treats are okay sometimes, but we need to eat healthy food first. He had a great day of eating, asking me "Is this healthy food, mommy?" and then she walked in the door with a box of cookies. I told her that the junk is an issue, and I'm dealing with the result of it. His behavior is proof.

I have no advice, but I know how you feel. It is frustrating, especially when it makes you look like a bad guy or not as fun as grandma because McD's isn't offered.

[MommytoTwo]

I would explain about the weight issues, if she interrupts just let her talk and nod and then keep on going. (My MIL is the same) Say that you are so appreciatve and grateful etc etc but your childs health and diet are so important that you think you need to talk about it. Also point out maybe that its not ok for g'parents to spoil when they watch a child regularly, as opposed to the g'parents who see a child 2x a year.

[Clairesoula]

Thanks all, I tried to post last week when I picked him up, but I got logged off and lost the post. I just told her that I just really wanted to have some idea what he was eating and that I'd really like it if we could just check in about it at the end of the day like we do about naps. Both Grandparents were uptight at first, but I think they were relieved that my "demand" was to check in. They immediately started spouting off everything he had to eat that day....2 clemintines, 1 1/2 bananas some cherrios, a bowl of Mac N Cheese. I figure if I see some patterns I don't like after a couple weeks of checking in, I'll at least be intelligent when I make additional requests.
As far as sending food with him, I figure I'm getting free child care and that's huge. I don't want to impose. If I was just sending him occasionally, I don't know if I'd send the food. Also, partly, it's what I've always done. Just like I sent pumped milk and diapers with him when he was a baby and then baby food and now the food he needs for the day. I don't bring separate food for him when we go over for family brunch or anything. I actually wouldn't mind so much if he just ate whatever they were already eating. They don't have a "bad" diet in general, but I doubt if it were just them, that they'd choose to eat Mac N Cheese 4 times in one week KWIM?
We'll just try the check in for a while and see how it goes.
Anyway, thanks for all the advice. It is helpful to read through it all and find really what the core issues are for me and what I really want.

[TCMoulton]

Originally Posted by mrspineau

However, this woman obviously is a bit confused about what to feed a two year old.

What did the OP say that made you believe that the grandparents are confused regarding what to feed a 2 year old? Mac n cheese seems pretty okay, a favorite of many little ones, and it can be quite healthy. It's not as if they are filling him with deep fried pork rinds and pixie sticks. An occasional bowl of mac n cheese will not permanently damage a child.

[bluebirdiemama]

Im sorry I dont have any good ideas for you but I do really feel for you in this situation. Food is my biggest concern with my ds who is almost 2.
If I were in your situation I would tell her point blank, If you cant feed my child the way I want him fed, he's not staying with you.
I agree that you need to start good eating habits from the start. I have a lot of friends who started teaching their kids to eat not very well, and they severely regret it.

[bluebirdiemama]

Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot

To combine two of the suggestions, I would say that his ped requested a two week food log or something like that because of the results of a blood draw. He's fine, but the dr would like to look at what he has been eating.

That way you get your info without being confrontational (plus it makes it sound like the dr wants to see what *you* have been feeding him, too). Based on the info you glean from the log, make your "dr's recommendations" from there (food intolerances, need for better nutrition, whathaveyou).

It does make things complicated and I don't want to advocate lying, but in the end it might be better to spare your MIL's feelings and risk getting nowhere with "I just don't want him to eat mac n cheese 3x/week").

What a great idea. Thanks, in case I have to use this in the future