My son was 5 months old yesterday. Sometimes I think that I am starting to suffer from Postpartum Depression and sometimes I think it is the lack of sleep and support that is driving me crazy.
I have a history of Clinical Depression but I was hoping to avoid it this time. Having a preemie at 29w 6d has its own problems and fears that many will never visit. Somehow I got through the preterm labour and 58 day NICU stay at three different hospitals. The professionals watched me carefully.
Now we been at home for the last three months. I have not slept even one. My son has not mastered breastfeeding so I pump, and pump, and pump, and sometimes we breasfeed. I want to give him something from myself. Maybe I am putting too much pressure on my self. He is starting to out eat my production so I pump even when he sleeps, sometimes every 2 hours. I was hoping to last until he is 6 months, at least.
I have always wanted a family and had high expectations. I assumed that the home would be clean and dinner would be on the table each night. Sometimes I cannot manage to wash the dishes. So my husband does it after a hard day at work. Then I begin to think that he does not love me since I cannot do it all.
I wanted to take my son to play groups and mom and baby boot camp to loose the weight. He did not get the RSV shot so we are to stay away from others. We would also have to take the bus there. I have not driven the car in a while so that makes me anxious even when I have access to it. But I am trying to get over the fear.
It was snowing here for 3 weeks straight. Our city was not prepared for it so the sidewalks were not cleared. We stayed inside for almost one month since he cannot walk on the roads.
I am fighting with my mom. She always has unrealistic expectations of me. She expects us at dinner even if I am exhausted or do not feel well. She cannot believe that my family does not cheer me up. But I do not want to talk about my problems to them so I prefer to be by myself. She then compares her life at my age to mine. Who said I am comparing? I know that some others have it better and others have it worse. She cannot believe that I accept advice from others on the internet. Should I ask my husband, who has never knitted a sweater, how to knit? NO!
The other close person to me, my aunt, said some very hurtful things and feels like she needs to give me advice. This advice comes from the way that her daughter in law manages her newborn. Her son was a term baby and drinks formula! I feel like I have nothing to talk to her about anymore since I feel criticised and hurt. I know that these people mean well and maybe I am sensitive because I am sleep derpived.
Do any of you have any experiences that you wish to share? I feel very alone and even my husband cannot seem to understand although he is very supportive. Thank you in advance.
I have a history of Clinical Depression but I was hoping to avoid it this time. Having a preemie at 29w 6d has its own problems and fears that many will never visit. Somehow I got through the preterm labour and 58 day NICU stay at three different hospitals. The professionals watched me carefully.
Now we been at home for the last three months. I have not slept even one. My son has not mastered breastfeeding so I pump, and pump, and pump, and sometimes we breasfeed. I want to give him something from myself. Maybe I am putting too much pressure on my self. He is starting to out eat my production so I pump even when he sleeps, sometimes every 2 hours. I was hoping to last until he is 6 months, at least.
I have always wanted a family and had high expectations. I assumed that the home would be clean and dinner would be on the table each night. Sometimes I cannot manage to wash the dishes. So my husband does it after a hard day at work. Then I begin to think that he does not love me since I cannot do it all.
I wanted to take my son to play groups and mom and baby boot camp to loose the weight. He did not get the RSV shot so we are to stay away from others. We would also have to take the bus there. I have not driven the car in a while so that makes me anxious even when I have access to it. But I am trying to get over the fear.
It was snowing here for 3 weeks straight. Our city was not prepared for it so the sidewalks were not cleared. We stayed inside for almost one month since he cannot walk on the roads.
I am fighting with my mom. She always has unrealistic expectations of me. She expects us at dinner even if I am exhausted or do not feel well. She cannot believe that my family does not cheer me up. But I do not want to talk about my problems to them so I prefer to be by myself. She then compares her life at my age to mine. Who said I am comparing? I know that some others have it better and others have it worse. She cannot believe that I accept advice from others on the internet. Should I ask my husband, who has never knitted a sweater, how to knit? NO!
The other close person to me, my aunt, said some very hurtful things and feels like she needs to give me advice. This advice comes from the way that her daughter in law manages her newborn. Her son was a term baby and drinks formula! I feel like I have nothing to talk to her about anymore since I feel criticised and hurt. I know that these people mean well and maybe I am sensitive because I am sleep derpived.
Do any of you have any experiences that you wish to share? I feel very alone and even my husband cannot seem to understand although he is very supportive. Thank you in advance.
I wanted to reply tonight to let you know that I totally know where you are coming from and am sending good thoughts your way. I'm nursing at the keyboard right now trying to get my daughter to sleep; I'll try to post something a bit more thorough tomorrow. Hang in there!!
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