Preemie moms & Postpartum Depression - Page 2

[sbrinton]

My son, Zephan, is 2 months old. He was born at 31 weeks after pprom at 29 and a lot of preterm labor before that. Looking back on my time on bed rest, I can now see that I was really struggling with depression near the end. I was so tired of bed rest, so tired of missing my husband and older kids, so tired of being in the hospital on terrible medicines, tired of no one understanding...I just wanted to give up.

I thought it would get better after Zephan was born. Most of the time he was in the NICU we were really numb, just trying to survive. When he came home about a month ago, again I thought it would get better. Then we had the same 3 weeks of snow (I'm in Seattle!). Some days I feel okay, other days I feel really down.

At this point, I'm trying to practice good self care to avoid needing medication. I'm trying to sleep enough (we're accidental co-sleepers for now, but at least everyone is sleeping!) and to eat well. Keep taking prenatal vitamins and consider adding fish oil.

The hardest thing is dealing with anger with my husband. This whole thing has been sooo hard on our marriage. Some days I feel like we're done - I feel very hopeless that things will change. I think the anger stuff is actually a symptom of depression.

I hope you are having a few sunny days up there like we are here in Seattle. Today we got busy and cleaned out the garage while our older boys rode bikes and scooters outside in the sun. Cleaning felt very healing. After a shower and a second latte for the day, I'm feeling like I can face a few more days.

[foodislove]

Although Jack was full-term and never stayed in the NICU, he was born at 5.5 lbs with a heart condition and has had a slew of feeding issues, growth issues, skin problems, etc. I look around on this board because I often feel like I am going through an experience more related to the preemie mommies than the "normal" baby mommies. I couldn't pass up this thread.

I feel depressed and anxious so much. I think anyone who has watched their child suffer, and worries for their child's ability to thrive must feel anxious. So I am not sure if this really qualifies as post-partum. Like you, we have no help here. I am 1000 miles away from my family. So all of the hospital stays, dr visits, new meds introduction, rashes, endless crying and lack of weight gain are a HUGE stress that no one is around to share.

I used to think that I SHOULD be able to handle this, and so something must be wrong, that it is impacting me so much. But, I also feel like historically people raised babies in groups, and therefore, there was support. It is nice to come online and have support, but it certainly isn't the same as someone to go to a drs appt with you.

You are not alone! It's winter here too. We got 18 inches of snow yesterday and same thing....can't go outside, can't expose to illness, which means I can't really get alot of exercise (which is my stress relief). It's REALLY hard. I feel your pain!

[henriksmom]

It is comforting to know that others are in the same boat. Not the one that we purchased tickets for and sometimes it feels like it may be sinking.

It was a difficult thread to start since it is not always talked about. Also, it is like admitting failure when you say that you cannot manage or need help. I feel guilty for having these feelings since this is not how it is supposed to be. Others have no clue.

[chriscraven30]

I have been struggling with the guilt and the sadness for all that we lost out on, all that didnt go as planned or dreamed. Our son was born at 28 wks and we spent 4 months in the NICU and have been home for just over a month. He continues to have medical issues and I feel so isolated. Of course winter doesnt help and not being able to go out becuase of his weakened immune system complicate the feelings. People think once you get home with your baby, no matter how long you were in the hospital, that all is good. I feel like I need to process, to grieve, to vent but feel as though I only come up against judgement or people saying the wrong thing while meaning well. It is very frustrating. So it is helpful to see other preemie moms can relate.
I am considering couseling but am nervous, I dont think I can handle too many more cliched responses.
:Chris, mom of Sierra,10, Seneca, 7, Savannah, 4 and Caleb born on 8/18/08 at 28 wks 1 day.

[waldenmommy]

Having a preemie is hard and totally different than a full term baby. I find that even now, two months later with my late term preemie, I have different expectations than other mothers. While I can change a cloth diaper in my sleep and know how to wash them, what gets the BM smell out of nursing bras, etc, I had to learn how to nurse, etc again. I also had to change the expectations of myself too.

G is nursing 100 per cent now unless I leave him with a bottle. However, I pumped, nursed and pumped, and then nursed, pumped and bottle fed. I like bfing, I can bf and I have the supply to do so. However, he wasn't gaining weight. It was about a month after his birth, and around his due date, that he was finally gaining weight enough to not go every three days to the drs. (Three kids. To the drs. During cold and flu season with a baby who had respirtory problems at birth! AHHHHHH! Torture!) I seriously considered giving up and pumping straight. I really had to wrestle with how I wanted to feed my child even though I nursed the others past one (15 and 21 months, respectivly). I had to remind myself that I was doing my best for my whole family (would my older children suffer if I was glued to the pump every two hours, not being able to help them? How would be go places if I needed to hid in the care to pump? How could I control them nursing a tiny baby with a nipple shield at mall play areas? Was this all fair to THEM?) Just because I nursed didn't mean I was a good mom and formula feeding didn't mean I was a bad mom either.

I too have a history of PPD, which my FP knew about. I sought treatment at 3 weeks PP, using natural progestrone shots instead of meds. I have, however, used meds before and they are safe for nursing. I figure my children NEED a happy, healthy, emotional stable mother and if it took some daily meds to do it, so be it.

My local AP group had lots of preemie moms and they gave me loads of support. I also sought out a LLL group in my area. It is a nighttime group so there are lots of little babies but few big kids. Is there one in your area? You could call a leader, explain your situation and ask if there are school age children around. Mostly people are very understanding about this. I also have friends from a SAHMs group. If there is one in your area, you might want to take a look-see. Some take place during the day, where there are less big kids. If you wear your baby, you might find people admire from afar instead of getting in your babes face. (My experience. We were at a local children's musem and a grimy toddler walked right up to my baby and rubbed his face. Now, I have grimy toddlers myself but I wanted to scream, "GET YOUR GERM RIDDEN KID OFF MY FRAGILE PREEMIE!" I didn't though. I just smiled and picked him up. And resisted the urge to wash his face with wipes!)

Do you not want to do the RSV vax or does he not qualify? Ask- it sounds like he might. The RSV vaccine is different from the "normal" ones- passive immunity vs active, I think. Check the dr. sears preemie book, as it has a good explaination. G has it, and it has given me an extra boost of confidence to leave the house, something I needed to do for my own sanity.

You are going through a tough time; the NICU was the hardest thing I have ever done as a parent. Please don't listen to others comparing their full term babies to yours. He is his own special, wonderful person who will develop at his own wonderful pace.

[chriscraven30]

He is getting the synagis vaccine, it has taken a while to get approved. And I am in several moms groups in my area but I am on hiatus until he gets bigger. He has trachea issues so any cold would be life threatening. And two of my daughters had RSV as infants so I am not taking any chances. We go to the doctor's offices (in my wrap) and that is it for now.
As far as breastfeeding, my milk supply never came in with him, I guess because he was born so early and I was on mag sulf. He was able to get my colustrum and then donor milk the entire time we were in the hospital but is now on preemie formula.
Yes having a preemie is so different than having a full term and I wish I could make others see that. Thanks for your advice.
Chris, mom of four precious children.

[waldenmommy]

Yeah, it took awhile to get approved for us too. Then the company called and I had to give verbal premission for them to send it to the dr. What was I going to say, no?! I think I actually said, "HE LL yes, send it!" Lol.

I wonder if there are/si any such thing as preemie parenting groups? Like MOMS Clubs but only for mothers who had preemies? Sure could use one.

[Le Bec]

Do you mean like online or in real life?

[waldenmommy]

IRL. This is the only one I have found on-line.

[Le Bec]

No, there really aren't many premmie groups online. IRL though, have you thought about posting a flyer at your hospital or at the maternal and child health centers?

[waldenmommy]

No. I was thinking of starting a Yahoo group for all the parents, babies (current and graduates) of the NICU where we were. I also am trying to get together things like ring slings (nurses told me they need them), etc for the NICU but we are in the process of moving and selling our house.