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I want to call CPS on my ILs

post #1 of 135
Thread Starter 
Here's a list of why I would call CPS on my ILs...

-they introduced food at 3 months to both kids, one is 3 1/2, one 9 months
-3 1/2 y/o has severe asthma and allergies, and they forget his meds more often than he actually gets them (he goes to the ER at least once a month for a severe asthma/allergy attack)
-they take him many places that make his allergies/asthma act up, knowing in advance this will happen, but do it anyway (example: to people's homes with pets/outdoor mold issues)
-the 9 month old was fed the following at Xmas dinner: lemon meringue pie, mashed potatoes made with cream and butter with gravy on them, hawaiian punch from a sippy cup, chocolate chip cookies, cake, and not a single bottle of formula for the 8 hours that we were there
-the 3 1/2 year old is often left alone in the bath tub with the bathroom door shut while they go downstairs/outside for a few minutes/to another room
-he has gotten on the lawn mower, started it up, and driven it across the yard by himself (all of this unsupervised until they saw him zipping across the back yard as they were in the front)
-he recently jumped off a 2nd story balcony (they were having a party downstairs and didn't notice he had left the room)
-he is often hit, slapped, screamed at, pulled around by his hair
-he is always ridiculed when he has an "accident"
-they rarely use a car seat for either child in their minivan
-sometimes they will come over to visit at 4 pm, and the 3 1/2 year old will still not have been fed ALL DAY, or will have only had bottles (up to 5 in one day) of cow's milk
-the 9 month old has fallen down the stairs at least 3 times
-3 1/2 year old is left to play outside, by himself, no supervision or even an eye on him from a window. they live on a busy street and do not have a fence.
-regular meals are almost always eaten (for all of the family) at fast food restaurants (McDonald's, pizza shops), a typical meal is a burger, french fries, and a milkshake (this is for both children, they each get their own kids meal)
-the children watch anything and everything on t.v., the 3 1/2 year old swears in almost every sentence
-he still uses a pacifier, and his chin is always red, irritated, and sometimes raw from the constant drool
-he doesn't like to have his hair washed in the bath tub, and so it never gets done

I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting. What would you do? We don't have a relationship with them (wonder why?) and I'm pretty sure if I report them I can remain anonymous (and if I couldn't I would do it anyway).

We've tried talking to them, they don't think they do anything wrong. We have tried talking to others in the family, and nobody seems to care. They know that the children are in obvious danger, but no one wants to be the "bad guy" and do anything about it.
post #2 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by leosmommy View Post
Here's a list of why I would call CPS on my ILs...

-they introduced food at 3 months to both kids, one is 3 1/2, one 9 months
-3 1/2 y/o has severe asthma and allergies, and they forget his meds more often than he actually gets them (he goes to the ER at least once a month for a severe asthma/allergy attack)
-they take him many places that make his allergies/asthma act up, knowing in advance this will happen, but do it anyway (example: to people's homes with pets/outdoor mold issues)

-the 9 month old was fed the following at Xmas dinner: lemon meringue pie, mashed potatoes made with cream and butter with gravy on them, hawaiian punch from a sippy cup, chocolate chip cookies, cake, and not a single bottle of formula for the 8 hours that we were there
-the 3 1/2 year old is often left alone in the bath tub with the bathroom door shut while they go downstairs/outside for a few minutes/to another room
-he has gotten on the lawn mower, started it up, and driven it across the yard by himself (all of this unsupervised until they saw him zipping across the back yard as they were in the front)
-he recently jumped off a 2nd story balcony (they were having a party downstairs and didn't notice he had left the room)
-he is often hit, slapped, screamed at, pulled around by his hair

-he is always ridiculed when he has an "accident"
-they rarely use a car seat for either child in their minivan
-sometimes they will come over to visit at 4 pm, and the 3 1/2 year old will still not have been fed ALL DAY, or will have only had bottles (up to 5 in one day) of cow's milk
-the 9 month old has fallen down the stairs at least 3 times
-3 1/2 year old is left to play outside, by himself, no supervision or even an eye on him from a window. they live on a busy street and do not have a fence.

-regular meals are almost always eaten (for all of the family) at fast food restaurants (McDonald's, pizza shops), a typical meal is a burger, french fries, and a milkshake (this is for both children, they each get their own kids meal)
-the children watch anything and everything on t.v., the 3 1/2 year old swears in almost every sentence
-he still uses a pacifier, and his chin is always red, irritated, and sometimes raw from the constant drool
-he doesn't like to have his hair washed in the bath tub, and so it never gets done

I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting. What would you do? We don't have a relationship with them (wonder why?) and I'm pretty sure if I report them I can remain anonymous (and if I couldn't I would do it anyway).

We've tried talking to them, they don't think they do anything wrong. We have tried talking to others in the family, and nobody seems to care. They know that the children are in obvious danger, but no one wants to be the "bad guy" and do anything about it.
I bolded the things that, from my understanding, would be within the jurisdiction of CPS's concern. The un-bolded things might be unpleasant parenting, but would probably not be considered neglect or abuse. (From my lay-person's understanding; I used to be a mandated reporter and so did DH when we were teaching school, so that's the level of knowledge I have.) Actually with the car seat thing, you might also get somewhere with the police as well; but that very much depends on their state and city.
post #3 of 135
To me the only things warrented for a CPS call in that loong list is the bath tub thing and the riding lawn mower thing. and the physical abuse, the rest just makes it seems like your on a mission to get the kids out of there, cps will see that too.

CPS will not go look into things because someone thinks they don't feed baby right.

and remember that just because they say it is anonymous doesn't mean it is. I onced called on someone for some very bad abuse going on, and it was suppose to be anonymous well it wasn't.
post #4 of 135
Unfortunately, a lot of the food issues are non-issues. I don't think it's against the law to feed your kid crap.

So, if you do call CPS, stick to the issues of neglect (leaving him alone in the tub, to jump off the balcony, not feeding him, not washing his hair (though I have to say, my dd's hair gets washed about every 2 weeks - it's dry, her skin is dry and we're all happier with a brush every day and a wash infrequently), and abuse (dragging him by his hair).

The other question is: What do you want to happen? Do you want someone to force them to take parenting classes? The kids removed? A personality transplant? (Ok, so the latter is a bit extreme!)

If they really are dragging the poor kids by the hair, not using carseats and generally neglecting the kids, yes, I'd call. But I'm probably in a minority here.
post #5 of 135
Just to clarify, I myself WOULD call CPS in the situation you describe. But I would stick to the bolded parts (which are basically the non-food-related parts) in my report.
post #6 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolar2 View Post
Just to clarify, I myself WOULD call CPS in the situation you describe. But I would stick to the bolded parts (which are basically the non-food-related parts) in my report.

:
post #7 of 135
I think mashed potatoes with cream and gravy is an excellent food for a 9 month old.

There are some things in your list that bring up real concern, but some are just lifestyle choices that others may see as fine.
post #8 of 135
Keep all the fluff out. Feeding a 3 month old solids hardly warrants a CPS call. Exposing kids to allergens would be extremely hard to prove, and I'm not sure they could even do anything about it.

You can remain anonymous, but you will not get updates. If you choose to reveal your identity, then they will/can give you updates. If your willing to take the kids in for at least a short period of time, you'd have to reveal your identity, or call back later after a case has been opened.
post #9 of 135
I would butt out. Very little on your list is even outside the "norm" in most places.

-Angela
post #10 of 135
oops. wrong click.
post #11 of 135
Stick with the bolded parts, and make the report clear and concise. The repeated incidents of neglect as well as the physical abuse need emphasized. Stick with things you have seen and things the parents have told you- don't go on about things other people have told you or things that are assumed.
post #12 of 135
A great deal of it isn't worth of CPS involvement. Stick with the real issues.
post #13 of 135
Moved to Parenting.

This is an advance reminder to keep this thread within the MDC User Agreement. Any UAV's may result in the removal of this thread.
post #14 of 135
Constant exposure to allergens and not using his meds (they could check how often they've been refilled i.e daily meds not refilled for 4 months and still half in the bottle ) Is medical neglect. The food issues CPS won't care about. But jumping of the balcony, riding the mower, bathing alone, dirty, abuse. They may do a welfare check.
post #15 of 135
I would really think long and hard about weather their lifestyle choices really warrant CPS. Would those children benefit from being taken away from their parents and put into a foster system...being separated? Given to a abusive foster home, or a loving foster home with abusive foster children? (im not saying that these are the only options of foster care or the outcome of the CPS investigation, i just think its something to consider and a high likley rate that one of these scenarios will be reality of the children are indeed taken out of the home)

I am a firm believer that children should stay with their parents in most cases. I think that maybe you should try to give the parents the resources that they need to make healthier and safer choices.

The only things i see a really big issue with are the physical abuse, and leaving thier child outside alone, and the no car seat.
post #16 of 135
The bathtub one scares the hell out of me, but I say go with your gut and stick to the obvious (car seat, abuse, bathtub, balcony fall, dirty).

Would you be willing to care for these children?
post #17 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I would butt out. Very little on your list is even outside the "norm" in most places.

-Angela

I totally agree.
post #18 of 135
I too would like to know what you hope to accomplish by calling CPS. Do you want the kids to be removed? Do you hope to see your IL's get in trouble so they will shape up?

I agree with all of the PP's that there are MAYBE two things on your list that CPS would even care about. If CPS in your area is slow, it MIGHT initiate a welfare check, but if they go out there and see nothing blatantly wrong, they are going to write you off as a person with a family vendetta.
post #19 of 135
You would CALL CPS over feeding a 3 month old solids? For real? Why?
post #20 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolar2 View Post
I bolded the things that, from my understanding, would be within the jurisdiction of CPS's concern. The un-bolded things might be unpleasant parenting, but would probably not be considered neglect or abuse. (From my lay-person's understanding; I used to be a mandated reporter and so did DH when we were teaching school, so that's the level of knowledge I have.) Actually with the car seat thing, you might also get somewhere with the police as well; but that very much depends on their state and city.
stick with what the above poster bolded. Everything else is not something worthy of CPS. Most of the rest is just differeing ideas of parenting.
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