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I want to call CPS on my ILs - Page 7

post #121 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by leosmommy View Post
I think I'm going to stop coming to MDC because this whole mess and how I'm being personally attacked is very upsetting.
i wonder when people are going to learn a little compassion and a little less judgment in the hopes that this type of thing doesn't keep happening.

to the op, i absolutely think you are doing the right thing by calling. i sure hope our society isn't becoming the type that will watch these types of behaviours and write it off as "normal" because it's not and it shouldn't be.
post #122 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by leosmommy View Post
I am going to call tomorrow while I'm at school on my lunch break.
Thank you. You've posted enough things that I hope they get some help. It takes courage to step up like this.
post #123 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by leosmommy View Post
I am going to call tomorrow while I'm at school on my lunch break. Even though we have broken all ties/communications with my ILs in the past few weeks (due to many reasons, mostly them calling us out for our AP and saying we are harming DS with CLW, delaying solids, co-sleeping ) I have just learned that SIL is 4 months pregnant...they are already calling it "mistake #3" :

I'll remain anonymous. DH said he "doesn't want to know/hear about it if I do call" so that he won't have to lie to his mom if she calls and asks him if I'm the one who called CPS. He'll just say "I don't know what my DW does when I'm not with her". He doesn't want to be caught in the crossfire. I understand that.

Thank you everyone for giving me the courage to do this!
Good for you, if nothing else maybe it'll be a kick the pants and they'll be more carefull with the kids and give the meds they should.
post #124 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCR View Post
Good for you, if nothing else maybe it'll be a kick the pants and they'll be more carefull with the kids and give the meds they should.

I agree. Maybe if they realize that the state is involved, it will be a wake-up call for them. Hopefully at the very least they will have to have some sort of mandated parenting classes, although I'm not sure what those entail.

I personally think you are making the right decision. The hitting/slapping/scolding for accidents/no meds even though they have ins that could get them for free, etc are red flags for me personally.
post #125 of 135
Good for you. You're doing the right thing.
post #126 of 135
Thread Starter 
I called and gave a report. I asked to remain confidential but not anonymous.

We aren't in a position to take these kids in...in a few years, yes, but not right now.

CPS said they'd pass the info on, then go from there. Probably make a visit and try and educate the parents a little.

Hopefully things will get better for them :
post #127 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by leosmommy View Post
I'm sure both kids are severely malnourished...anemic, vitamin deficienies, low albumin. They don't ever look or act healthy. The 9 month old (who is almost the same age as our DS) is very behind in her development. Doesn't sit up yet, doesn't crawl, no teeth, doesn't self feed at all, she can't even roll over with any consistency.
Not trying to make you feel bad but I wanted to point out that a nine month old w/o teeth is not bizarre, bad, or a sign of being behind in development. My dentist has told me several times that the later my kids get teeth the better. Just wanted you to be informed of that.
post #128 of 135
to you leosmommy, I think you did the right thing. I wouldn't have been able to stand by and do nothing either. Try not to take it personally when people react harshly, I think CPS threads get tense pretty easily at the best of times.
post #129 of 135
I have a very good friend who grew up in a very abusive home (physically, emotionally and verbally) and we have talked at length about how CPS would have changed her life. It was her opinion that she is glad that CPS was never involved. She sounds like she had a terrible experience and it's affected the rest of her life, but she would rather have been abused by people she loved than been sent to live with strangers who could have done much worse.
If they know that CPS is watching them it's likely the physical abuse will stop, but that does nothing for the food or verbal/emotional abuse. It may even increase those.
I hope you find peace with your decision and that you stay current on the situation.
post #130 of 135
Wait, do you live with these people?
post #131 of 135
Late to this thread, but wanted to say good for you. If any physical abuse is even suspected, it is your DUTY to call and try to help those kids. I work in social work, and I know if CPS finds out someone knew children were being abused and didn't report it, that person can get in trouble for not reporting their suspicions.

I was raised in an abusive home, and then a part of the foster care system, and would have hands down rather be in a foster home than in an abusive home. Even being separated from my siblings. No child should be abused. Even if these children don't get taken from their parents, it can very likely be the kick in the arse the parents need to correct their ways (even a little bit). They will know there is someone out there that won't let them do wrong, they'll be on their toes, those children will benefit from it.
post #132 of 135
Any update?
post #133 of 135
Thread Starter 
no update. we don't live with them, and don't talk to them anymore. haven't heard anything from MIL about them recently.
post #134 of 135
how does ur dh feel about what's going on? He must be upset at not having any contact with his siblings
I hope those kids (and parents) get the help they need
It's hard calling CPS. I only ever did once and it was soo hard to do. But like some other posters, I was that abused child who wished someone would call and I could be taken somewhere safe.
post #135 of 135
I'm glad someone gave the OP some constructive and helpful advice in this situation! I'm late to the thread, but this was a very well laid out response with the best of intentions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sierra View Post
People have done a good job of helping you determine what is "CPS appropriate." I too would report the bolded information. If you can, try to remember some specific examples with dates or other details that will help the person taking the report.

As a foster mom (in a loving home where we don't have abusive older children-- a common type of foster home, especially among foster parents who take very young children), the one that I personally would give the most "air time" in my report is that the child is not consistently being fed. A child going hungry (that is, not being offered any food) until at least 4pm (might be later if child wasn't dropped off at your house?) is severe neglect. I am really shocked someone here considered this within the "norm."

So, in summary, you would be reporting:
1. Neglect (child not being fed, inconsistent and completely inadequate supervision, medical neglect in administration of meds, rare use of car seats)
2. Physical abuse (I would focus primarily on the child being dragged around by the hair unless you have seen bruises and other marks from the hitting, though you could mention the hitting too)
3. Emotional abuse (constant screaming)

Keep your report organized.

Assuming you will report, and I think it is well warranted, the exact response will vary by state (if you are in the U.S.) and even county. However, it will probably look something like this:

1. The person who takes the report over the phone will gather the details and then (usually in coordination with a supervisor) make a determination of whether an investigation is warranted.

2. If it is not warranted, they may choose to simply record the report but do nothing, or in some cases they will send the family a letter to serve as a type of warning.

3. If they do screen the call "in" for investigation, they will complete some type of check on the welfare of the children.

4. During the check on the children, a few things can happen:
  • They may decide at that point that the situation doesn't fit the abuse and neglect laws of your area. In this case, they will close the case within some short time period (a few days, a couple of weeks, or something like that). The record will show the concern as "unfounded."
  • They may decide that the situation doesn't fit the abuse and neglect laws of your area, but that the child is at significant enough risk that the case should remain open for a little while so they can monitor the situation and provide referrals, etc.
  • They may determine that the case is one of abuse and neglect, and will provide services and support while the children remain in the home and they monitor how things are going.
  • They may determine the case is one of abuse and neglect, and that there is an immediate danger to the children should they remain in the home. This may end up being very short-term. There are some kids who come into care for just a weekend-long period while the most immediate concerns get sorted out. Other times, kids remain in foster care for a longer period, but statistically, the majority return home within 6 months or less, and the vast, vast majority are returned by the one year mark. Meanwhile, the parents will receive services to support improvement in the areas of concern and will have visitations with the kids (#, length, and degree of supervision if any is determined by regional standards and the specifics of the case). If children are removed from a home, relative/kinship placements by law must be considered before "standard" foster care placements, though if the child is removed quickly, the child may go to a "standard" placement until a relative background check is completed.

It varies from area to area, but statistically, most calls to CPS do not result in even a temporary removal of children from their homes. The idea that a CPS call automatically means foster care is a misnomer. I've had kids come into my care who literally spent years prior in *horrendously* abusive or neglectful situations while multiple calls were made but didn't result in removal until finally during an investigation, something changed.

I don't know why it is important for you to ask yourself what your goal is in calling. The fact is, what you are describing is abuse and neglect, and the state will determine how bad it is and what that means for the future. You really have nothing to do with that. Most wrongful reports don't result in actions against the family, despite all the stuff on the internet from folks claiming their children are wrongfully in care (I know there are some folks honestly saying this, and I grieve for them, but some of the parents of foster kids I've had in my home were on the internet saying similar things when in fact they really were abusing and neglecting their children to the point that the child was very, very much in danger...knowing how often that has been true, I pay little mind to those stories).



Sounds like the OP feels she needs to report not based on one thing alone, but a collection of things...the bigger picture. I think there are enough very serious safety issues in her post that override any concern that she might be reporting for feeding alone. Clearly she is not.
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