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I want to call CPS on my ILs - Page 3

post #41 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I would butt out. Very little on your list is even outside the "norm" in most places.

-Angela
post #42 of 135
I would listen to Sierra's post. She knows what she's talking about.

And to some other posters-- I don't think the OP is being nitpicky and judgmental. I think her gut feeling is that these kids are in real danger, and so that knowledge makes her ultra-vigilant. I have been in this kind of situation before, taking much more note of what someone else's child's life is like than I might otherwise. I don't generally care or make much note of what other parents choose to do differently-- feed their babies solids at two months, that kind of thing-- but when my gut feeling tells me something is really wrong, that's when I pay attention and start taking notes.

I agree that some of the stuff on the list doesn't bug me at all-- letting the preschooler bathe alone-- not a big deal, depends on the situation/bathtub/child-- the pacifier and drooling-- not necessarily the parents' fault-- the raw chin is a side affect of the allergies and the pacifier is probably very comforting to the child. So I don't see that as an issue.

But I think that's why she didn't do/say anything 6 months ago, when they first started their three-month-old on solids-- because each little thing is not her real concern. Her real concern is the big picture here, and that something just feels really unsafe about the whole situation. Sometimes you have to type it all out to get a sense of the big picture for yourself, to help you work through your own feelings and examine the facts of the matter.
post #43 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
Oh, I see a problem with it. I see TONS of problems with it. But nothing she listed would shock people around here. People who live in the country let little kids 4-wheel... a lawn mower isn't going to shock them. Especially if it was a one time- oopsie thing. The food- norm. Yeah. I'm serious.

-Angela
I agree. I am from a small town in south TX and things like this happen all.the.time. 7 yrs ago when I was living there my friend was giving her 3 month old tastes of soda in a bottle!
post #44 of 135
I think I would call, but I would stick to the really bad issues.
The main one that stands out to me is the medical neglect of not giving him his medication.
And the physical abuse of pulling him around by his hair(have you accually seen them do this?, they will ask).
The no carseat really matters on where they live. This will either be seen as horrible or just as a so-so bad thing. Though it is illegal in all of the US, some regions just really don't care.
If the lawn mower is a reoccurring thing I would report it. If it is a one time oops, then don't bother.
When you call, they are going to want to know how much of this is first hand knowledge, and how much is not.
post #45 of 135
Quote:
is this really the norm? i am terribly sad for many children if this is true.
From my experience with at-risk children, just about everything on that list is mild. It's horrible, but true.

I think Sierra offered a great response.

I'm sorry you are witness to their neglect and abuse. It's an awful place to be.
post #46 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemon Juice View Post
I agree. I am from a small town in south TX and things like this happen all.the.time. 7 yrs ago when I was living there my friend was giving her 3 month old tastes of soda in a bottle!
Are you near me? I know a woman that was bragging about feeding her 2 week old mashed potatos! I see coke in baby bottles all the time.
post #47 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
Oh, I see a problem with it. I see TONS of problems with it. But nothing she listed would shock people around here. People who live in the country let little kids 4-wheel... a lawn mower isn't going to shock them. Especially if it was a one time- oopsie thing. The food- norm. Yeah. I'm serious.

-Angela
I agree 100 percent. It seems my organic, non-processed, no fast food, gentle discipline, not CIO, is looked upon as WEIRD, while what the OP is describing most people around where I live would look at you and say "And what is the problem?" Sad, but true.
post #48 of 135
Although it doesn't seem to be the case here, in other cases we would say that some of this might qualify as neglect out of poverty... Not feeding a child formula, introducing solids early (because its cheaper than formula), not giving medication, not feeding a child sufficient food or offering meals, not babyproofing stairs... For many families there are the reality of living in poverty and I'd hate for us to decide that being poor means deserving to have your children removed.

Like others, I think there are a few things on your list that would warrent further attention. But many are just different choices than you would make. Trying to convince CPS that they should take action because the 3 1/2 YO eats McDonalds isn't going to get you taken seriously. Focus on the well documented generally accepted as wrong stuff.
post #49 of 135
I would NOT call CPS. While I would never ever do any of those things listed I have to wonder which is worse... those things or potentially being separated from their parents. My parents didn't always put us in carseats and while I agree it's 100% dangerous I would have been devastated and scarred for life if I had to go into foster care because of it.
post #50 of 135
Quote:
You would CALL CPS over feeding a 3 month old solids? For real? Why?

Right? That was my first thought.
post #51 of 135
[QUOTE=Sierra;13001452] "There are some kids who come into care for just a weekend-long period while the most immediate concerns get sorted out. Other times, kids remain in foster care for a longer period, but statistically, the majority return home within 6 months or less, and the vast, vast majority are returned by the one year mark. "

I know that foster care outcome data, in terms of comprehensive nationwide numbers, is shockingly sparse and what is there is disparate, so I keep this in mind here, but the numbers I found were different from yours:

from the us dept of health and human services:

"the median across States of children entering foster care who were reunified in less than 12 months was only 38.7 percent and the 75th percentile was only 48.3 percent (measure C1.3). Thus, in at least 75 percent of the States, the majority of children who entered foster care in the last 6 months of 2004 were still in foster care 12 months later."

[://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/cwo05/chapters/chapter3.htm


and from a pbs frontline report:

"Average length of stay in foster care for those in the system in 2000: 33 months; the median is 20 months"

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontl...ide/stats.html


just wanted to point that out.
post #52 of 135
Y'know, chances are a call to CPS isn't going to make this situation any better. I know you stated that you no longer have a relationship with these people, but perhaps you may want to revisit that. If you did develop a relationship with them, then you'd be in a better position to truely help them - pointing out that you didn't want them to get in trouble with the police if they ever got pulled over simply because they weren't using the carseat or booster (heck, take the kid out and let him pick out a new one, they aren't very expensive for the basics, and that's better than nothing, then HE will be asking to use it as a reminder for them as well!). Also, you could offer to call them every day or set up a timer alarm to remind them to give him his medications. Are you sure it's not a money issue either? Meds can get prohibitively expensive for daily use. It's often been said that the best way to teach is through example, and showing them how a lack of violence can still get positive results may eventually get through. As for the other stuff, I'm sorry but a lot of it seems petty and simply the result of different parenting styles. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

K.
post #53 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolar2 View Post
Just to clarify, I myself WOULD call CPS in the situation you describe. But I would stick to the bolded parts (which are basically the non-food-related parts) in my report.
I agree with this.
post #54 of 135
I agree everything on that list is bad parenting - its not all considered abuse and neglect BY CPS STANDARDS though. But some of it may be. unfortunately I hear of parents getting away with a lot worse even when CPS is involved. Would you or any other family members be willing to take the children in if they were removed from that home? Foster care can sometimes be worse... which is kind of why I want to be a foster parent one day - one more safe home out there for kids to go to... but this is a tough situation. If they would do anything about it, I'd be calling CPS over a lot of things. I sometimes wish people would call CPS on people just so CPS can go check things out and maybe that would be a enough of a reality check/scare to get them to stop what they are doing. I wish someone had called CPS on my mom when I was growing up - she never physically abused me or "put me down" but she hit and she was still emotionally abusive in other ways..
post #55 of 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I would butt out. Very little on your list is even outside the "norm" in most places.
This.

Personally, I've done/I do a bunch of the things on your list . . . my kids were bathing alone at 3 1/2, they're allowed to watch whatever they want on tv, they swear, my daughter was certainly outside alone at that age with enough time to start up the lawn mower . . . never happened, but I suppose it could have.

It sounds like you think they're bad parents (and from a lot of the things on your list, I'd agree) but the odds of CPS or foster care making things better for the kids is virtually nil. Butt out.
post #56 of 135
I don't have time to find my source, as it is packed away in a box from a training I took somewhere, but it was a government source (perhaps on the old side though, probably from about six years ago). It indicated that the vast majority of kids did return home within a year. Given that I don't have the source to cite, I'll simply respond to your own source.

Quote:
Originally Posted by junipermoon View Post
from the us dept of health and human services:
"the median across States of children entering foster care who were reunified in less than 12 months was only 38.7 percent and the 75th percentile was only 48.3 percent (measure C1.3). Thus, in at least 75 percent of the States, the majority of children who entered foster care in the last 6 months of 2004 were still in foster care 12 months later."
From the same document:
"The 2005 data shown in table III-1 suggest that, in many States, a majority of children discharged to reunification were reunified in a timely manner. Across States, the median length of stay of children reunified was 6.8 months (measure C1.2), and the median percentage of reunifications occurring in less than 12 months was about 70 percent (measure 4.1 and C1.1)."

There are basically two different measures being used, which accounts for the difference in that particular document.

By the way, check out the total number of kids in care noted here: http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/s...ars/trends.htm. 496,000 at the end of a year is a very small number when you consider how many reports are likely made each month. Though a half a million is a lot, in total, it is fewer than 1% of all kids in the US (about 0.6%).
post #57 of 135
Quote:
Not using carseats is not a "parenting difference". It's illegal.
9month old yes, 3.5 year old it depends on where you live. Here as long as the child is over 40lbs it would not be illegal to have a 3.5year old with no carseat or booster. This is also not something I"d get CPS involved in, if they have a carseat I'd talk to the parents.

Quote:
Not feeding children is neglect, not a parenting difference (I'm leaving aside completely the issue of what is being fed).
the kids ARE being fed, just not when the op thinks they should be. Times of day kids are fed are parenting differences.

Quote:
Not giving a child needed medication, so that the child ends up constantly at the ER, is medical neglect, and in the case of asthma, life-threatening.
Can the parents afford the medication all the time? If they child was not given the meds but stayed out of the attack creating atmospheres would they have attacks? IF the child had the meds per dr's schedule is there any guarnatee that the child would not still have attacks & be in ER once a month? I don't consider it medical neglect.
post #58 of 135
Those of you who are bothered that the solids at 3 months were listed, note that was one thing amongst lots more that worried the OP. She is not saying she'd report for starting solids prematurely, just that it was one of many harmful things she saw going on.

I only see a handful of things there that would be taken seriously, but those certainly should be investigated:
Not giving the medication for life-threatening problems
Not feeding the kids anything
Not feeding an infant any formula
Not using carseats
Physical and verbal abuse

Maybe they'd shape up with the department breathing down their necks about it? Or maybe classes or help with groceries they could get hooked up with as a result of the investigation may help? I don't know.
post #59 of 135
the solids wouldn't even be on my list, personally, but yes, i would call CPS. they are (allegedly) neglecting him medically and physically.
post #60 of 135
Quote:
the kids ARE being fed, just not when the op thinks they should be. Times of day kids are fed are parenting differences.
How did you establish that?!

The OP didn't indicate that the children were being fed at alternate times, but rather that there were long stretches of time that they were not being fed (presumably they are awake, and probably even saying they are hungry, because they are drinking bottles of milk...I have known some parents of kids who ended up in care who would offer milk-- or worse-- to drink as an alternative to making the effort to actually feed the children when they said they were hungry).

Have you experienced hunger lately? I have, even just during an overnight fast, and milk doesn't cut the pain over the stretch once you get hungry, which could be why the kid is asking for bottles all day long (the OP did report the child might have five bottles before coming over at 4pm).
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