I want to call CPS on my ILs - Page 5

[claddaghmom]

I would not consider calling unless:

1) The behavior was consistent and frequent
2) The parents made it clear/obvious that they were not going to change, and/or offered up no indication of remorse

So a 3.5 made it outside and started up a mower. Why is this astonishing? I know of 13 month old kids who could unlock a car, climb in and put the key in the ignition. Kids are houdinis.

Now, if the kid was doing this regularly and the parents were laughing about it, that changes things.

What makes the list either picky or serious is consistency.

I can think of lots of situations....

What if the baby was on a feeding strike so the parents, in desparation/ignorance, fed the baby solids?

What if last night was a bad night, so everyone stayed up late and slept in late. You wake up at noon, a couple bottles later it's 4pm. How is that starvation and neglect??

The only two things I could pinpoint as inherently *wrong* would be pulling hair and not having the 9mo in a carseat.

[Dewberry]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

Unfortunately, a lot of the food issues are non-issues. I don't think it's against the law to feed your kid crap.

This! at least the kid is fed.
Also the pacifier and drool thing isn't against the law either.
The shampooing hair isn't a big deal either.
NEITHER is feeding your kids cow milk. Babies DO drink 5 bottles a day (sometimes more of breast milk so...

Good Luck- but you most likely would need proof or they'll have to find the proof they need, sadly. They made stick around for a while though and see what happens..who knows?!

[mamaduck]

Originally Posted by Anna's Lovey

Call. the "bad guys" are the ones who stand by and don't do anything.

I sort of feel this way too.

[Relynn]

I wish the family could see this thread and know their lives hang in the balance as a decision is made based on strangers on the internet say "Call CPS". yuck. I don't trust government agencies, at all. Its weird how many of you turn to the government to "help".

[lolar2]

The hitting and hair-pulling are the CPS-worthy parts. Also the medication-forgetting (if it really IS more often than they remember) for something life-threatening.

[K&JsMaMa]

What's stopping you?

eta: I've not read all the responses, so maybe this has been covered. But clearly there are signs of abuse. Why haven't you called?

[lovingmommyhood]

OP~ Maybe you could spend more time with the kids. Invite them over, take them to do fun things. That'd be an easy way to keep track of them without the disruption of CPS in their lives.

FWIW I saw in another thread that you & your child don't have a bed. That would be majorly frowned upon by CPS... that doesn't make it wrong.

[Luckiestgirl]

Someone I am close with had to call CPS on behalf of a child at her school (she's an educator). She called because of suspected physical abuse (frequent, nasty bruises on arms, and stories from the child.)

CPS temporarily removed the child from the home until the guardians underwent counseling. At that point, the child was returned.

While in foster care, the child was sexually abused by an older foster child in the home.

The person who called CPS is obviously pretty upset about this.

I agree that there are cases where CPS should be called, but I'm also realistic: there are far too many foster homes that are as dangerous as the home from which the child is removed to start with.

I don't want to start a debate; I know there are MANY WONDERFUL foster parents out there, many on these boards. But the kind of situation I mentioned is hardly isolated.

So I'd rethink what you want to come out of the situation, because there is always a chance the child will be removed from the home.

[BennyPai]

Originally Posted by mytwogirls

I agree 100 percent. It seems my organic, non-processed, no fast food, gentle discipline, not CIO, is looked upon as WEIRD, while what the OP is describing most people around where I live would look at you and say "And what is the problem?" Sad, but true.

I agree with this poster. THe feeding issues are really parenting differences.

The physical abuse and medication issues are should be addressed!

FWIW, I have had more than one child since 2005, and as vigilant as I try to be, accidents happen - repeatedly sometimes. When I had just one dd, there were far fewer accidents ...

OP - I'm sorry you have to witness the abuse. Have you discussed any of this with the parents?
ETA: I see where you mentioned talking with them - which issues did you discuss? Did you discuss the hitting?

[NewMama2007]

Ditto PP's - the food stuff won't be an issue to CPS. They will do nothing about poor nutritional choices (hello! Look at the rest of our country! Not a priority.).

CPS' job is to determine if child abuse/neglect is present. They rely upon reports to go out to the home and make that determination. If you feel that the child is in danger, call. It's confidential, you don't have to give your name. Just tell them what you know. They will determine if it is a situation that needs mediation. Maybe if there is an investigaion, the parents would step up a bit and change their "parenting" style.

[NewMama2007]

Originally Posted by Luckiestgirl

Someone I am close with had to call CPS on behalf of a child at her school (she's an educator). She called because of suspected physical abuse (frequent, nasty bruises on arms, and stories from the child.)

CPS temporarily removed the child from the home until the guardians underwent counseling. At that point, the child was returned.

While in foster care, the child was sexually abused by an older foster child in the home.

The person who called CPS is obviously pretty upset about this.

I agree that there are cases where CPS should be called, but I'm also realistic: there are far too many foster homes that are as dangerous as the home from which the child is removed to start with.

I don't want to start a debate; I know there are MANY WONDERFUL foster parents out there, many on these boards. But the kind of situation I mentioned is hardly isolated.

So I'd rethink what you want to come out of the situation, because there is always a chance the child will be removed from the home.

There is probably a pretty minute chance of that happening again.

There is always a chance the child will be removed - but in a case like this, where there is not likely to be evidence of physical harm, mediation is more likely. CPS is not there to steal children away from their parents - their utmost goal is family preservation. If anything, they would put in the care plan appropriate discipline, hygeine, etc. and follow up frequently until the issues are addressed. Leaving a child in a harmful enviornment is much more irresponsible than trying to do something for that child.

[meowee]

I see this thread is long, but...

If you're going to call CPS on the food issues, you might as well call CPS on the rest of America.

The supervision issues are serious.... especially the bathtub one. I am confused though, you said he doesn't take baths, so how is he left unsupervised in the tub?

[Maeve]

Personally, most of those are crappy, but not cps worthy. I would be concerned about the hitting and not being fed regularly (if you know for a fact that's happening).

But I would also take a very long, hard look at the feeling behind this. Are you sure it is as bad as it seems or are you letting your (obviously) negative feeling towards the parents cloud your perception.

[Amylcd]

-he is often hit, slapped, screamed at, pulled around by his hair
(THIS IS THE ONLY ONE REALLY CPS-WORTHY OUT OF THE WHOLE LIST)
-he is always ridiculed when he has an "accident"
(AGAIN I AGREE WITH YOU THAT IT IS BAD - BUT NOT CPS BAD)

I disagree. That is definitely "CPS BAD". Emotional abuse is just as bad (many times worse) than physical.

There are many things on the list that I do agree CPS would just laugh at... but there is definitely abusive behavior there too.

[momeg]

I'm so with you!

I wish the family could see this thread and know their lives hang in the balance as a decision is made based on strangers on the internet say "Call CPS". yuck. I don't trust government agencies, at all. Its weird how many of you turn to the government to "help".[/QUOTE]

Some other posters have mentioned (and I agree) that what is or is not considered abuse can be subjective. My yuppy friends consider co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding beyond infancy a form of abuse. My hippy friends feel CIO and allowing toddlers to watch TV abuse. I think they are all just a little too high up on their parental horses. I don't agree with a lot of parenting choices people make for their kids, but I would not bring the hellfire of Big Brother down on my family unless it was CLEARLY a dangerous situation.

[luv_my_babes]

Personally, I don't think that many of these are CPS worthy. If there is physical abuse, then for sure, yes, call.

The food issues are not just common to these parents... I know MANY people who let their children live off of junk food/fast food. Sure, its not healthy, but its not against the law, and we should not push our beliefs onto others.

[Murihiku]

Originally Posted by momeg

[I]My yuppy friends consider co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding beyond infancy a form of abuse. My hippy friends feel CIO and allowing toddlers to watch TV abuse.

This is a really good point.

What would both these sets of friends say about pulling a child around by his hair?

That's the detail that's been haunting me.

[NYCVeg]

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood

OP~ Maybe you could spend more time with the kids. Invite them over, take them to do fun things. That'd be an easy way to keep track of them without the disruption of CPS in their lives.

FWIW I saw in another thread that you & your child don't have a bed. That would be majorly frowned upon by CPS... that doesn't make it wrong.

But physical abuse IS wrong. Period. Endangering your child's life by withholding asthma medication and refusing to use a legally-mandated car seat regularly is also wrong. Period. The food issues are minor. We all get that. But people seem to be using the fact that the PP included some minor issues and using that to justify doing nothing when these kids are actually being abused (physical abuse, physical endangerment, medical neglect). That some people wouldn't like that the OP doesn't have a bed does not mean it's okay for her ILs to drag their children around by the hair, hit them, drive them around without carseats, or withhold their necessary medications. It just doesn't. People here are really missing the forest for the trees.

[PlayaMama]

Originally Posted by Kirsten

If you don't like them - and you clearly don't, just leave them be. I do feel sorry for your dp who will have a hard time having a relationship with his sibling over this. It is his sister or brother or ? What does he think of all this?

And also, do the kids seem ok? They aren't so heavy that they are unable to walk/run/play? They hug their parents? They live a life that mainstream America would find acceptable?

boy, nothing like a little snark to be helpful. i'm SO sorry that her dp will have trouble having a relationship with his il's because of her. i mean, that must be awful that he can't hang around with child-hair pulling il's because it upsets his wife.

i think the idea that because the kids hug their mom and dad that they aren't abused is a little absurd as well.

Originally Posted by NYCVeg

But physical abuse IS wrong. Period. Endangering your child's life by withholding asthma medication and refusing to use a legally-mandated car seat regularly is also wrong. Period. The food issues are minor. We all get that. But people seem to be using the fact that the PP included some minor issues and using that to justify doing nothing when these kids are actually being abused (physical abuse, physical endangerment, medical neglect). That some people wouldn't like that the OP doesn't have a bed does not mean it's okay for her ILs to drag their children around by the hair, hit them, drive them around without carseats, or withhold their necessary medications. It just doesn't. People here are really missing the forest for the trees.

bolding mine but i've got to say :

i'd probably call, even if they just pay a visit and discuss that someone saw what they do and it's BAD parenting, could maybe wake them up. i almost called on the woman next door who's always screaming at her kids to shut the f--- up or she's going to f--- them up. but the kids are always clean and fed and dressed so i don't think in rural nevada that's going to fly as abuse.

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by NYCVeg

But physical abuse IS wrong. Period. Endangering your child's life by withholding asthma medication and refusing to use a legally-mandated car seat regularly is also wrong. Period. The food issues are minor. We all get that. But people seem to be using the fact that the PP included some minor issues and using that to justify doing nothing when these kids are actually being abused (physical abuse, physical endangerment, medical neglect). That some people wouldn't like that the OP doesn't have a bed does not mean it's okay for her ILs to drag their children around by the hair, hit them, drive them around without carseats, or withhold their necessary medications. It just doesn't. People here are really missing the forest for the trees.

Because the OP mentioned so many nit picky things it seems like she is trying very hard to find fault with the parents. IMO it ruined her credibility on the subject. That's JMO so nobody jump on me please. Calling CPS is a HUGE deal and I hope she doesn't do it out of spite for her inlaws.