S/O thread: Does please/thank you make a dif?

[Freefromitall]

So I think we can all agree that motherhood can be demanding at times. And little kids can be demanding at times

So, my question is, Does hearing please and thank you make it easier for you to comply with the never ending stream of needs/wants your child has?


Honestly, for me, it does. I mean, I'm going to take care of my child regardless, but "Mama, can I please have a drink?" is soooo much easier to do with a smile, as opposed to, "Mama! I need a Drink!" kwim?

[julieanne]

Please and thank you makes a huge difference for me as well. My big one is when my almost two year old demands "Mommy Get Up!" and "Mommy Hold You!" when I'm still asleep in the morning or other times when I'm just worn out. He hates it when I ask him to say please, so I've taken to just saying it myself...not as a correction, just cheerfully adding it to the demand. I was shocked to realize this really does help me! I told him the other day that *someone* has to say please, and if he's not going to do it, I'll just do it myself When he remembers to say please or thank you on his own, it makes me jump for joy.

[Sasharna]

Yes, it does for me.

But I'd add that when we teach "please" and "thank you" I think our children learn more than just words. They also copy our tone and inflection. They learn how a gentle, polite demeanor is more likely to make other people feel respected and happy. Likewise, they learn that a demanding and whiny tone of voice makes people feel annoyed and pressured.

I don't really mind whether my son says the word itself. His attitude is what makes the difference.

[Alyantavid]

Yes. I feel much less like a maid when my kids ask nicely for things and then thank me.

[jjawm]

Yes, it does. It also makes it easier for me to do things for dh I've sort of run into the problem, though, that now dd thinks that anytime she says please she should get what she wants. "mama, candy". "No, not now" "pleeese? PLEASE!!!!!! CANDY!!!"

[nextcommercial]

It does for me too.

I was just thinking about this yesterday. I have six kids in my daycare. One refuses to say please or thank you. Her parents don't mind, so it's not a huge deal to me.

But, I have noticed that when she says "Give me more (whatever she wants)" I tend to ignore her.

Then the other girl will ask "Can I please have more (whatever she wants)" I will give her that immmediately.

Eventually, I will give the no-please girl what she's asking for, but she must at least ask first. Not demand. I won't ever give into a rude demand. I'd actually be happy to give her what she wants if she'd say "can I have?" instead of "Give me".

[Norasmomma]

Yes-thank you.

My DD saying "I want" drives me crazy. Please and thank you make a huge difference.

[tinuviel_k]

Yep, the way a request is phrased makes a huge difference at our house.

I am happy to get a glass of water or a snack when I hear a polite voice. "Mama, could you get me a glass of water (with a please or not attached)" is sure to get a result.

If I hear, "Mama, I WANT a drink!" there is a firm reminder to my child to "try that again poliely in a few minutes."

And we both model and expect gratitude for a favor or a task well done.

At our house everyone gets treated with respect, children and parents alike.

[octobermom]

being polite always places me in a more willing mode.

Deanna

[Boot]

It makes a big difference for me too. DH has a bad habit of saying 'sure' when I say 'would you like x?' (usually something that takes effort for me to make or something special that I am offering to share). It drives me crazy because it implies indifference to my effort or generosity. I DON'T want DS picking up on that. He is only 21 months but is quite good at saying please, thank you and no thank you. Sometimes he applies it in a funny way like saying 'no thank you' when I was cutting his hair. He does still yell demands though but it's early days.

[SquishyBuggles]

It makes a huge difference when I get politeness from them rather than the demanding/whiny 'get me a drink noooooooow!'

[paquerette]

Nope. I'm all about the tone and attitude, not the actual words.

Originally Posted by jjawm

Yes, it does. It also makes it easier for me to do things for dh I've sort of run into the problem, though, that now dd thinks that anytime she says please she should get what she wants. "mama, candy". "No, not now" "pleeese? PLEASE!!!!!! CANDY!!!"

Ahhhhh this is us too! I actually said last week that I never, ever wanted to hear 'please' out of her again because of how she uses it.

I blame Barney. He's the big purple dork who got the idea into her head that it's a "magic word."

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Originally Posted by Boot

It makes a big difference for me too. DH has a bad habit of saying 'sure' when I say 'would you like x?' (usually something that takes effort for me to make or something special that I am offering to share). It drives me crazy because it implies indifference to my effort or generosity. I DON'T want DS picking up on that.

That bugs me too. Mine says "That's fine" or "Whatever you want"... which to me means "no, you don't need to fix dinner, I will make whatever I can find for myself, you go relax". He still hasn't caught on yet.

[angie7]

It does with me too. I will do it regardless but with a "please" or "thank you", it makes me feel they appreciate what I'm doing for them rather then just demanding....

[sewingmama]

For me, it's the tone and attitude more than just the words. You can ask or request nicely and politely without actually having to say, "please," or you can use a gentle "please," or you can demand angrily with or without "please." I don't like having anyone whine or demand at me.

[hedgewitch]

Courtesy is important to me no matter the age of the person asking! We are teaching our ds phrases such as "May I have" instead of "I want" which really pushes my buttons. I've tried to emphasise that it isn't just saying please that guarantees a yes, sometimes I'll say "Thanks for asking so nicely but this time we can't because....", so far that has worked.

When we 'correct' ds we model the tone and words we'd like to hear such as "A nicer way to ask would be..." this usually eliminates the hideous whiney tone as he then copies our 'nice' tone.

I think the world is just a nicer place when people are considerate of one another and speak with courtesy

[Maggirayne]

Yup. Altho, DD at 20 mos is juat getting it, but it's so sweet to hear her say "Peas" an "Tank-oo!" esp w/o being prompted!

[Jojo F.]

It's the tone, attitude AND saying pelase and thank you in a respectful manner.

Just because DS asks nicely doesn't mean he will get what he wants and he understands that. I can ask nicely for a million dollars, it doesn't mean I'm going to get it If he asks rudely he will not get whatever it is regardless.

When I need DS to do something I say please and thank you in a respectful manner. he is a person that should be respected. I also use "Sir" with him as well.

Respect is a two way street no matter how you look at it (in my eyes at least). I have vowed to not raise my son as I was raised; I will show DS due respect.

[Lemon Juice]

Very well said, Jojo! I find what is weird in our house is that my boys (ages 7, 5, 4) are more demanding and more rude more often and dd (almost 3) w/ no prompting will say "please", "thank you", and "you're welcome" way more often. Hmmm....

[Meg_s]

Makes a big difference to me, maybe because I grew up that way? When they ask nicely I usually am happy to comply, and often I thank them for asking me in such a polite way. If they rudely shout a demand I'll usually ask if they can ask me nicely, saying that I like it when they do. I use please and thank you with them. I've noticed my three year old reprimanding me when I am too rude or impatient with him.

If they scream I WANT <WHATEVER!!!> I'm like oh you do? What would you like ME to do about that? And we work for going from screaming "My toy is broken" to "Mummy can you fix this for me?" It's important to me for them to know how to ask for what they want, instead of just stating something "I'm thirsty" and waiting for me or someone else to figure out what they want. I know they're kids so I do it anyway, but I'm trying to encourage direct communication vs hints or indirect...and asking people for things in a way which hopefully encourages cooperation.