Shy Lactivist Wannabe

[CHoney]

I would love to be a Lactivist, but am really shy.

When my husband and I have a few friends over and we're watching a movie or something, I hate leaving the room to BF my son. I feel like I'm left out because I'm afraid I'll make the guys feel awkward. I could totally be discreet, but am nervous to try. My husband tried to encourage me, but I'm still so shy.

What would you do in my situation? Do you BF in front of all your friends? I would like to show people BFing is natural and normal.

[Carita]

well you don't have to go from 0 to 100... take babysteps... I always find it easier to feed in a room full of people if I am not facing them. Not that my back has to be to them, but YKIM... and then you can start with using a nursing shirt and shawl until you get more comfortable.

It did take a while for me to figure out how to BFed discreetly without flashing everyone, but fortunately I had more situations where I knew the guys had seen their wives BFed before and I was a lot less stressed about that. Now I am much more comfortable with the whole thing. I don't even need the blankets or nursing shirts - I am a pro!!! you will be too!

[ramama]

I agree, baby steps. If you are all watching a movie, could you pull up a chair behind everyone so you're still in the action, but have fewer eyes on you, until you're ready? Maybe laugh or make a comment so your presence is known. Perhaps someone will turn around and comment back to you and eventually it will all seem normal. You'll forget that you're nursing, your friends will forget (or not notice) and eventually you can just sit on the couch sandwiched between two friends nursing your DC.

For me, I was a little shy with DD1 in the very beginning. And perhaps I would continue nursing in seclusion, except that I started realizing how much of a hassle it was. Had I just accepted the inconvenience as just being a part of "how it is" then I probably never would have overcome that. Once you start realizing, wow THIS sucks, this chair is uncomfortable, I feel left out, there's no where private to nurse, eww this bathroom stinks, etc. you're already half-way there.

In my experience, those who are uncomfortable with a BFing mom are sometimes uncomfortable because they don't know what to do in the situation, where to look, is it okay to talk to a woman who's BFing, does the mother *want* privacy, and if so, am I invading it? And so on. Sometimes just *acting* like BFing is normal and natural (because it is) will cause people to realize that it is so. Sometimes, in those situations, I would just begin BFing in mid-conversation and continue the conversation as if I weren't even BFing and, for me, the people always got the hint that all was good. I was okay BFing in front of them, they could still talk to me, and they could feel natural around me.

[theboysmama]

nursing shirts are way helpful in that type of situation bcs they make breastfeeding discreatly easy (and that seems like what you want). Practice in front of a mirror as well that way you will know how much is actually showing and you might be surprised that it is less than you think. Chances are that people will just think that the baby is sleeping and won't even know that you are nursing. I feel that using a blanket is difficult as I can't see what my kiddo is doing and I feel like it draws attention to me. good luck

[wild fire child]

What worked for me the first time was that I was already nursing when my friends got there...they're teenage boys, so one of them spent the night staring at the table (we were playing a tabletop roleplaying game), and the rest were more freaked out by the neon pink stretch marks than the fact of baby attached to boob. Of course, I live with my in-laws and my 17 year old brother, so if I was scared of embarrassing people I'd have to live in my room. My MIL is always fussing that I might be embarrassed if my FIL sees, but that's another issue altogether...

I nursed in a store for the first time the other day, starting out in a local baby store made it easy.

Just try it out sometime! Start in another room and come back once baby is latched, and let it go from there. Be confident, your friends aren't going to be scared away and you should be comfortable in your own house.