Need help, dh threatening to have it done to babe... - Page 4

[mi.birthdoula]

Originally Posted by honeydee

And call me paranoid...but I would still make sure that you write all over the place on your birth plan that there will be no circumcision without your consent.

Oh, we definitely are. We even talked today about it, and he even agreed that he should give the babe the first bath, and no eye drops, vit k, or anything (he already fully supports exclusive bf because of our 2 dd's.) I feel like he has had a revelation or something. I know he did spend Monday with his father, so maybe that had something to do with it. I absolutely LOVE my FIL to death. He is such a wonderful man who helps us get through any though times, in fact I would be pretty sure he had a lot to do with it all.

[becoming]

:

so glad to hear your update! definitely still make sure everyone in the hospital is told again, and again, and again. Our littlest one was thisclose to being vaccinated for hep b in the hospital, even with signs all over the place reminding them not to.

[bugmenot]

I agree with a lot of others.

If the husband wanted to mutilate the baby's penis, get out of that situation. Would he stop at the penis, or would he alter the baby in other ways as well?

[fruitful womb]

Originally Posted by mi.birthdoula

Oh, we definitely are. We even talked today about it, and he even agreed that he should give the babe the first bath, and no eye drops, vit k, or anything (he already fully supports exclusive bf because of our 2 dd's.) I feel like he has had a revelation or something. I know he did spend Monday with his father, so maybe that had something to do with it. I absolutely LOVE my FIL to death. He is such a wonderful man who helps us get through any though times, in fact I would be pretty sure he had a lot to do with it all.

This is wonderful news!:

[2lilsweetfoxes]

One thing I don't get about people advocating to just leave the husband in this type of circumstance--what is going to stop him from just taking the baby to a pediatrician and having it done during a visitation? I ask this because that is something to consider...

(My husband was very much wanting our son to be circumcised, also. Because he was in Iraq at the time of our son's birth, and I was still undecided, our son remained intact. I went on an unaccompanied hardship tour to Korea a couple years back, when our son was 3. If circumcision was really *that* important to my husband, what was there to stop him from getting it done while I was out of the country for a year? I certainly wasn't there. I will admit to a little concern that I'd get back and Bubba would be circumcised, except for the fact that DH does not seek out medical attention unless necessary--but if there had been a "problem" and the recommendation was to circ, he probably would schedule it rather than get a second opinion. Or getting it done while I'm at work one day--he's a SAHD)

[mi.birthdoula]

This is not something that I have to worry about because I am a sahm, and I always take the kids to the doc. My dh doesn't like docs to begin with, and I have to force him tooth and nail to even get him to accompany me to the office with the kids once in awhile. I trust him to his word, as he has never violated that trust before. He has even stood up to his mother defending our choice already, so I think that as more and more time goes on, he may evan become an intactivist.

I thank you for your concern, but this issue has been put to rest.

[dinahx]

This is scary! If my husband threatend to go 'over my head' in a medical decision when I was sleeping, this is what I would do, please listen, IMO this is VERY serious:

I would call the local Domestic Violence hotline/shelter. If in your opinion Circ is harming yoru child, and your DH is threatening to do it w/o your consent. THAT IS ABUSE!!!! It is at least emotional abuse, with threats of physical abuse. I would get a legal restraining order and make sure everyone in the hospital knows about it. And I would personally call every urologist in a 40 mile radius and inform them of the situation. There is nothing about my safety and my children's saftey that I take at all lightly and no one harms a child of mine behind my back, while I am sleeping.

You can prevent this, but I personally think you should take him at his word and act accordingly. And YES, your doctor, the hospital, everyone should know about the situation. Their job is to protect you and the baby. YES VERY abusive husbands have done this behind their wife's back before, but that is NO reason to allow it to happen to you. He has given you a warning, that is lucky, heed that warning and protect your child.

And yes, I agree with PPs. Even threats of this nature would have me questioning my relationship, and doing it behind my back would not only be ground for divorce, but arrest and a lawsuit for both the husband and the cooperating doctor.

[dinahx]

ETA: Read your update, so glad! Seems like the situation resolved itself. Yay! I would still take the precaution of informing the doctor/hospital, though.

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by mi.birthdoula

Just an update...dh and I talked last night after having an ultrasound, and we will not be circing. It was decided together, so I know that he is now with me on this. I let him hear (I read aloud) all the info that ACOG, AAP, and many other organizations gave on the topic, and let him know that I would like to at least let the child make his own decision when he was of legal age. In so letting him know that there was no reason why I would degrade my son if that was what HE choose, but I do not think the decision to permanetly change a person for cosmetic reasons without their consent is either of ours to make. He was very level headed about the whole thing, and agreed completely after actually listening and contemplating the risks' and benefits'. If our son chooses (at a time that he is able to understand the total ramifications of the procedure) to go ahead with it, we will be there to support HIS decisions whatever they may be.

Wonderful! I'm so happy to hear! Yeah for you and your dh!

[loveyourohana]

Have you considered having your baby at home or in a birthing center with a midwife? Cant really do a routine circ. if the place you decide to give birth, doesn't offer it

[Arduinna]

Great news you guys worked it out!

[perspective]

Originally Posted by dinahx

This is scary! If my husband threatend to go 'over my head' in a medical decision when I was sleeping, this is what I would do, please listen, IMO this is VERY serious:

I would call the local Domestic Violence hotline/shelter. If in your opinion Circ is harming yoru child, and your DH is threatening to do it w/o your consent. THAT IS ABUSE!!!! It is at least emotional abuse, with threats of physical abuse. I would get a legal restraining order and make sure everyone in the hospital knows about it. And I would personally call every urologist in a 40 mile radius and inform them of the situation. There is nothing about my safety and my children's saftey that I take at all lightly and no one harms a child of mine behind my back, while I am sleeping.

You can prevent this, but I personally think you should take him at his word and act accordingly. And YES, your doctor, the hospital, everyone should know about the situation. Their job is to protect you and the baby. YES VERY abusive husbands have done this behind their wife's back before, but that is NO reason to allow it to happen to you. He has given you a warning, that is lucky, heed that warning and protect your child.

I guess you did not read the posts above, but after having open communication with her husband, the situation has been resolved. Its now a three person team, not just baby and mom, but baby, Dad, and Mom.

To the OP- congratz!! I hope everything else in this baby process goes smoothly for you!

[Fyrestorm]

Originally Posted by loveyourohana

Have you considered having your baby at home or in a birthing center with a midwife? Cant really do a routine circ. if the place you decide to give birth, doesn't offer it

The birth center in my area has a midwife that offers circumcision. They do it immediately after birth so mama and newly mutilated baby can still go home within 12 hours.

I guess they cut the cord then cut the babe all in one fell swoop so they can watch them both for bleeding before sending them on their merry way.

[dogmom327]

I'll admit that I'd probably do as Quikry suggested.

[fruitful womb]

Originally Posted by Fyrestorm

The birth center in my area has a midwife that offers circumcision. They do it immediately after birth so mama and newly mutilated baby can still go home within 12 hours.

I guess they cut the cord then cut the babe all in one fell swoop so they can watch them both for bleeding before sending them on their merry way.

[alegna]

I recently discovered that a well-loved birth center here offers circs.

Makes me ill.

-Angela

[kiara7]

Originally Posted by Fyrestorm

The birth center in my area has a midwife that offers circumcision. They do it immediately after birth so mama and newly mutilated baby can still go home within 12 hours.

I guess they cut the cord then cut the babe all in one fell swoop so they can watch them both for bleeding before sending them on their merry way.

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