Potty training my stepson - Page 2

[Auraji]

Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot

I think that it is going to be difficult if both houses aren't on the same page with regard to the potty situation. It sounds like you guys have a 50/50 parenting time situation, so that means that both houses have to put in 50% of the effort. And it would really help if everyone was on the same page with it.

I agree with you and this is what makes me get frustrated.

But again, Im also the only one that sits down with him to play school and teach him numbers, colors, letters, animals, let's learn how to write, let's color, let's do a puzzle...

[Auraji]

Originally Posted by Smithie

I think you need to refuse to take the lead on this one. Tell Mom that you'll follow whatever plan she has, and never bring it up again. Eventually (and soon!) he'll self-train even if Mom takes no initiative.

This also sets a good precedent for later developmental issues that might come up: if he needs help with handwriting, then MOM or DAD talk with the teacher, buy the needed materials or workbooks, and establish the practice schedule. You follow the schedule.

I realize that this is so so difficult to deal with if Mom's parenting is subpar and your dh just puts everything kid-related on you (which so many dhs are prone to do, mine included!) But assuming that everyone involved is a decent human being, your backing-off WILL produce an acceptable result. It may even be that Mom feels intimidated by you, if you have a more stable life and are known in the family for your stellar caregiving. It sounds like everybody needs to be reminded that you are not the mom and don't call the shots.

The issue is the decent human being part

It's such an awkward position to be in, because I disagree with so much that she does, doesnt do when it comes to raising dss, but I feel like I have no voice, on the other hand. Im probably the ONE person dss spends the most time with on a regular basis and the only one that seems to care about his development.

Im sorry I feel like the potty training thread was just me wanting to talk about all these other things, instead of the potty training.

I do that a lot

[Smithie]

Oh, mama. (((hugs))) I'm not sure I could bring myself to stay in that situation. Joint custody is so, so hard when the Other Mother is NOT a junkie, and the Dad is NOT off in his own world.

In all seriousness, I'm not sure there's a happy ending here for you. There no such thing as a perfect life partner, but there are plenty who are more engaged in the day-to-day life of their children and don't have such massive misbehaving-ex baggage.

[Auraji]

Originally Posted by Smithie

Oh, mama. (((hugs))) I'm not sure I could bring myself to stay in that situation. Joint custody is so, so hard when the Other Mother is NOT a junkie, and the Dad is NOT off in his own world.

In all seriousness, I'm not sure there's a happy ending here for you. There no such thing as a perfect life partner, but there are plenty who are more engaged in the day-to-day life of their children and don't have such massive misbehaving-ex baggage.

It's not easy, but somehow it works. DP is very aware of his problems, at least now he is. We've been together for 1 1/2 years, been living together for almost a year now. He's the first guy I've ever been with for so long, first guy I ever move in with. I used to always end relationships whenever they didnt feel right, too complicated but besides all the negative factors and this being the most complicated relationship I've ever been. Considering I've never been before with someone who had a kid, a mental disorder and was a recovered drug addict, even less the three of them combined, this feels very right. It sounds weird, but I cant explain it. It just is, there has been so much growing in the time we've been together, from both our parts. And I've seen him change so much for the better. I feel that so have I.
There have been a lot of things to overcome, specially when he was coming off the morphine on the beginning of our relationship, but you know how when relationships are difficult you think to yourself "It's not supposed to be this hard, this isnt right". Well, to me it feels like our love strong and we just keep getting closer and closer.
Again, it's difficult to explain, because it's such an abstract feeling, but we have a very unique relationship and yes DP doesnt sound like the best guy in writing, but in RL he is, I dont know, more like we are perfect together. Not saying there arent problems, there are, but I find we deal with them very well. The communication, the closeness keeps improving.
DP goes off to his world, I tell him "John, come back". He's sitting right next to me, not like I call him asking him to come back home or anything like that haha and he always says that he loves how I notice and just say that. It works. The good really overcomes the bad.
I do appreciate your advice and concern, if DP was any other guy I would had probably been gone a looooong time ago, instead of finding myself more and more in love. We're the same star and the way we feel and understand each other is unexplainable.

My biggest issue is dealing with dss's mom and that I wish so much dss was with us 24/7.