Is this wrong? I'm sure it is

[2pinks]

I KNOW that this is wrong of me to ask my cousin but I was hoping that maybe you ladies would at least understand where I'm coming from even if you don't agree with me. Please be gentle.

Ok, my cousin who I am very close to and have been my whole life wants to come up when the baby is born. No problem. My older dd LOVES her older daughters (15 & 13 and they just love her right back) but, the "problem" is that she also has an 11yo son that I really, really hope does not tag along. I know it's awful but it's the truth. The boy is soooooooo annoying, sneaky, gets into things he shouldn't, snoops etc. In short, he gets on my last darn nerve. I feel awful for feeling this way but quite honestly it's the truth. he's her last and she "babies" him something awful!!! And I do mean AWFUL!

I will be breastfeeding and just getting over my 3rd c-secion, in pain, bleeding. I REFUSE to cover up in my own home and I know that if she brings him she will expect me to. Um, NOT.GONNA.HAPPEN!!! This is MY home. I will be d@mned if I walk around uncomfy just to appease ANYBODY who has a problem with breasts being used for what they were intended for. I make NO apologies for this. I pretty much walked around topless or with one of those sports bra nursing things for about 3wks. I was a hormonal, crying mess.

Now, I will say that there have been many, many times where my cousin has gone on a trip or what have you and her son has stayed with her older son at the grandparents house. Of course I'm not going to ask her to not bring him, but how can I go about asking her about him coming? She may just automatically assume that this is a "girls" time and make arrangements for him to stay but I don't know that without asking first,kwim? She knows he gets on everyone's nerves (yeah cuz he's a sly and sneaky snoop) and is VERY defensive about him.

So, what do i do? Any tips or suggestions?

[onemoremom]

You could just say something casually to her about 'please warn the kids, that I'm going to be very uncomfortable, not moving around well, and what with recovering and nursing and everything probably very exposed...don't want them to be shocked '

That will let her know you are not planning on covering up or making exceptions based on company and she can do what she wants with it. If she's uncomfortable, as you say, having her son around when you aren't covered she can plan for him to be with someone else.

My mom used to give me that kind of heads up/reminder when we went to visit new moms/babies. 'Remember she just had a baby! Don't be annoying or rowdy cuz she's tired and sore, and will probably be half naked. That's just how it is right after a baby comes'

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by onemoremom

You could just say something casually to her about 'please warn the kids, that I'm going to be very uncomfortable, not moving around well, and what with recovering and nursing and everything probably very exposed...don't want them to be shocked '

That will let her know you are not planning on covering up or making exceptions based on company and she can do what she wants with it. If she's uncomfortable, as you say, having her son around when you aren't covered she can plan for him to be with someone else.

My mom used to give me that kind of heads up/reminder when we went to visit new moms/babies. 'Remember she just had a baby! Don't be annoying or rowdy cuz she's tired and sore, and will probably be half naked. That's just how it is right after a baby comes'

: That should be enough! Good luck!

[Momily]

I guess my question is, if she decides she can live with her son seeing your breasts, can you handle him being there. If the answer is yes, then I agree with the PP and would say something like:

"Sarah, I'd love to see Dan on this visit, but I have to warn you that I'll probably be topless, if you think he'd be more comfortable staying home I totally understand."

On the other hand, if this is about the fact that he's going to make you uncomfortable, regardless of what you're wearing, then I'd probably say something like: "When I think back to my last delivery, I remember how exhausted I was, I just don't know if I can handle a house full of visitors that early. I really want to see you, but do you think we can make this a kid free visit?"

I don't think there's a really graceful way to say "bring the 2 kids I like, and leave the other one at home", especially since it seems like she's already pretty aware that many people feel that way about her DS. However, maybe you can work in something about the girls coming to help with your DD, and just imply that her son's too young?

[Mama Poot]

Honestly mama I wouldn't have them come until you are fully recovered. I can speak from experience that you really do not want to be regretting having her come and then feel guilty for acting like a hormonal, post partum idiot and having your dignity temporarily destroyed. Tell them they can visit in a few months.

[2pinks]

Originally Posted by Mama Poot

Honestly mama I wouldn't have them come until you are fully recovered. I can speak from experience that you really do not want to be regretting having her come and then feel guilty for acting like a hormonal, post partum idiot and having your dignity temporarily destroyed. Tell them they can visit in a few months.

I thought about this too but I am really wanting her daughters here to help me out with my older and younger dd, etc. They are SO wonderfully fantastic with kids (both are just naturally very maternal) and it would be so nice to have them here to help out. Sigh. Guess I'll just have to bite the bullet and give her a call and ask what's what.

[KBecks]

Be honest about the fact that you will be topless and that you are concerned about that making your nephew uncomfortable, or you can say you feel uncomfortable being topless with an 11 year old male visitor, and so maybe ask for a short visit instead.

I would take the whole family as a package deal whether they are all welcome or not because it's not right to exclude one member of their family.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by KBecks

I would take the whole family as a package deal whether they are all welcome or not because it's not right to exclude one member of their family.

:

I would either ask the whole family to wait until later to visit, or welcome the whole family right away -- I've read so many threads here on MDC where mamas were hurt because someone excluded one member of their family.

[2pinks]

My mom called my cousin (mom is her aunt) and cousin said that she was mainly wanting to come for the actual surgery and while i'm in the hospital b/c she knows that my mom will have both kids by herself which will leave her no time to come to the hospital, etc and she will be staying with my mom, which again, is fine by me. I was under the impression she was wanting to come AFTER the surgery and such.

I'm glad it will work out this way b/c I won't have to deal with her son at all and like I said her daughters are just so stinkin' wonderful and they love my girls and they love them and it'll just be a nice visit for my kids.


BTW, I also wanted to point out that if I liked this boy and his mom had no problems with me nursing I honestly wouldn't have a problem with it either. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with nursing in front of males, especially young ones so that they see it's not dirty or shameful and that it's perfectly normal, etc. and that breasts also have a vital utilitarian purpose. But, I know that she would expect me to cover up, in MY home, after a c-section, while I'm trying to establish a nursing relationship and I am NOT okay with that!

I cannot fathom the thought process of someone, anyone, demanding, badgering, hinting, asking, someone just out of any type of surgery to do something (cover up, go to another room, etc) so that the person who did NOT have surgery won't be offended or uncomfortable. It absolutely sickens and disgusts me.