Dealing with Neddiness

[AngieB]

My two youngest dd's are so needy. Their ages are 22 mos and 4 1/2 years. They are driving me crazy. I can feel myself become very angry with them. Whenever I hear "moooommmmm" I start to tense up and hear myself saying things like "WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?" The youngest wants to nurse all the time and I'm sick of it. She wont sleep at night unless she is nursing I have NO time to myself or with dh alone. The 4 year old wil do nothing for herself. She wont dress herself, she wont go to the bathroom alone. She rude and bossy to me. Then things that I need to help her with like brushing her hair she wont let me do. I get breaks from them, my parents live next door and they are at their house sometime during the day and I work 2 nights a week so it's not like I'm with them 24/7. But no matter how much of a break I have the minute I'm back with them again they start in and I'm not handling it well. I've started letting them watch a lot of TV because it's the only time they leave me alone. We went from no TV to lots. I need some ideas how to get over this and better deal with their neddiness.

[meemee]

wow you have your hands full mama. that is a lot of stress plus throwing in the Working too.

since you have some support could u just go do something just FOR YOURSELF by yourself. not dh or anyone else. whatever that may be. just to have some satisfaction. whatever you like. something simple like a walk or a regular once a week yoga class.

when you come back you will be back with a different frame of mind which will make all teh difference. even though your other circumstances dont change.

your two babies are being themselves. that's who they are. they are not doing anything wrong. its just you who needs a break. a proper break. break is not being away from your children. break is doing something totally for you that you love for the amount of time you can spare.

instead of focusing on their neediness - and i say this v. gently - why are feeling soo pulled. what is going on in your life that is making it so frustrated. everytime i struggle with my dd i find usually its something going on with me.

[operamommy]

*hugs* I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed. I agree with pp about having some time away for a real break - some time to relax and focus on yourself for a bit.

I can only speak from my own experience. I've found that if I concentrate/focus on my children first thing in the morning and make sure that their cups are filled, then they are much less needy and clingy throughout the day.

[aspenleaves]

I totally agree with opera mommy.... if I give my dd undivided attention - kinda for as long as she needs it in the morning the rest of the day goes better. I also agree with mee mee, but would add that my 4 year old dd - who is an only child - can also be super needy sometimes and my aggrivation isn't always about me.

I don't like the terms manipulation or anything like that. I don't think 4 year olds have much intent, but they can push buttons and be overly demanding... only to get what they want which is totally natural, but it can be trying. I find that it is difficult for me to be patient enough to allow my dd to try and fail and understand and know the consequences. Or for her to try and for me to be okay with her choices. Or for me to be firm and kind through the onslaught of resistance I get when I change the rules.

Like the rude and nasty thing.... okay enough is enough "if you are rude to me you may go to your room until you are ready to be nice, or I will take you to your room and you may come back out when you are ready to be polite" Or, "you may not be rude to me"..." mommy said she doesn't like that tone you are using try saying it this way"... etc... etc.... If I can keep this guidance up and not get emotional we get through the rough spots.

With the getting dressed and going potty thing I would let her know that I will go potty with you first thing in the morning, but after that I expect you to come to the potty by yourself (maybe for the begining tell her you'll stand right outside the door or something). The same wit getting dressed. If my dd tells me she won't do something, she fools around and won't get dressed etc.... I tell her directly what I expect. " Here are your clothes I expect you to be dressed by the time I finsih the dishes" Now, there really is no consequence if it doesn't happen I am just firm and say as I dress her " mommy needs you to be resjponsible and dress yourself, how can I help you get dressed with out me?" and then remind her at bedtime. "tomorrow remeber we are going to try the new getting dressed routine.... and eventually my dd complies and we're on to the next skill or behavior she needs guidance with. I am fairly long winded here, but one of my main points is being firm.... I think we can enable our children to be more dependant that they need to be (which I am totally guilty of and kind of like being a dotting mom).

One last note is that my dd does go through super needy days (usually right before a cold sets in OR right before a huge growth spurt) and in these cases it is apparent that I do need to give her more attention and be with her more while she gets through whatever it is she is going through (kinda like the one step forward 2 steps back) she falls back into 'younger' age behavior during these needy times.... Hmmm, hope I'm not confusing you?

Good Luck