Any moms of mellow/gentle boys?

[Nosy]

I seem to be the mom of the most mellow boys I know. I don't know if they are just still developing (they are almost 5 & 3) or if they'll always be this way. They play together for hours, pretending they're musicians, acting out stories that replay life experiences with dinosaurs & cars. My problem is that I'm having trouble finding other boys like them to play with. My boys are just not into weapons, pirates, or destroying for the sake of destroying (a big problem with one particular boy we know), and it seems like alot of the boys we encounter are focused on activities that do not interest our boys. I don't know if they are mellow because they have been too sheltered or mellow because they just aren't old enough to play these things (though their peers are certainly into them) or if they have some hormonal imbalance (lack of testosterone?). They haven't had much exposure to weapons, but they're not completely sheltered. They participate in classes, they've watched PBS cartoons, we hang out at the park where we see other kids. DH is not the aggressive type, is not big into sports, so maybe it's genetic? I will admit that I have a huge issue with violence in the media, and I refuse to let my kids watch anything with guns.

Any other moms out there whose boys are like this? And why can't I find any other boys like my boys for them to play with? (They do fine with girls, but I'd like for them to have some male friends, too).

[Dabble]

Wow, that's great! We need more gentle men in this world!

I think it is entirely about personality types that cause kids to act differently from their peers. You may have to search long and hard to find other boys who get along well with yours, but if you find one they will likely be friends for life.

I have two boys (3 years and 5 months) and I think DS2 might be my gentle spirit. DS1 is very active, although not violent or aggressive, and I could see others interpreting him as rambunctious. I would not think, however, that boys who do not act this way are lacking anything, so don't worry about that. It's just a personality thing.


(PS - you need to update your siggy!)

[Mom2Ian]

My DS is only 10 months, so it is probably a bit soon to tell, but I *think* he is this way. He's very quiet (but happy...lol), likes to entertain himself and loves to "read." Books are the first thing he goes for out of his toy basket in the morning. He is also very cautious, deliberate and thoughtful. You can tell he's always thinking about something or trying to figure something out. His cousin on the other hand was always very high energy, live in the moment, very (inter)active boy. I think it's just personality (?)

[Blucactus]

My oldest is pretty mellow. I chalk it up to personality, my MIL swears he is exactly like his father...and I see it too. My youngest was born into the same environment, and with a mellow older bro to look up to, and he is a little spitfire! :LOL

[MorgnsGrl]

My son is fairly mellow/gentle, too, although he does love to "wrestle" with me or DH and he's not opposed to destroying something for the sake of it being fun. But he isn't at all physically violent with other kids, is not interested in football or most other sports, and looks at other boys who are roughhousing with mild confusion. He generally prefers to play with girls. He's 8 1/2 now, an only child, and has always been like this. He never went through a hitting phase even as a toddler.

[Mama Poot]

Henri is very mellow and gentle. He loves animals and is a kind of animal charmer. There was some kind of bird (perhaps a chimney sweep) that used to sit on the top of the neighbor's house every morning. Henri would go out and say hello to the bird and talk to it. Eventually after a few months, this bird began to respond to Henri and "talk" back to him! Sadly, the bird left with the cold weather, but hopefully he will return in the spring! Henri is also very cuddly and very sensitive. He doesn't like it when people yell or get upset.

[ilovebabies]

Yep! My oldest son is almost 16 and is still that way. Having him as a teenager is a breeze. I also have a 16 month old boy and he's the same way. I mean, he does regular toddler stuff...y'know, but he's easy going and layed back just like my son (and they get it from my dh).

My 2 daughters on the other hand.... well, let's not go there.

I'm pg with #5 and he's a boy! I'm expecting the same kind of personality.

[lolar2]

DS is a mix of mellow and not-mellow. That is, he loves running around and destroying things, but he is calm and good-natured about it. My cousin's DS, who is the same age, is very, very mellow. It definitely is how they were born.

[Mama Poot]

Originally Posted by ilovebabies

Yep! My oldest son is almost 16 and is still that way. Having him as a teenager is a breeze. I also have a 16 month old boy and he's the same way. I mean, he does regular toddler stuff...y'know, but he's easy going and layed back just like my son (and they get it from my dh).

My 2 dauthe other hand.... well, let's not go there. ghters on

I'm pg with #5 and he's a boy! I'm expecting the same kind of personality.

Wow sorry about the mangled quote! What did I do? :Scratch

Anyhow, my dd is only 7 months old but oh my goodness is she different from the boys! She is SO energetic and spirited and into EVERYTHING. She will grab anything she can reach, she grunts and shrieks and is so intense! She feeds well and sleeps great, so she's not difficult in that respect. But I can just tell, Fleur is going to be hell-on-wheels here pretty quick I kind of imagined her as this pretty little calm baby, sitting all prim and proper in her frilly dresses. Yeeeah that isn't going to be her. But then again, that wasn't ME as a kid either. I climbed trees, hiked alone through the woods without telling anyone where I was going, collected bugs, frogs, and caterpillars...definitely wasn't afraid to get my hands dirty. And all of my best friends in grade school were boys because girls were BORING!

[ilovebabies]

Originally Posted by Mama Poot

Wow sorry about the mangled quote! What did I do? :Scratch

Anyhow, my dd is only 7 months old but oh my goodness is she different from the boys! She is SO energetic and spirited and into EVERYTHING. She will grab anything she can reach, she grunts and shrieks and is so intense! She feeds well and sleeps great, so she's not difficult in that respect. But I can just tell, Fleur is going to be hell-on-wheels here pretty quick I kind of imagined her as this pretty little calm baby, sitting all prim and proper in her frilly dresses. Yeeeah that isn't going to be her. But then again, that wasn't ME as a kid either. I climbed trees, hiked alone through the woods without telling anyone where I was going, collected bugs, frogs, and caterpillars...definitely wasn't afraid to get my hands dirty. And all of my best friends in grade school were boys because girls were BORING!

LOL! Yep! Neither one of my girls is one of those little princesses! When I had my 2nd girl, I was kind of hoping for a prim and proper little princess who was into girly stuff and was gentle and quiet spirited. Ummm.. NOPE! Both my girls are high maintenance. Challenging. Strong willed and STUBBORN! Definitely not layed back! I love 'em to pieces of course, but in my case, boys are MUCH easier than girls.

[LynnS6]

Another one here - ds is 7 1/2 and does much better playing with girls at school. He just doesn't "get" the rough and tumble kind of play. He doesn't like snowball fights or chase games. He's active, but gentle.

Given that ds hasn't been that sheltered (he was relatively sheltered in preschool, but he's been in public school for 2 years), and there are active kids (boys and girls) that ds declines to play with, I'm sure this is just his personality.

I'd LOVE to have them come play with my boy! (They'll just have to watch out for dd, who is sensitive, energetic, dramatic and a bit of a mischief maker.)

[TwinsTwicePlusTwo]

My two youngest boys are like this to the extreme. They're very sensitive to what others are feeling, have zero interest in aggressive play of any kind, and will sit and draw or read or play quietly together for hours. They've never hit or really lashed out in anger against anyone. My only concern is that they've really never tried to assert independence, but then they seem happy and content so *shrug*. Over the last year they've started making friends (they're kind of shy). Their favorite person to play with is actually another boy, who's two years younger than them and also laid back. They like to teach him things, like how to hold a pencil properly and how to count to ten. It's so cute.

My older son is also gentle, but he's not mellow. He's never had any trouble making friends with boys or girls.

My DH is also very laid back and sensitive, so I'm sure this is a factor. Whether the personalities are genetic or it's because the boys have grown up seeing DH's behavior is hard to guess.

I'm also one who has found girls to NOT be easier than boys in any way. My daughter Cali is a bigger handful than any boy I've ever seen!

[luv_my_babes]

My ds is almost 5 and is a very mellow guy. He is not aggressive and does not enjoy aggressive play either. He is active, but not overly. I find it hard to find other boys his age that are similar in personality to him. He generally plays better with the girls, especially his sister

I think many people put a lot of emphasis on rugged, athletic and aggressive boys, and its considered 'weird' if a boy is sensitive, intuative, caring, mellow... etc. Truthfully, I am happy that I have such a nice boy I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Kyyrah]

I wish my kids were mellow! Neither my DS nor DD are. I'm a bit jealous!

[PoppyMama]

My 9 year old ds is very mellow/gentle, kind to everyone, polite, cuddly, etc. It's a personality thing and nothing I've molded him into by structuring his activities or censoring his surroundings. I allow my dc to choose their own music, movies, tv shows, etc. He loves to play video games (including Halo, Gears of War) and we take them to concerts on occasion and he has access to water guns and plastic pellet guns. I hope I would like having him around as much if he were more aggressive but I have to admit that he is easy to love and like. My daughter on the other hand...and she doesn't play violent games or run around the neighborhood with the boys.

[DariusMom]

DS is 6 -- super mellow, super empathetic, a bit shy ... . He does like the nerdy WWII fighter planes my dad sent him and some sword/pirate play, but he's the most non-violent kid I've ever seen.

[Mirzam]

I am blessed with a mellow, yet very active, sporty boy. He is not explosive nor is he aggressive with other boys. He can be aggressive on the sports field but in a competitive, not hostile way. He will wrestle, tackle other boys in play, but never takes it further than he or the boy he is wrestling/tackling wishes to. He will back-off if things get too intense.

All in all he is a very sweet, compassionate, gentle kid.