What worked best for changing your DH's mind?

[phrogger]

I just got wonderful news, but frustrating at the same time. We found out I am pregnant with our first son together, but it will be our 4th boy in the home (I have two, my husband has one). I am very happy and excited about it, then the reality hit me again, OH NO, the circ. debate.

So my Dh and his son are cut, my two sons are not. I am not so against circ that I am willing to do something like leave my husband, BUT I do feel pretty strongly that it is something we souldn't do. I fought with my ex husband out our first son and I won (but with that, the biggest thing was keeping our son looking like dad, my ex was intact). That wont work with my DH.

So of course, I want to show him all the reasons why not to, but at the end of the day, I guess the biggest thing is I want to leave it to my son to decide. If he wants a circ. he can do it on his own as an adult. And really the whole pain thing seems ridiculous. We don't preform appendectomies with infants because the pain wont be remembers, but many, I had mine removed at 20, and it HURT and I was in so much pain, could have died and i was pg at the time so my baby could have died too. That isn't reason enough to start cutting out the appendix of infants. So shouldn't their penis be seen in the same manner.

Also, the "watching dad pee". Well my baby as he is potty training can learn his proper hygene from me just telling him and showing him, and he has two older brothers that can show him. Both my boys ended up retracting their foreskin on their own by 2, so if this kid does the same, he can learn early how to keep himself clean.

So anyway, I have my reasons, but how did everyone else convince their DH's.

Oh, and my last ditch effort will be, if he doesn't agree to NOT circ, then I will NOT agree to a tubal but I don't want to pull out that card unless I have to.

[Getz]

Well, I have was never able to change DH's mind. I tried to give him as many medical facts as possible (it is comestic, painful, etc). I did slightly bring up the better sex but was very careful about it, I didn't want DH to become even more defensive by making him feel inadequate.

At the end of the day, I just refused to consent to the procedure. DH never would look at the research or research on his own. DS is almost 3 and it is a non-issue now. I always thought DH would turn around and admit that leaving DS intact was the best thing. But he never did, oh well.

[zoebugsmom]

I had DP watch the circ video. That's all it took.

[Fellow Traveler]

I think it would be best to find out why he would want to circumcise and work from there. In the mean time, the Penn and Teller video is often helpful. Have you seen that?

[QuietTempest]

It wasn't really an issue with my SO but I did have him watch the Penn & Teller BullS*** episode on circumcision. We found it both informative and entertaining.

[Quirky]

I would put the burden on him to justify why cosmetic surgery is necessary on an infant. The default is no surgery unless there is a compelling medical reason. You don't have to convince him -- he has to convince you!

[KBecks]

Your DH may be unwilling to admit that circ is bad, but.... the main thing you need him to see is that intact is OK. There is nothing bad about having a foreskin.

And, don't consent to the procedure.

With my third, I just told my DH I wouldn't do it.

[heatherweh]

Just asking worked! I was shocked, but he really didn't feel that strongly pro-circ and even said it felt like a relief to him not to have to worry about it (I had him go with DS because we had it done the first time). After he knew there was no medical reason he was totally fine with it and even said "Well conformity is no reason to go through all that!". Bless him. I was all ready for a long drawn out argument lasting for months.

You can have him list why and you can list why not maybe and hopefully he'll see that your list is much bigger and better?

[Nicole B]

never underestimate the power of the RIC video!:
My circ dh was not really "pro" circ/intact but all it took was talking about the benifits of leaving our son intact and then of course the video completely sealed the deal

My dh is proud of how his son looks and wouldn't have him any other way

[kiara7]

Repeating NO over and over for months.

[plunky]

For me, the thing that sways me is how unnecessary it is now. It'd odd to think that my body was modified in some kind of unneeded, ritualistic kind of way. It is a surgical thing, something could go wrong (although I believe it is much more unlikely to go wrong than people talk about here).

I find many of the arguments from intactivists to be completely unconvincing though, and when I hear them it diminishes the argument made and my respect for the person arguing with me. Stick with the fact that it is unnecessary, and you don't want to subject your kid to an unnecessary, cosmetic procedure. If your DH is circ'd like me, and enjoys sex, don't bring up the crap about how circ'd men don't enjoy sex. Etc. You have no way of knowing and we do. We're fine and fully functional there. It may just be me, but I don't find videos showing that it's painful to be persuasive either. You'd have to be an idiot to think that cutting something off your body wouldn't be painful.

[A&A]

Well, personally, I didn't have to "change my husband's mind." I just said, "We're not circumcising him," and dh said "ok."


Read this. Do NOT show it to your dh, though.

http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/v...ty_of_men.html

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I never could convince dh to this day still havnt but ds is intact because I just finally said it isnt happening. Sometimes you just cant convice them. I would love it if dh would come around but all that really counts is my ds is whole and will stay that way.

[Monda]

Hmmm great question!

First I showed my dh the stats on what percentage of US births are circ and not (at the time, many years ago about 40% of US male infants were not circumsized, and I suspected it was higher because I am betting lots of non-early-reported homebirths were intact too).

Then I told him, since I was against it, if he decided to have our then unborn son cut, he had to make all the related appointments and deal with all diapers and follow up care until it was 100% healed.

That worked for me.

[Bm31]

Originally Posted by plunky

It is a surgical thing, something could go wrong (although I believe it is much more unlikely to go wrong than people talk about here).

Well, brother, when you are the one it goes wrong with it's not much consolation to know it went "fine" for the other 98% (or w/e number you would agree go "right").

[robertandenith]

have him watch peen & teller circ videos and this one

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...65256830319025

congrats on your new baby boy, please keep us updated, I will be praying for you and your baby boy...

[plunky]

Originally Posted by Bm31

Well, brother, when you are the one it goes wrong with it's not much consolation to know it went "fine" for the other 98% (or w/e number you would agree go "right").

I agree with you, and if it went wrong for you, I'm very sorry. I'm just saying that it is a cost/risk vs benefit thing like so many other things in life. For me, even though I'm not an intactivist, I think the risk is too high with too little benefit to do circs. Not everyone agrees with me, and I'm not arrogant enough to think that my way is the only way.

[Yulia_R]

The best thing that worked with my dh is the sick history of circ in North America. It shocked him to the core to know that circumcision started in North America in the Puritan 1870s as a cure for masturbation. Masturbation was considered to be evil and sinful and was blamed for all sort of illnesses including blindness, paralysis and mental retardation http://www.noharmm.org/docswords.htm .

As late as the 1970's medical books were claiming that desensitizing the boy was good medicine as well as good morality. The idea of that, touted openly by medical scholarship with notable pride, was carefully tucked away when the sexual revolution permitted sexual pleasure.

Also, please make sure you show him this new VERY well done 20 min long video (it shows MDs voicing their opinion about the issue, as well as a victim of FGM comparing the two)
Circumcision Decision
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...30319025&hl=en

Another great video (as funny as can be concidering the subject)
Penn & Teller video "Circumcision Bullshit"

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...91532653693892

And of course a video of the actual procedure...or should I say torture...make sure your speakers are on! http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...27632617&hl=en

[3pink1blue]

my Dh was very opposed to having our daughters' ears pierced before they could choose, yet he wanted our son circumcised. I just pointed out to him how friggen ridiculous this thinking was.... why did our daughters get to choose with something as relatively trivial as their ear lobes, but our son was not able to choose what happened to his penis?

To me that is the key to intactivism - not that circumcions is wrong or evil itself, but that doing it to a person without their consent is wrong and evil. DH totally got that, and the "fight" was over.

[Bm31]

Originally Posted by plunky

Not everyone agrees with me, and I'm not arrogant enough to think that my way is the only way.

Are you saying I am arrogant because I don't feel my parents (or anyone else) should've had a "right" to choose risks for me in doing something that was completely unnecessary yet I get to live with the results the rest of my life? I do not necessarily want an answer, just something for you to think about. And perhaps what you or a parent would say to their child if their child suffered this fate after making their "choice."

This is a forum for the case against circumcision and a place where intactivists can talk freely and honestly without worry about being constantly policed by pro-circ's and their culturally brainwashed attitudes.