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Did you have the circ conversation before choosing your partner and deciding to have children?

Poll Results: Did you have a conversation about circumcision before choosing your partner and deciding to have chi

  • 20% (52)
  • 72% (180)
  • 7% (18)
    n/a (since there is always something)
250 Total Votes  
post #1 of 108
Thread Starter 
Just curious. For me it was a topic while dating just as self-sustainability, organic gardening and eating, whether or not to have children, where to live, etc etc.
post #2 of 108
dh is intact so it really never was an issue. That said, we didn't really think about circ at that time. I never realized the harms and damage it caused.
post #3 of 108
No we never talked about it. Back then though I didnt even think I would ever have kids though we did discuss how many we might have and how long to wait before starting a family.

Since I knew I would never circ if I did have kids I really didnt think about bringing it up to dh. I guess I just assumed he would feel the same way I did.
post #4 of 108
brought it up within the first 3 dates.
it came up cause dp is cut, and he is the first i have "had" that is, and i didn't know what to do with it!
i feel that no child should ever have genitals cut for a non-medical reason.
and dp agrees with me.
(although he is more sympathetic to religious reasons, which are fortunately not applicable to us)
post #5 of 108
my answer would be no i never did have that talk. i am 200% against it and everyone knows it, but i said n/a because if i was talking to a guy who was cut then it would be educating him how it was wrong and make sure he knew no child of mine would have ti done to him. if he couldnt get past it and demanded that his child be cut then no we couldnt be together and no having kids.
post #6 of 108
No, because when I met DH I didn't think it was very important. I thought there was no reason to do it, so I wouldn't, but didn't think it was a big deal since they won't remember it when they are older anyways.

I became much more strongly against it later, when I found this board. Luckily, he has no problem with leaving any future sons intact. His current opinion is a lot like my old one, no big deal, but no reason to do it.
post #7 of 108
No, neither of us realized the horror of it until many years after we started dating. I learned how awful it is during a human sex class in college and shared that info with him. He was on board nearly right away.
post #8 of 108
Yes. Absolutely. We talked about it as soon as things stated to get serious. I said something like, "I think you should know that if we ever have kids I am absolutely opposed to circumcizing or vaccinating them." DH was in full agreement, and had made the same decisions on his own before we even met.
post #9 of 108
Not at all, I had no idea about it really.
post #10 of 108
I voted no because my dh and started dating when we were 16 and wasn't something I ever even thought about! I don't think we discussed it until I was pregnant and I said "i don't want to circ" and dh said "okay, sounds fine with me"

lol end of discussion!
post #11 of 108
Yup. And I left a guy as I couldn't trust him not to take our potential child and get it done behind my back. My dh looked at me like I had two heads when I mentioned it, it would never have crossed his mind to do something like that (circ, not talk about it).
post #12 of 108
no, IMO it isn't up for debate. Just like no one else has to talk to their partner about FGM.
post #13 of 108
I guess I'm the obligatory 'other'!

When DH and I met, I had decided that I was NEVER having children. So it was a COMPLETE non issue.

but...After a few life changing events, I decided now or never. At 37 years old, I gave us a 6 month window to TTC (I wouldn't even call it that...we just threw away the BC and decided to see what would happen.) If I wasn't pregnant by my 38th birthday 6 months away I was getting my tubes tied for my birthday. Needless to say, I was pregnant 3 weeks later

I don't think the circ issue even needed to be discussed...when DH and I met, I already had 4 anti circ bumper stickers on my car and was already dropping pamphlets in baby isles and in baby sections of bookstores (much to his embarrasement) and we had discussed the possibility of him restoring. The subject was never even discussed in reguards to our DD even before we knew her sex.
post #14 of 108
Yes, we did. I told my DH that if we ever had a son we would NOT be circumcising. I explained all of the reasons why not, and he didn't feel very strongly about it so we really had no issues.

It was a really important conversation for me to have with him before we actually started trying for a baby.
post #15 of 108
hehe, I had only known dh 3 months when I got pregnant... but it didn't register to talk to dh because i had been told i was infertile, and i was on bc

like kriket said, i didn't think to talk about it, just like FGM... no one would do that to my kid

most of the men in my family are intact, and i have a strong grandma that was proud of protecting her boys (after a c-section in the "good ole days," she snatched up my uncle and stood on the bed screaming at the docs not to cut on her baby!)...
post #16 of 108
Before I married dh I made it perfectly clear to him where I stood on various issues. I told him there were some things that were 100% non-negotiable (like no circ, and breastfeeding until the child is good and ready to wean, and no spanking) and things that I was interested in but wouldn't file under "non-negotiable" because they were things we would just see how they worked out (like cosleeping, which he said sounded really sweet, cloth dipes, and homeschooling) He didn't then, nor does he now, agree with me on circ, but I made it clear to him that marrying/impregnating me was "implied acceptance" to an intact son. Its not a topic he likes to discuss, at all. I think he's slowly getting used to it, even if he doesn't LIKE it. (we're having a boy in may) and it definitely helps that we live in a low circ area (oregon) and everyone in my family except like 1 person is anti circ (and even that family member couldn't find anyone to circ his 2nd ds, YAY) At my midwife's office she has a table with business cards/pamphlets on various topics and there's anti circ literature there. He's pretty much been immersed in an anti-circ culture so I think he knows he has no leg to stand on.
post #17 of 108
Originally Posted by kriket View Post
no, IMO it isn't up for debate. Just like no one else has to talk to their partner about FGM.

Agreed, it's not for debate, hence leaving the one I couldn't trust.
post #18 of 108
My dh and I thought we wouldn't have kids until we conceived dd1 with an IUD in place. When I was pregnant, we didn't even know circ was an issue. MY OB asked if we wanted to circ our baby if it was a boy and I said "Of course." : I'm of Jewish descent and all the males in my family get circed or have a bris. We are so incredibly lucky dd1 was a girl and not a boy. I would have felt eternally guilty for doing such a thoughtless, permanent, and atrocious thing.

Fast forward a few months when I discovered MDC. I saw a post on "New Posts" in this forum and clicked on it. That's when I started doing research and actually got fairly passionate about it. I was just so apalled that I had never even considered not circing during my first pregnancy. I even did a presentation in nursing school on the reasons to keep baby boys intact.

When I asked dh about circ, he said "Of course we'll circ if we have a boy next. I want our son to look like me." I presented him with information and he soon decided for himself that we would NEVER circ. I was so proud and happy. He's now even more of an intactivist than me
post #19 of 108
We never brought it up until we started having kids. DH is very unhappy with his circ. He didn't want the same thing happening to his kid, so the more research we did the more we decided that no action is the best action! The more I research, the more horrified I am by circ. I would NEVER allow it to be done to a child!
post #20 of 108
We didn't discuss it until after we'd had our first child. I was so naive. I didn't know you had a choice. (no flames, please) After we had DD and I started to get more into the natural, gentle lifestyle I learned more about it and we decided to leave our kids intact.
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