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Did you have the circ conversation before choosing your partner and deciding to have children? - Page 3  

Poll Results: Did you have a conversation about circumcision before choosing your partner and deciding to have chi

 
  • 20% (52)
    Yes
  • 72% (180)
    No
  • 7% (18)
    n/a (since there is always something)
250 Total Votes  
post #41 of 108
1/19/09 at 4:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Erinz View Post
Just curious. For me it was a topic while dating just as self-sustainability, organic gardening and eating, whether or not to have children, where to live, etc etc.
Heck yes. I knew at the time that my ideas were crazy.

So I brought up everything. Vax, circ, organic/TF, homebirth, u/c, homeschooling, AP, etc.

Hm, well, make that almost everything. I just discovered EC and we talked about that a month ago.

But chances were, what with DH being the most AP/hippy guy I know, he wasn't going to bat an eye over EC.

Of course, he stopped quite adamantly at male lactation.

Oh and he swore he would never. ever CD. Too many bad experiences w/ siblings!
post #42 of 108
1/19/09 at 4:46pm
Neither of us were even aware back then, eventhough dh is circumcised. We found out together about the fact circumcision is unnecessary and some of the negatives. I then went on to research more and found out how horrific the procedure actually is and why males have foreskin ect (I passed along said info to dh). We were on the same page after finding out though, obviously both against it (to put it mildly).
post #43 of 108
1/19/09 at 4:57pm
No, we didn't. We were only 18 when we got together, so it wasn't something we were thinking about, and at the time, we we both assumed that circ was the norm anyway. Even while I was pregnant, we had planned to circ "just because". But once I discovered the truth (thanks to a mama online), he agreed after about 2 minutes of reading. He agrees with most of my decisions and is very easy to convince because he is very logical and doesn't have the macho ego thing going on (*cough* BIL *cough*). And that IS one thing that I loved about him from the beginning.

That being said, I'm single now (though me and the ex live in the same house right now) so in the future, it is definitely something I would bring up to someone before things got too serious. I doubt it will ever be a huge issue though, because I don't tend to be attracted to people that are that stubborn anyway. So if they didn't change their mind after doing the research that I have, then they aren't the type of person I want to be with.
post #44 of 108
1/19/09 at 5:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesdaffodils View Post
Not at all, I had no idea about it really.
Same here. I grew up in the South with fundamentalist parents who did not discuss sex and body parts. I didn't even know that this was an issue until I was pregnant and taking Bradley classes. Thank goodness we did. That convinced the dh and me that this was not needed and cruel.
post #45 of 108
1/19/09 at 5:47pm
No... never even thought of it, especially as I wasn't planning on having a child. Nature had other ideas. lol

But, before our son was born, I knew there was no way I was having it done, and he was in perfect agreement... and I waited for them to bring it up at the hospital so I could put across my views loudly ... but they never did. No mention of even any possibility of it being done.

I guess here in Australia, or at least at the time our son was born, it wasn't a standard sort of procedure. Don't know what the situation is like now. But it must have been done fairly routinely done in the past as all of the men I have ever *seen* have been circumcised... except for my brother... and my DH is much the same age.. only a few weeks different... and he is circumcised, so 2 men the same age, one is, one isn't. He was born in a different state though, so maybe that made the difference, or maybe my mum just said no. Maybe I should ask her.
post #46 of 108
1/20/09 at 12:26am
It simply wasn't on our radar screen -- we started dating in college. I was so completely ignorant about circumcision back then....I'm embarrassed to say that I clearly remember arguing at one point in a class that FGM shouldn't be called female circumcision because, after all, male circumcision is a harmless, even healthy procedure.

It wasn't until I was pregnant with ds that I started researching it (thanks to Mothering) and quickly became an intactivist. Better late than never, and I'm so grateful I found Mothering and CAC! :

If for some reason dh and I weren't together any more I would want to be with someone who was also an intactivist or at least understood where I come from on the issue....not because I think I'll have any more bio kids (I'm already 40) but because it's such a huge part of my values and moral outlook on life. I don't think I could be with someone who opposed me on this issue.
post #47 of 108
1/20/09 at 12:50am
DH and I never talked about it. He's cut and I didn't really even think about whether we'd circumcise or not until a very wonderful, uncut friend of mine set me straight. After that it wasn't hard to convince DH--he leaves most of the important baby decisions to me because he knows I spend hours and hours every day doing the research.

Not that it was ever really open for debate; there was no way I was going to let anyone circumcise my son once I realized what it entailed and how unnecessary and barbaric it is.
post #48 of 108
1/20/09 at 2:12am
No, we didn't have the convo before I chose him. Fortunately it turned out just fine. No circ'ing.
post #49 of 108
1/20/09 at 2:21am
Quote:
dp is cut, and he is the first i have "had" that is, and i didn't know what to do with it!
I had to comment because the above is my story entirely and I can't say more because it would be too explicit.
post #50 of 108
1/20/09 at 3:20am
actually, yes, dh and i, when we were first seriously dating, discussed all the "big" topics-money, work, babies and how they may best be cared for, food. it wasnt like a checklist situation, we just talk(ed) about EVERYTHING

we were/are on the same page. then at age 14/16, now at 29/31. we are with all the biggies. i just can't imagine being with someone who felt differently about the things that i consider to be deal-breakers, like circ. is.

gotta give dh credit here-i was always very radically lefty and progressive about everything, including being anti-circ and anti-interventionist birth (my mama had natural births) but i was a ffed baby, and i never even saw anyone breastfeed in real life before I did it for my own dd. we live in the south, too, so it just wasnt something i saw at all.

Dh was bfed and cd'ed and he was for both of those things when i was very ambivalent/negative about them. through research while preg. w/ our first baby, i came around, and he was/is SO supportive of my crunchy mothering ways. i am very blessed
post #51 of 108
1/20/09 at 7:01pm
nak

we did, and he was wishy washy. so i didn't have to "fight" hard when DS came along. In fact I had that convo with all 3 of my long term partners. i didn't know a good reason to be anti-circ except that it would hurt my baby, and that was reason enough to be against it. the more i learn, the more horrified i am.
post #52 of 108
1/20/09 at 9:49pm
No, but we were 18 and pregnant when we got married. :

We disagreed about circumcision. I allowed it with our first son and will always regret it. I put my foot down with our second son, and he is intact. DH never mentions it.
post #53 of 108
1/20/09 at 9:59pm
Nope, it never came up. Homebirth and homeschooling did, as well as what size family we thought was ideal. But circ never even occurred to me, since I just assumed everyone did it and it never crossed my mind to think otherwise. (Same with vaccines.) During my first pregnancy it was one of the things that I came across that we then discussed. Thank goodness for women mentioning it on UC boards, or having links in their signatures to information... otherwise I may never have known that it wasn't some strange fringe idea.
post #54 of 108
1/21/09 at 1:02am
I voted 'other'. To be honest, our baby wasn't planned and we hadn't had any parenting discussions before we discovered he was on his way (we'd been together for a long time, but we hadn't even discussed having children together).

I just told him I didn't want it done and he said he didn't care either way. After telling him exactly why I didn't want it done he became anti-circ.
post #55 of 108
1/21/09 at 5:19am
Well I knew before we got together where he stood on the issue. He's intact and at the time we came together as a serious couple I had already had T, who was also intact. So intact father, intact son... it wouldn't really make sense for the rest of our children to be anything but intact.

He did admit to me the first time it actually did come up in conversation (which it does sometimes because I'll get upset by something I read or am told) that he was so glad when he found out that T was intact, because he wasn't sure he would've felt the same about me if I'd circed a child, and that he knew for sure that if we had children together he would put his foot down and say no to it being done to them
post #56 of 108
1/21/09 at 1:19pm
No we didn't discuss it. DH was intact and it just wasn't something we discussed. I can't wrap my mind around why we would have needed to discuss it. To me discussing weather or not we would cut off a healthy part of a hypothetical child just seems silly. It's just not something either of us had been exposed to. No one in our families circed so of course we wouldn't. The only thing either of us knew about circ was that the Jews in the Bible did it.

When we had DS 1 in the hospital the Doctor asked us the day after he was born if we were planning on having him circed. We were both surprised by the question. We both said and emphatic NO. The Doctor said "Good". That was it. We never researched Circ and we never even discussed it, even when I was pregnant.

When we had DS 2 I came here to research UC. People's signatures led me to CAC. That was when I realized what Circ was and how big of a problem it really is. Every now and then I tell DH something I have learned here and we are now both against circ. Not that we weren't before we just now have reasons and knowlege to back us up.
post #57 of 108
1/21/09 at 2:21pm
No, because DH is intact so it never occurred to me that it would be an issue.
post #58 of 108
1/21/09 at 3:37pm
My hubby is intact. I was pretty young when I had my first son... one of the first articles I had read when I was pregnant just stated that it was unnesscisary. I wondered why anyone would put thier kiddo through such a thing, besides religious reasons, and left it at that. I remember in the prenatal class that I was required to take, having the circ discussion.For me it was a no brainer. I was truly shocked when the " locker room" and " looking different than daddy" concerns came up. I was pretty naieve and remember getting all flushed and all in a tizzle inside. Yeah... so for us as a couple with the facts layed out before us, we didn't even question the fact that we werent going to circ.
post #59 of 108
1/21/09 at 3:38pm
I hadn't thought of it at that point. In fact, if DD1 had been a boy, we probably would have circed. I didn't like the idea of it, but didn't have access to the internet and so had no better info than that in the "What to Expect" books. Thankfully I had better info by the the our DS was born.
post #60 of 108
1/21/09 at 4:12pm
We didn't discuss it - DH is intact because his mom couldn't pay for it so didn't bother. We're of a very "if it ain't broke don't fix it" mindset so it was never an issue at all.
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