Did you have the circ conversation before choosing your partner and deciding to have children? - Page 5

[KaylaBeanie]

I'm not a parent and am currently single, but my last relationship actually rapidly ended after my then boyfriend waged a bitter war against my intactivism. I told him that someone would have to pry my kids out of my cold, dead hands to circ. Needless to say, two days later it ended. However, yes, I would certainly discuss my feelings before marriage/children, whichever comes first.

[NaturalMindedMomma]

I mentioned it on the first date. Sometimes prior to the first date on the phone. I prefer an intact penis anyway. DF is intact, but his son is circed. He was not given an option and was ignorant about it prior to meeting me.

I told him how I felt and we watched the video and I showed him the research and articles and he agreed and felt really bad for his son.

I could also not be with anyone who was presented with information and still doesn't see it is wrong. I have met men like that and to me, that is just plain stubbornness and ignorance.

[NaturalMindedMomma]

Originally Posted by kaylabeanie

i'm not a parent and am currently single, but my last relationship actually rapidly ended after my then boyfriend waged a bitter war against my intactivism. I told him that someone would have to pry my kids out of my cold, dead hands to circ. Needless to say, two days later it ended. However, yes, i would certainly discuss my feelings before marriage/children, whichever comes first.

good for u!

[NaturalMindedMomma]

Originally Posted by Haselnuss

First husband, no. After having him threaten to circ a boy against my wishes (baby turned out to be a girl), I wasn't about to be put in that position again. 2nd husband is European and intact, though, so it's moot... plus, all my kids are female, so it's doubly moot.

Sometimes I feel like a waste of an intactivist.

I feel that way too! LOL I hope this baby is a boy so I can leave him intact and be proud of that.

You are not a waste though. Anyone who fights for a human beings rights is not a waste!

[akaisha]

i said yes, because we did talk about it, but he's intact so it wasn't really an issue.

that said, i would never ever even consider having children with someone who would circ, so it's absolutely a conversation i would have if i wasn't with my current DP.

[kblackstone444]

When I got pregnant with my son (highschool boyfriend), it was just assumed that I would circ my son, because everyone I knew was, so it didn't really come up, it was just DONE.

I didn't discuss it with my Husband (married 4 years, dating 4 years before that, probably won't have any more kids, but I can always hope) before we married or before we dated, because I didn't really know all the details. I knew more than I did 13 years ago when my son was born, but not exactly how much damage it does. In all honesty, if I'd had a son 3 or 4 years ago, he probably would have been circed because of his brother and Dad and I would have thought insisting on general anesthesia and thought that would take care of it. : And then I found MDC... Anyways, my Hubby doesn't want any more kids, so it's probably a moot point, but I've told him, if, for some reason we ever have a son, there will be no circing. Over my dead body!

[KnitLady]

I didn't discuss it with DH before getting married but it was something we "discussed" : and I then decided we would not ttc until we agreed not to circumcise. We had our "discussion" about 3-4 years into our marriage but didn't ttc until a few years after that (we agreed on circumcision long before ttc, he just wasn't ready).

I didn't vote because there wasn't an answer that totally applied.

[perspective]

Originally Posted by NaturalMindedMomma

I mentioned it on the first date. Sometimes prior to the first date on the phone. I prefer an intact penis anyway. DF is intact, but his son is circed. He was not given an option and was ignorant about it prior to meeting me.

I told him how I felt and we watched the video and I showed him the research and articles and he agreed and felt really bad for his son.

I could also not be with anyone who was presented with information and still doesn't see it is wrong. I have met men like that and to me, that is just plain stubbornness and ignorance.

Wait, if your husband is intact why would he circ his own son? If he knew he was fine, I cant imagine someone convinced him of any the myths.

[njeb]

Originally Posted by perspective

Wait, if your husband is intact why would he circ his own son? If he knew he was fine, I cant imagine someone convinced him of any the myths.

Remember, a whole generation of intact men was persuaded to circ. their sons in the mid 20th century. The doctors of the era were treated like gods; everything they said was considered gospel. So, if he said to circ, you had your ds circ'ed.

This intact father might think that he was one of the "lucky ones" who had escaped the "evils of the foreskin." Or maybe he was left intact because his parents were too poor to have him circumcised. I suspect that is why my brother, born in the 1940's, is intact.

He could be intact, but he could still believe all the myths out there.

[smeep]

Being the intactivist it's come up many times, pretty much once we got serious. He was as uneducated on the subject as most (he's circ'd) but now he knows where I stand and is a little more educated. I told him that I will NOT let any of my children be circ'd, end of story, and he seems cool with it. (DS is not biologically his and we are waiting to have more children together just yet.)

[NaturalMindedMomma]

Originally Posted by perspective

Wait, if your husband is intact why would he circ his own son? If he knew he was fine, I cant imagine someone convinced him of any the myths.

He didn't even know what Circ meant. He was unaware that he was uncircumcised. He was ignorant to the difference and was embarrassed to admit it. His son is 6 and when his ex wife got pregnant, she was told it was cleaner, she made the decision, he didn't think he even had a choice. He didn't even know what was involved. When Iexplained it to him and he watched the video and explained what he took away from his son, he was SO sorry. He immediatly started researching and found out about restoration. He plans to talk to his son about it and hopefully my DSS will decide to restore.

Unfortunatly, as he was getting in the shower (DSS) the other night I looked at it briefly and it is HORRIBLE. Tons of scar tissue and a huge ridge. Very tight as well. It pulls and itches him and hurts him all the time.

Df was horrified when he finally learned the difference.

[NaturalMindedMomma]

My DF was also uncirced because he was an extreme preemie. His mom did not want to chance it with him. But his younger brother "had" to be circed due to an infection. She had never talked about any of this with Jose. He actually thought he WAS circumcised. I know that sounds crazy, but I get the feeling sex and genetalia are very privatized in his family becasue of the severe sexual molestation that occured. I dont pry, because it is a sensitive subject.

[Romana]

No. It wasn't even on my radar at that point.

[rere]

Well,my husband and I were in high school when we started dating so we didn't talk about it before we started dating but we did talk about it before we got married and had kids.I'm not even really sure when though.He's against it so all our conversations are about why would someone do that?

[KMK_Mama]

Originally Posted by hollytheteacher

I voted no because my dh and started dating when we were 16 and wasn't something I ever even thought about! I don't think we discussed it until I was pregnant and I said "i don't want to circ" and dh said "okay, sounds fine with me"

lol end of discussion!

That's pretty much my story too.

[bandgeek]

I voted n/a since I wanted to put yes for one and no for the other. With the kids' dad, I did NOT bring it up beforehand. I was already passionately against it, but I guess I just assumed I'd win the argument? We did end up fighting about it but in the end I just said "it's not your decision and I'm not signing the consent form". He was pissed off for a while but he came around and he's even thanked me a few times for being strong and standing up to him!

I'm getting divorced though and I have a BF. This is someone I've known a very long time and we used to date when we were younger. We don't know what will happen eventually. At this point, even if we get married, we aren't planning on kids. But I brought it up anyway. I told him very early on that I was against circ. He was a bit shocked and I had to dispel all the myths he'd been fed through the years. He still didn't "get it" until I said, "You know what? It's HIS penis. Shouldn't he be the one who decides how he wants it to look?" It was like a light bulb went off over his head. He has no issue being circ'ed and it never occured to him that anyone WOULD have an issue.

I'm glad I brought it up already. It's very important to me not to have to go through that fight again, even though it all worked out the first time. It was very emotional and hard for me.

[Storm Bride]

The way circ was done years ago was horrifying. My mom didn't even know what it was when she had my brother. Her ex-husband (brother's dad) was intact, and mom had never been with anyone else. When the nurse asked her to sign the form - not even really discussing that it was a permission form, as it was just presented as a a routine form to sign - mom asked her what it was. When she was told, she didn't think that sounded right, and felt that if her son had a foreskin, he was supposed to have a foreskin. So, my big brother is intact. He was born in '63, and I don't get the feeling that too many of his contemporaries (or mine, for that matter) were left intact around here. I believe we now have a circ rate of 10%, but it was much higher back then.

[KBinSATX]

Originally Posted by Erinz

Just curious. For me it was a topic while dating just as self-sustainability, organic gardening and eating, whether or not to have children, where to live, etc etc.

It was definitely part of my decision to have children with DH (we are both anti-circ). I feel so strongly about this subject that I wouldn't have wanted to have children with somebody that would want to do that to them.

[KristyDi]

Circ wasn't even a blip on my radar when DH and I met and married. I had honestly never given circ any real thought. I didn't even know what it was beyond it being something about cutting off "extra skin." I was so clueless that when I saw "The Case Aginst Circ" board here I wondered if there was some kind of class action lawsuit or something. It never occurred to me that circ was something people would be against all together.

So I clicked and started reading. Since I was pregnant and didn't know the sex of the baby I wanted to know #1 What circ was. #2WHy it was done. and #3 Why people would be against it. It took maybe 2 hours of reading and researching to decide that I was never, not ever going to allow that to be done to my children. I was all fired up and marched into DH's home office and announced that if this baby was a boy he would no be circed. Dh looked surprised and somewhat confused and said "uhh, ok. Fine with me."

Then we had DD.

[MilkTrance]

I met my DH when I was a teenager, so that'd be a heck no.

However, my Dad and brother are intact, so even if my future partner ended up being cut, it wouldn't have changed my perspective much. I came to the decision on my own about whether to circumsize my son. DH was on board, of course, as he is intact, but even if he were not on board... too bad. When it comes to cutting off useful body parts, I'm okay with disagreement in a marriage.