Leaving my religion?

[hollyvangogh]

I don't think I believe in my religion. In my mind it cannot be true. And, just to make sure I'm not being misguided I've prayed to know the truth. Nothing. I get nothing. I'm in need of support because my life has been so saturated with this religion for the past 6-7 years. It created so much contention when I converted (my mom was devestated). And now I think she's right and I was just a delusional teen. DH, who was raised in this, also doesn't believe anymore.

I have spent so much time trying to convince myself that I'm OK with things I'm not OK with because my religion says it is so. And breaking away is hard and scary. I would love some input from people who have been through something similar (particularly former-LDS individuals - but I'm not interested in bashing...I don't think the current adherents of this faith or the leaders have malicious intent).

There are just so many things involved with making this change that it is overwhelming...so much so that a part of me almost wants to just stick around and pretend I believe (but not really).

ETA: Please no PMs trying to convert me to other religions. Thanks.

UPDATE: I'm no longer feeling scared. In fact I feel at peace, so free, and feel like celebrating!

[Sailor]

I left my faith as well. I was raised Roman Catholic, switched to paganism for a while (maybe a year or so).

And then I left that for atheism. I've stuck with the "atheist label" for 5 or 6 years now. I'm fulfilled/happy in it, and have felt a lot of freedom since making the switch. This is the path that is definitely right for me.

I think making that switch - whatever path you're switching to - is definitely scary. When I made my final switch, my grandmother went to Church everyday and prayed for my soul. Now she's just down to every Sunday.

Beyond my mom, I definitely have no support from my family as they are all believers and attempt to convert me back a lot. It's definitely a source of friction each time I visit.

So, it's difficult with them and my relationship has changed with them as a result. Though, of course, we still all love one another deeply.

Personally, I am a big fan of the Zen metaphor. That we're all on different paths, climbing the same mountain. As scary and terrifying as it is, I think we need to find the path that suits us best, and allows us to live a life of happiness and fulfillment. Even if it means forging out own unique path, or trying out the "well trodden" paths. You'll know when you find the right belief system or path for you.

I would take heart in knowing that you're definitely not the only one stumbling around on that mountain. MANY of us are in the same situation and have gone through the same things. I think it takes a lot of courage to do what you're doing - confronting how you feel, how you relate to your beliefs, what truth is for you, what you believe, etc. And I think it's important to do what you're doing - questioning your beliefs. Questions help you understand whether the beliefs you hold are right for you. Breaking away from them takes tremendous courage. But, personally, I think the breaking away and the search for truth (as you want to pursue it) is well worth any feelings that come along with it.

[lolar2]

If your mom was not happy about your conversion, perhaps she will be happy to have you "back" and will be supportive about it.

[A&A]

I left the LDS church. Even though I didn't believe it anymore, I still had to mourn the loss (because it's a loss of a culture, a way of life, sometimes you lose friends because of it, etc.)



One thing that helped me is going to the UU church. They are very liberal (dh calls it the "bring your own god" church), but they filled the hole I had for awhile after I left the LDS church.

[hollyvangogh]

Originally Posted by lolar2

If your mom was not happy about your conversion, perhaps she will be happy to have you "back" and will be supportive about it.

Oh I bet she will! I'm thrilled to tell her...but holding back because then it will really be final, kwim?

Originally Posted by A&A

One thing that helped me is going to the UU church. They are very liberal (dh calls it the "bring your own god" church), but they filled the hole I had for awhile after I left the LDS church.

I might need to look into that. I know DH is worried about the social impact this will have. We have not ONE non-member friend.

ETA: I told my mom and I feel wonderful.

[theretohere]

mama.

[umsami]

I left my religion, Evangelical Christianity, to become a Muslim.

It was no so all-encompassing as LDS, so I think this made it easier. It was, however, hard on my Mom in particular.

I don't have any advice to add, but wanted to send a :

[momma4fun]

hi there!

lots of hugs. this is a hard time for you. i've been there.

there are a couple very very supportive forums for questioning and leaving members of the church

postmormon.org

and newordermormon.org

there's lots of pain and mistrust and self worth issues to be worked through surrounding leaving the church.

i'm so glad your mother is supportive. you could ask her to check out the above sites for you if you can't do it yet.

just take things slowly. you are making a wonderful informed positive step forward for your life and your children. way to go!

the mormon church is absolutely dishonest about it's history, not to mention that the cornerstone of the church, the book of mormon, is a complete work of fiction.

when you do some more research, it will be painfully obvious that praying for the truth won't possibly get any results, as the church is clearly a fraud. now that members have access to the internet, and the truth about the church, members are leaving in ever increasing numbers. you're not alone!

best wishes!

[hollyvangogh]

Originally Posted by momma4fun

there are a couple very very supportive forums for questioning and leaving members of the church

postmormon.org

and newordermormon.org

Thanks. I've spent some time on exmormon.org but hadn't heard of those two. I'll check them out.

I think I'm at the point where I know I've made the right choice but it's going to take a long time to "deprogram," kwim? I keep having to tell myself I don't need to feel guilty for the silliest things. It's as if a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I can be myself again (I wasn't raised in the church, I converted).

[christianmomof3]

:

[momma4fun]

Originally Posted by hollyvangogh

I think I'm at the point where I know I've made the right choice but it's going to take a long time to "deprogram," kwim? I keep having to tell myself I don't need to feel guilty for the silliest things. It's as if a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I can be myself again (I wasn't raised in the church, I converted).

yes, i totally know what you mean. i've found therapy to be pretty pertinent to the "deprogramming" for me. i'm learning to love myself as i am.

hell yeah that you get to be yourself again! focus on that and enjoy it!

[hollyvangogh]

Originally Posted by momma4fun

hell yeah that you get to be yourself again! focus on that and enjoy it!

I had an iced cappuccino tonight.

I haven't had coffee for years and years and years.

It was so strange...I felt dirty or something when I bought it and felt like I needed to hide. But it was sooo good. And I had to remind myself that, um...coffee is not sinful. It's not heroin, it's not murder. It's a beverage. So I bought myself a cheapo coffee maker and some decaf coffee (breastfeeding). And then later...while still at the store, I noticed someone from my ward. I honest to goodness ran (ok, speed walked) away and hid in the greeting card aisle. I guess I have a long way to go.

[holyhelianthus]

I left the church (before I came back ) and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. When DH decided to convert and I came back I told him I didn't ever want to leave again because it is sooooooo hard!

The culture is the hardest to break free from (also the hardest to have to live in . So many people are going to try and make you feel guilty and so many are going to act as if you just made out with satan right in front of them. I want to say "ignore them" or "don't let them get to you" but yeah right, right? I guess you just have to know for yourself and live in that truth and knowledge and find shelter from the storm there. It's going to be so hard and then one day it's just not.

I hope that helped a little!

Remember being LDS doesn't make a good person anymore than not being LDS makes a person 'bad' or 'wrong'. Don't fall for that line of thought even a little because they're going to try and point that out to you.

[missmich]

I was a member when I was very young for about 7 years. I never once believed a word of it,but I was a child so had no choice but to keep going to church. For me leaving didn't really have an impact.

For some though,it's a huge deal. You leave behind a culture in a way and also risk losing friends. That's probably the hardest part. Maybe you'll want to join some local groups for post mormons in your area or some common interest groups as a way to make some new friends.

I think joining in or just reading threads on forums like postmormon.com is a great idea to get support.

Make sure you do have a support system in place,like your mom. She sounds great. You don't have to do anything official like writing the letter yet,but you can go "inactive" for as long as you feel you need to.

[*Aimee*]

It's so hard. I left the church a long time ago but still find myself "deprogramming" as you said. I'll say something and DH will say "babe, that's not biblical" and we'll have to go look it up and see that he's right

It's especially hard around my family. A lot of them are very angry at us and don't wish to have a relationship. I'm not allowed to watch some family member's kids anymore, dont get presents, my kids don't get birthday or Christmas presents ect. it hurts.

I hope you can find the peace you need soon.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by hollyvangogh

ETA: Please no PMs trying to convert me to other religions. Thanks.

UPDATE: I'm no longer feeling scared. In fact I feel at peace, so free, and feel like celebrating!

1) Wow, people are gutsy. I can't believe you're getting PMs about this!

2) I'm glad you're feeling free! It took me a long time to get to that point.

[momma4fun]

there was another poster who recently decided to leave the church.

i'm retarded at searching and don't know how to find the thread, but she was a convert too, and struggled with feeling dumb for not really researching the church before joining, but she was moving forward positively........

if someone could find and link to it i'm sure she'd be up to chatting with you.

i heard once that there was an ex lds tribe on here, i'd be interested in meeting all of you!

[hollyvangogh]

Originally Posted by momma4fun

i heard once that there was an ex lds tribe on here, i'd be interested in meeting all of you!

I searched for it in "finding your tribe." But it's archived. Maybe it's time to start a new one?

I'm so ready to make some new friends.

[springbabes]

Here is the exmo thread:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=570988

I too left the LDS church. It's been about 10 years now. I remember how alone I felt at first. I didn't know anyone who wasn't mormon at the time. I struggled, trying to make it make sense while praying for the answer to come that the church was true. It was such a relief when I allowed myself to entertain the notion that the church might not be true, that there wasn't anything wrong with me because I'd "lost" my testimony. The road gets easier. I never realized how much guilt I was living under all those years until I stopped believing. Oh, and it's nice to no longer feel like I'm going to be punished for shopping on Sunday or wearing a tank top .

Your Mormon family and friends will get over it and learn to live with your new beliefs. I'm sure I'm not respected as much as I once was in those circles but I don't know of anyone who disowned me over it.

[hollyvangogh]

Originally Posted by springbabes

Here is the exmo thread:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=570988

Awesome! Thanks for the link.I just subbed.