How do you do it? Venting...

[namistenicole]

How do some moms make the newborn period look so easy? It seems like everyone else has kids that sleep in the car seat or sleep in a bed, but mine never do.

DD eats well, and sleeps well at night (in bed with me) and I'm very grateful for that. But during the day she only sleeps if she's attached to me somehow. She won't even fall asleep in a rocking chair! I can count on one hand the number of times she's slept in a bed away from me. And very often she won't even fall asleep in the car, so I usually have to wear her if we go anywhere.

What's really making this painful is that her need to sleep on me totally disrupts my time with DS. I can't really play with him because she's on me and I have to tell him to SHHH!!! all the time. I can't put him to bed at night (this used to be our special time) because she always cries in the evening. My heart is breaking because I don't get any alone time with him, and he is so upset about it. He cries and tells me how much he misses me, but I can't do anything about it. I can't even hug him without a baby between us.

DH is fabulous with DS and they've been spending a lot of time together. But so far DH can't get DD to sleep, so I'm stuck with her all the time.

I'm so sad about missing time with DS and possibly jeopardizing our very attached relationship. What if this does ireperable harm to our relationship? What if by the time she grows out of this DS and I aren't close anymore?

I really need some seasoned moms to tell me this will be ok... Any advice for keeping my relationship with DS healthy while we go through this?

[applecider]

I don't really have any advice, but I am in the same boat as you. I guess the only thing is I'm just trying to give ds1 as many hugs/kisses as I can. And make sure I tell him I love him a LOT. I do wear the baby in a moby so that allows me to still do stuff with ds1 without a lot of interruption. Hopefully someone will have some words of wisdom for us! I can also feel my relationship with ds1 becoming more distant and it makes me sad too

[CAKJNH]

I had similar issues when dd2 was born, but dd1 was only 15mos old. I was worried that my relationship with dd1 was growing distant.Then we decided to just involve dd1 in doing more with the baby. She helped with diapers (she loved put the tapes on), getting whatever we needed. She also started to help Daddy do dishes, feed the pets, do laundry etc. She wanted to be the big sister.

She's now 7, and 2 more siblings later, we're still close as ever. Except now it's just a little different. Kids are very resilient, don't beat yourself up. As long as the older kids feel loved and involved, they'll be fine. I'm constantly telling all 3 of my girls to "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I just got him to sleep!! And he's not EATING AGAIN!!" lol. My 7 yr old was also my "labor coach" and has been the one helping take care of the other 2 while I tended to my beat up body and the new baby.

Maybe there's something you can have him read to the baby before he goes to bed and does his routine with daddy now? And explain that he's the older sibling, he needs to be a helper, etc. He's a "big boy now" - we use that a lot now with dd3 when she gets jealous (though it's not as often as we thought it would be and she's 4). She will go grab a book and read it to us both and then she gets lots of loves from us both.

The hardest part is keeping your patience where it needs to be ... NOT easy, I know!! Been there, done that, wore out that t-shirt!! Its ok to let the baby fuss (screaming's not good, but fussing never hurt a baby) a bit, too. Even if it's just for a quick couple of minutes of big hugs with your older one! And talk to him, tell him why (over and over) and tell him you love him and you know it's not easy for him either.

My son (sounds funny to me still ha ha) is always attached to me, too. Even as a "seasoned" mom, there are still days! Like now...when he's yelling at me in the cradle and I only put him down 5 minutes ago!!

Sorry it was longwinded - good luck! It'll work out!! hug

[caedmyn]

I don't have any advice on your dilemma, but you might read "The Happiest Baby on the Block". That has really helped me to calm my crabby baby and to be able to put him down for naps. He actually stays asleep when he's laid down if he's tightly swaddled, whereas if he's not the slightest noise wakes him up.

[avivaelona]

oops I replied to this on your other thread

[dsaucone]

It will be okay! think. haha.

Sleeping on me is fine during the day. I just let DD be as loud as she wants (provided she's not screaming at the top of her lungs) because DS better learn to sleep through the noise now, we're NOT a quiet family. DH will take DS, screaming or not if I put DD to bed, but she's definitely a daddy's girl and does not mind him doing bedtime.


I did used to take DD everywhere with me. In the cold and snow I'd rather leave her home, but usually end up taking him. She keeps asking me "We gunna go to the store?" every time she sees me get ready to leave. So I do feel guilty about leaving her home when I go out to run errands. I've decided I'm taking her on my grocery store trips now though instead of DS. That'll be our new "special time" and she can help pick out the food.

Maybe you could find a new special time? Maybe right after you feed the little one, your DH could take her and burp her, or just walk around with her while you do the bedtime routines? Will she cry even if he's walking around with her? Maybe he can try wearing her? DH just tried that today and the baby fell asleep on him and now they're napping, carrier and all on the couch.

[namistenicole]

Originally Posted by cody'smomma

I guess the only thing is I'm just trying to give ds1 as many hugs/kisses as I can. And make sure I tell him I love him a LOT.

I know it seems simple, but this little advice helped me a lot. I've just got to do my best and we'll all get through this. And I can definitely dole out kisses and I love you's in generous proportions!

[namistenicole]

Thanks everyone, your support helps so much. The biggest thing I'm realizing is that maybe I can't interact with DS the same way I used to, but I can find new ways to be close to him. Like we've started writing each other notes while DD is fussy or asleep, which is a fun little game. And today I had him hold her for the first time while I was busy. It was cute.

[Phoenix~Mama]

No advice but taking notes to any ideas as well... I felt awful this weekend when DSD came over because DD wanted to nurse each time DH was putting DSD to bed and that was usually my time to read her a story, which I was unable to do this weekend, cause DSD likes to be read to in bed, and I had already started nursing, and couldn't just move. DD was also very needy this weekend and wanted to be attached constantly. So it was very hard for me to figure out how to interact with DSD with a new babe attached to me.

Comforting to know I'm not alone though, cause I was feeling like a really bad parent this weekend...