Three, I'm also a dude. I'm disappointed to see that the OP has just gotten affirmation that her freaking out was appropriate. I do agree that a "come to Jesus" meeting is necessary between the kid and his father. See my post about what this kid needs to learn on the first page. But stepmom has to own up to her bad reactions as well. She is the adult in this situation. This can be either be a teaching opportunity for her stepson that can make him into a better man, or it can be an antagonist, shameful blamefest that will push him away from her household. Refusing to accept that she overreacted will make it the latter.